Us Against the World

8

It was a funny thing being on that ship. The main ship. The evil one. Well, it was more of an icy hell planet, with the internal structure of a First Order cruiser. And while I was being led to a cell, and restrained, I had time to think. If the map to Luke Skywalker had been complete, then Ben would have gone straight there, meaning Luke was smart and hid part of the map, the rest likely being held by his famous droid that had shut down after he left. If it had been complete, then he wouldn't need Rey, unless he could sense her power.

The next thing I had to assess was why he had willingly kept me alive. I hoped it was sentiment getting the better of him, finally coming face to face with the one person he couldn't face. But I knew the more likely reason was because he hoped to lure me onto his side, into the darkness and away from everything I loved to be with the man I love. As much as I need Ben, and I craved to hold him again like I used to, I wouldn't give up everything his mother and I built, and I wouldn't surrender myself to the false promises he had fallen for.

"You helped the girl." He stated, his voice modulated, false, a lie. It wasn't the voice of the boy I fell in love with, or the boy I left behind. I didn't know how long I had been left in my cell, but it seemed he had finally gotten around to facing me. It was clear what I had told Rey had worked perfectly.
"Take off the mask Ben." I changed the subject. Ben already knew I had trained Rey, that I had taught her how to block her mind from him, how to push back against him. To her, it had just been a conversation with a Jedi, but to me, I was beginning her training subtly, stirring awake the force inside her. Ben seemed to sense he'd get no answers from me, especially not like this, with me willingly locked up in a cell.
"Does Kylo Ren scare you? Does knowing there is no Ben Solo fill you with fear?" Ben stepped towards me, and he was practically hissing the words at my face, trying to draw out a reaction, draw out my anger.I simply smiled at him, a calm look on my face.
"I can feel the fear that consumes you, Ben. You can't even look at me with your eyes, it has to be through the helmet."

Ben was intelligent. That meant he knew my mind was still stronger than his. Instead of fighting me, he closed the door he had come through, before removing his helmet, letting it drop to the floor. I struggled to hide my shock. He had removed his helmet so easily, revealed his face to me as if it were no secret. The thing that took my breath away was the fact that he looked exactly like my Ben, he looked the same as he did before he left.
"Do you know why I left?" He asked. This time his voice was deep, soft and just like I remember but at the same time, it was nothing like before. His aura was darker than before, though. At the Jedi Temple, the darkness was always lingering, but now it has consumed most of him.
"You gave up." My reply was instant, and harsh. At his smile, I knew I was playing right into his hands. This wasn't about trying to gather information from me, or trying to find out to what extent Rey had been taught the ways of a Jedi. He had come to try and get a rise out of me, to try and get me to join him. This was the first time we were speaking in years, after countless nights of me ignoring him, of not letting him in.
"You deserve the truth, Low." There was no malice in his voice. No harshness. No bitter motive. In that moment, standing only a metre from me, head hung, he looked like Ben Solo, not the First Order leader he had turned himself into.
"Okay."

The only person who would understand my actions would be Leia. She would be the only person in the Galaxy to accept my craving for the answers I had spent every night contemplating. When I escaped and found Leia again, I would tell her there was hope and I would be able to give her the cause, tell her why her family crumbled.

Ben stepped closer to me, resting his hands on either side of my face, a gesture that was far too familiar to the both of us.
"Let me in." He whispered, resting his forehead on mine. A moment of vulnerability could lead to anything, it could lead to the worst possible scenarios. In a brief moment of trust, I let down every wall that had been stopping him from getting through and allowed him into my mind.

I stood in the familiar hut that belonged to Ben. A pressure on my hand made me turn my head to see Ben standing beside me, hand in mine and facing the scene. We would be watching that night. I saw Ben and I in his bed, his shirt covering my body, and his arms wrapped around me tightly. We looked normal.