BUTTERFLY WINGS | Wattys 2020

DENIED

“Phoebe! Daniel is in for his first radiation therapy!” Mrs Waters said from the other end as soon as I picked up my phone.

“Does he want me there?” I asked.
She stayed silent.

“I get it!” I shrugged. “I’m coming nevertheless. It would be good for me to see him again after…after…”

I couldn’t say anymore. It had been a week since I had seen him and I had eventually stopped counting the days, trying to distance myself as much as possible, all the while giving false promises to myself that he would call me again once he was ready and then everything would be perfect, normal once again.

“I know it had been a rough week for you, both of you rather, because as much as he may deny it, I can see from his features that he is missing you terribly,” her voice quivered.

“Fine! I’ll be there even if he doesn’t want me,” I sighed.

Mrs Waters was waiting for me when we got there. She came and took my hands in her shaking ones. She seemed to have aged by several years in this one week.

“Phoebe!” she whispered. “Phoebe, help him! I don’t know but he’s behaving weird lately. He isn’t eating or sleeping properly. The doctor says that the problem is far from physical discomfort. And whatever the problem is, it’s weakening him further and they say the most important thing to get over this disease is mental strength. My son is wilting before my eyes!”

She stopped as her tears choked her. I gently wiped them away, not knowing what more I could do to provide some semblance of assurance.

“He’s inside the room,” she pointed to the nuclear medicine wing.

I found a helpful nurse who, with a bit of coaxing, allowed me to go into the glass room from where the machine was being controlled.

And there was Daniel, lying still on the table with a mask placed on his head. He was lying still but I saw his fists clenched and his knuckles were white. I asked the controller if he was in pain.

“No. it’s a painless process there,” he remarked, “but my patient is more anxious than in pain, I guess.”

Daniel was just inches away from me and yet separated by a glass wall.

“Don’t worry, the glass is there to protect you and me from the harmful effects of radiation,” he remarked still pressing buttons and moving the cursor on his computer screen. I saw the images of Daniel’s brain being scanned on one of the accessory screens.

“Is the device moving all around? I can only see the mask…”

“That’s a linear accelerator over there doing the job,” he explained. “The mask is there to hold you in position while the machine directly aims high energy rays into the tumour site…”

“Wait! There is a tumour there?”

“Of course! That’s how your doctors know its glioblastoma. It was removed and yet it is springing up again though very small,” he pointed to a portion on the screen. I zeroed in on the area he was showing and saw there was something different from the normal brain tissue.

“That’s the tumour that the radiation will destroy! It’s better than undergoing surgery. We’re using the 3D CRT here, and this machine sends beams from different directions, designed to match the shape of the tumour.”

“Sorry for badgering you with questions, but doesn’t it destroy other tissues?”

“No. It doesn’t because we do it with precision,” he said, frowning in concentration as he stared at the screen.

“Besides don’t ever shy away from asking questions or else you’ll never learn. You have every right to understand what’s being done for your loved one and how he will be benefitted.”

“Thanks for letting me in. How long does it take?”

“Hardly ten minutes,” he mumbled. “By the way, are you his friend?”

“Umm…yeah!”

“Then perhaps you’d like to speak to him over the communicator. He is getting tensed.”

The man picked up a small microphone and said, “Daniel! Are you comfortable? If you feel anything then you may let us know.”

“I’m fine. Don’t bother,” came the crisp reply.

“Someone wants to talk to you. Please relax. There’s nothing to worry about,” the communicator was handed to me.

“If it’s mom, I’m not going to listen to her whining again,” his voice was angry.

I stared at the receiver, wondering what to say. I wanted to say so many things.
“When are we going to start my music composing? You promised me, Daniel?”

The technician gave me an incredulous look!

“I should have known it’s you, Phoebe! I didn’t forget my promise,” I could hear a hint of that earlier playfulness even as his voice was strained.

“Don’t tell me you’ve been fixing a deal, staying away and ignoring me all these days,” the anger came out unexpectedly.

“I was planning on eloping with you. We could go to Vegas, gamble on the casinos, have a lavish wedding and go away to Antarctica where nobody would find us,” he mocked but the usual snarky attitude was back.

“Come back to me. I need you,” I breathed.

“Would you let me kiss you again?”

“The hell, Daniel, yes!”

“Oh! I want to bathe you again!”

“You can even come in the tub with me!” I didn’t dare a glance at my companion. I’m sure his jaws would have dropped open.

“Fine then, let this pain in the ass ‘Star Wars’ mask get off, I’m coming to you.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

“Okay, Mom!”

I suppressed a smile at our old joke and handed back the receiver.

“You’ve relaxed him so well! I guess you’re the one made for him,” the controller was beaming at me.

I returned the smile good-naturedly. Only I knew what I was to him. Nobody could even gauge the depth of our relationship.

I slipped back to where his family was waiting and came face to face with Doctor Timmerman. He introduced himself, shaking my hands politely. He also informed me that Daniel needed five more weeks of radiation therapy, followed by about a year of chemotherapy.

“That’s fine with me if it’s going to help in any way!” Daniel strode in and wrapped an arm around me.

A week before it wouldn’t have mattered to me, but now that one touch seemed heavenly.

I looked up at his face and I could see dark circles of worry under his eyes. He had lost weight and appeared like a ghostly version of the Daniel I knew. I never imagined that a lively man could change so much in one week!

“It’s going to help!” I assured, tracing his cheekbones with my fingers. “Keep going. I’ve always been told this. And now that you’re facing a situation similar to mine, I say, don’t give up. Go about your life like nothing’s happened. Modern medicine is powerful and it can create miracles.”

“When I was first diagnosed, I was scared, Phoebe. And then I was confused. I knew I needed to set priorities and I felt that staying away would make it all easier. But hearing your voice today, it made me realise that I was wrong. Dead wrong!”

I looked into his eyes and saw they were clearer. The haunted look was fading slightly but I knew that look was here to stay. The look I get in mine sometimes when I look in a mirror.

A/N... Long chapter... But your opinions are welcome... Also! Should I update the cover? 👇