BUTTERFLY WINGS | Wattys 2020

INTIMACY

“Phoebe it is not the best idea…”
She put a finger on my lips to make me silent.

“Phoebe you don’t understand…”

“I can send you home for the night. Would you like it? I know you want to stay here and protect me or whatever that ‘knight in armours’ do. Then you go by my rules,” she threatened.

“Suit yourself,” I muttered, taking off my shirt and throwing it on the lone chair. I slouched on the bed, making a great show of trying to sleep.

I listened intently as she ruffled in her closet for her nightgown. I felt the opposite side of the bed dip as she got in beside me. I couldn’t help a sneak peek. Her sight was enough to make me close shut my eyes again as I fought a losing battle against my desires.

She was wearing a light gown of the softest pink which hung loose to allow aeration. Her entire body was packed with bandages but and as I dared another peek, I realized that she had removed her bra even. I cursed myself for noticing such things even in the precarious situation we were in. I turned myself to the other side to avoid seeing her alluring beauty altogether.

She didn’t speak but thankfully put out the lights. The only bluish light that filled the room came from the corners of the ceiling and it was the most beautiful night light I had ever seen. The unearthly aura seemed to fill the room.

“I wonder how things change.”

“Huh!”

She rolled over until she was pressed to my back and she hugged me with one hand, “Things change fast. Seems like only yesterday when we met and yet it has been weeks. Seems like yesterday we had a perfect kiss, the perfect life for as long as I live, but today…” her voice broke.

I couldn’t hold myself any longer.
I turned to her, hugging her back and we lay there for a moment, our body’s pressed against each other. I could feel the warmth seeping from her body, filling me with a different kind of warmth. Or was it what love felt like if it had a solid form?

Her crisp bandages rubbed against my bare arms and tickled me. It would have been so uncomfortable under normal circumstances but it wasn’t so when it was her and me. And just like that, she climbed onto my bare chest, laying there for a moment. The heat and the crackle of electricity was too much to ignore.

“Life isn’t fair,” I mumbled, kissing her neck.

Shivers ran down her body and I could feel her melt in my arms. My lips found hers and we were back to kissing. It had more intensity, more passion. With the entire world falling apart in front of our eyes, we needed to live for the present and forget about everything in future.
But whatever happened, her fragile state was nothing that I could ignore, so in spite of everything, all the kisses and the touch were so much guarded. But somehow somewhere I felt the control slipping again.
My hands slid down her barely-there dress, feeling bandages everywhere.

“How does it feel like to hold a mummy,” she teased.

“I love Egypt,” I could barely hear my voice as I eased one of the spaghetti sleeves of her dress, off her shoulder.

As if on cue she unhooked the other side. I felt my fingers falter as she tugged at her dress, sliding it down. And I touched the unhurt skin which had always been hidden behind the dresses. It felt so soft, fragile and yet a thrill ran through me because I knew that’s what my fingers wanted. To love her, to give her everything she ever wanted, to explore the secrets of her tantalizing body. The wounds, the bandages, nothing mattered so long as she was mine.

The sense that I may not get to see her again, or hold her in that way, made my breath shallow again. She wriggled out of her dress and threw it away.

I closed my eyes, fighting back the sudden rush of heat that filled me and honestly my head began to ache. I felt dizzy and surreal at the same moment. My hands urged to reach out and touch her skin where no man had ever touched her.

But I knew if I did that, the animal side of me would win over and the cascade of feelings and lust would be too much to bear. But as I looked into those lovely eyes, even in the dark they seemed to mirror the same passion that I felt. Our bodies were touching, skin to skin, bare, as I searched for one soft part to touch which wasn’t bandaged.

I ran a trail of kisses down her neck but stopped just before I accidentally touched somewhere I knew I shouldn’t.
And I felt her melt in me as she kissed my chest and wrapped her thin arms around me.

“You know we can’t do this,” I said, as she grabbed my hands and placed them on her bare chest.

“We can do anything, as long as it doesn’t hurt me and I believe you know exactly where your limit is,” her voice had a hushed tone of urgency.

It took every ounce of my self-control to not roll over and press my body to her, savouring those few intimate moments of exhilaration. Her supple, hungry lips found mine again and I placed my hands on the small of her back.

I moved my mouth to her chest and gently kissed her ample cleavage and then there was no denying that at that point, the thin threads of my already strained self-control broke. I tried to juggle my urge for sex and my need to tear off the last bit of our clothing with my duty to protect her from harm. She was weak, and I had to compromise my desires for her safety.
And these thoughts made my head reel.

There was a steady hum in my ears as the world actually swirled around me. And from there it turned to pain. Excruciating pain which seemed to tear apart my nerves. The world blurred into one mix of colours. My hands and feet felt numb.

Phoebe had sat up straight on the bed, sensing that something was definitely wrong.
I tried to say about the killer headache but could only utter a croak as my body was suddenly no longer mine.

I could hear Phoebe’s screams which seemed to come from a far off land.
The darkness closed around me as I felt myself falling into a bottomless abyss.