Begin Again (One Direction - Liam Payne)

Chapter 3 - Treacherous

POV: Lana

Why is life so cruel? I must have been a horrible person in a past life to deserve all this. How is it that every guy who had been available was super awful, and the one time I’m actually interested in a guy there is no chance of a future. The world hates me…

Well that’s enough self-pity for one day I thought as I threw off my lavender comforter and climbed out of bed. A new day awaited me, as did an incredibly messy room. I groaned, trying to ignore the stacks of textbooks, the mounds of dirty clothes and the empty water bottles that scattered the floor. I was fine with a little mess, but at some point it became too much to handle, and this room had passed that point a solid week ago. Apparently my Saturday was going to be filled with cleaning and homework, hurray, isn’t college life fun?

I decided breakfast was my main priority at the moment, and looking presentable in the cafeteria was usually encouraged. I stripped out of my classy pajamas, boxers and an old ripped up t-shirt, and rifled through my drawers. I yanked on a pair of rolled up skinny jeans, slipped on plain white t-shirt and decided to add an oversized grey cardigan, since winter was fast approaching. Just as I was pulling on a pair of riding boots Eleanor walks in, two coffees and a bag of bagels in hand.

“Oh good you’re up. The cafeteria was serving porridge so I thought these would be a better option.” she said as she through a blueberry bagel my way.

“You’re a dear you know that?” I said as a fell back onto our little love-seat. I still wonder to this day how we ever got this little seat into our dorm, but it was definitely one of our best ideas yet. My eyes wandered the typical dorm room, two twin beds, two desks and finally the window with a perfect view of the London sky. Every now and then it hit me, I was living in London, following my dreams. Sometimes it felt so surreal.

Eleanor said something and I snapped back to reality, “Daydreaming, sorry, what was that?”

She laughed, “Typical. I just wondering about last night, we didn’t get much time to chat. So…?”

“What do you expect me to say? It was a fun night, Liam was great company, but that’s it. I don’t want to keep thinking about something that can’t happen, you know?” He had just gone through some intense breakup, who would want to move on that fast? Of course that wasn’t the only thought holding me back… why would a boy like him want anything to do with a girl like me? I’m no model, no actress, no dancer; I’m just boring and normal. He deserves so much more than that.

Eleanor just stared, watching my expression. I started to fidget under her gaze, so I stuffed my mouth with the bagel.

“You like him don’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about—“

“Don’t lie, I know you to well, you’re like an open book.” Of course I couldn’t lie to El, I just really didn’t want her pity or sympathy. I couldn’t stand to hear another motivational speech about how I’ll find the right guy soon. This was why I had decided to take a break, wasn’t it? I should have just listened to my head instead of my gut.

“I felt so comfortable with him, more than any other guy I’ve been with. And their was this connection… but I’m sure it was all one sided. He’d be a good friend.”

“Great, cause we are all going out again tonight.”

            *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

The air was crisp, sending a shiver down my spine. I wrapped my arms around my body, regretting letting El pick out my outfit. I was dressed in a black maxi skirt, with black booties just barely visible underneath. Even while wearing four-inch heels the skirt only just fit my short frame. On top I wore a cropped beige sweater with quarter length sleeves, or a jumper as I was continuously told, and my usual array of bracelets hung off my wrists.

Eleanor and I were walking around the side of the complex that housed all of the boys of One Direction, after having found parking in the back lot. At the entrance she typed in a code onto a little pad that unlocked the front doors. Once inside the building two security guards greeted us fondly, having recognized El from her many previous visits.

“Quite the security measures,” I whispered as we walked into the elevators.

“I suppose, but it’s better than being stalked at home.” This world was so different than my own, there were things I just never had to think about, like being followed, and it was all very strange.

My hands began to sweat as the elevator rose; I counted down the floors, my heart racing as we got nearer and nearer. What was wrong with me? I was so nervous I was nearly shaking, and all for what, a boy? A boy I couldn’t have… not like he would want me anyways. We stepped out of the elevator. God, all the clothes I owned probably didn’t cost as much as the flower vase in the hallway!

There was another keypad on Louis’ front door, and Eleanor simply typed in another memorized set of numbers, letting herself into his apartment.

“Shouldn’t we knock?” I asked, feeling uncomfortable just barging in, but that was El, strong willed and a little reckless.

“We’re here! ‘Ello?” she yelled into the room, throwing her jacket and purse onto a nearby chair.

“In the kitchen!” Louis’ voice rang out from another room.

My hands were seriously quivering now as I hesitantly followed El into a conjoined room. And there he was… Liam’s face was furrowed in concentration, apparently trying really hard to add the proper amounts of ingredients into a bowl. I smiled, I had never seen someone so uncomfortable within a kitchen. His eyes looked up from the bowl of sugar he was holding and met mine. My face instantly flushed and I had to look down, hoping he wouldn’t notice. Even though my stomach was still in knots I felt comfortable and relaxed, something about him could change my whole disposition. Insane.

“Whatcha making?” I asked, moving over to the counter Liam was working at. It was like a magnet was pulling me closer and closer.

“It’s a surprise.” He grinned, grabbing his phone, which had a recipe displayed, and locking the screen. I playfully grabbed at the phone, but instead my hand became interlocked with his. A shock sprang up my arm, like a jolt of electricity. I looked into his eyes, searching. He looked back at me, confusion hidden behind his brilliant brown eyes, had he felt it too?

I wanted to be with him, yet I didn’t.  He was perfect, yet he wasn’t. I just couldn’t see myself apart of his life, and didn’t he deserve so much more than that? Than me? I was walking along a dangerous path, neither of which led to a happy conclusion. I was at war with my mind.

Hey everyone! Sorry this took so long, school's been pretty busy, typical excuse right? Hope you enjoy! And leave a comment, we want to hear from you!

xox Nat and Gio