Too Keen For Me

Chapter 37: Next Time

I sat at the top of the mountain overlooking the view below. With the summer heat still blasting the ground, it was cooler up here. At least on the mountain top, I didn't feel like I was melting. A breeze rustled through the trees, causing my hair to blow around my face, putting me at ease. If I could, I would stay forever up here. Here in the silence, it allowed me to clear my mind, which was much needed. However, I couldn't stay here forever since I had more errands to run.

Silently, I pulled out my phone to look at the time. My pleasant mood was killed as a reminder of all the responsibilities that I had.

I would leave Redding tomorrow for UCLA. I had been preparing for this moment the second I accepted the offer. With all my ducks in a row, I didn't understand why Mom sent me on this never-ending to-do list today. I thought she would want to spend the last day with me, but instead I was out.

I rubbed my hands on my shorts and sighed. Tomorrow was the day. I was nervous about leaving. Doubt to fill my mind as I wondered if it was actually worth it to leave this town. At least here was comfortable, whereas LA was so big and I would be all alone.

My phone buzzed, signaling that I had to move on. So with that, I stood up from the ground and gazed at the rust-orange Subaru in front of me. For a second, I could almost see Miles standing beside it, looking at me with a smile on his face.

I smiled at him as he faded into the wind.

Miles had been dead for over a month, but it felt like yesterday. It felt like just last week I was hanging out at his apartment, eating Chinese food and watching TV.

I thought I would know how to move on, after all, this wasn't the first death I experienced. However, I was still hurting. Every day, I thought about him. Miles left a massive hole in my life, and I wasn't sure if it would ever heal.

I got into the car and turned it on causing the radio to play one of Miles' songs that I knew too well. I reached to turn it off, not able to force myself to listen to it. It was too soon and too painful. But a hand stopped me.

"Just listen to it," Miles said with a smile as he sat in the passenger seat. His sweatshirt hid his scars, and his shaved head was growing out, to Rodger's delight.

For a second, it brought me back in time to a moment I almost forgot. I looked around at the snow that was falling outside of his car. It was January, and he had been back from Maine for a few weeks now. By now the happiness of visiting his family was gone. This week, in particular, was hard for him and all he would tell me was Rodger was bothering him.

I chuckled as I put my hands up in innocence. "I swear, I'm going to be a better person after all of this," I said, referring to the music he made me listen to.

He smiled but his smile quickly slid off his face. "You're already a good person, unlike me..." his voice trailed off.

I stopped what I was doing and shook my head. "What are you talking about? You're a fantastic person," I said to him as I took a bite of a sour gummy worm.

He looked out the car window in silence as he bit his lip in thought. "I guess you don't know me well enough."

His words hurt like a stabbing knife to my chest. Back then, I thought I knew him. I surely knew him better than Rodger would. Miles was my best friend, but his words were insulting. "I know you plenty well enough. If you weren't a good person, I wouldn't spend any time with you."

He turned to me with a smile as he cupped my cheek. "I love that you see me in the best light."

"There's no other way to see you." Miles was a good person. He had a kind heart and a beautiful soul which he needed to be reminded of.