Seventeen (Marina Diamandis X Reader)

3

28.09.2002

(Reader's POV)

I walked alongside the muddy banks of the Honddu holding Marina's wrist with my left and the flashlight with my right hand. I could feel the humid air from the day turn into something much cooler as the evening progressed. I tried not to lose balance while ducking out of the way of tree branches as the sun was setting and the stars crept up from their horizon graves.

Exactly one week had passed since we had first laid eyes on each other and I couldn't be happier. I was absolutely positive that I was in love with her, yet I was still too nervous to confess.

I mean just look at her for God's sake! I get a lot of mixed signals from her though, maybe it's just me interperting everything all wrong. Who gives a shit, really?

She had brought an entire picnic with her. It was kind of romantic if you ask me, I mean.. I insisted on bringing the food but she stood her ground so I let her make the sandwiches. She laid down a blanket and we sat with the little rays of sunlight slowly fading away, allowing night to take over.

We ate in peace as we listened to the crickets and felt the temperature change. Marina shivered whilst taking a bite of her sandwich.

"So why did you bring me here?"

I asked, waiting patiently. We had called earlier today and she said she wanted to meet up, so we went to the local river. Now here we were. The water looked almost as beautiful as she did.

"Well,"

She said, taking another bite of her sandwich. I carefully watched her lips move as she chewed and swallowed the food before finally speaking again. I loved her voice. I loved her mouth.

"I don't really know how to begin, but I trust you, and I haven't spoken to many people about it at all, like I can count on one hand."

She said in a soft low voice, showing her hand and wiggling her fingers. I nodded my head. It felt like our relationship was taking a new turn, like she can trust me more now. It feels so honouring. I felt my insides tingle as she reached for my hand to hold.

God, do I love her... I really do!

"I tried talking with a therapist about this once before, but it never worked out. I faked getting better so that my mum would feel happy and I wouldn't be such a burden on her."

Her voice cracked and quivered. I squeezed her hand and held her close to me. She sniffed, got up and sat down on my lap facing towards me. Her legs wrapped around my back as she rested her chin on my shoulder. Her arms squeezed me tight as she started to cry into my chest.

"I'm- I'm so sorry [your name]."

I started rubbing her back and felt real bad. I'm glad she trusted me enough to cry in front of me, but damn did it make me sad too.

"You don't ever have to apologise for getting emotional, Marina, okay?

It's human."

I whispered in her ear, stroking her face. She nodded and proceeded to cry harder.

"It's just that..that t-ten years ago...when I was s-seven I was-"

She squeezed me tighter and choked a bit on her snot. She sobbed one last time before she muttered the words that shattered my heart into a million pieces and gave me chills down my spine.

"I was raped."

She whispered, silently sobbing into my shoulder. I couldn't believe what I had just heard.

Fuck. Poor baby.

Tears of anger and hurt and sadness and pure disgust towards whoever hurt her filled my eyes, but I held it in. I was her rock right now. She had no one else at the moment. I clenched my teeth and kept my composure.

"I believe you, Marina.

I'm so proud of you for getting that off your chest and am so fucking grateful to be here for you right now. I'm glad you're safe right now."

She pulled her face away from my chest and nodded. I gazed into her traumatised eyes. Her eyeliner was running down her face as I cupped her chin and held her forehead against mine. I listened to her cry some more. Her shaky breath was felt on my neck which gave me goosebumps again.

"Thank you so much. I beg of you please not to tell a single soul, never ever ever ever."

"You have my word."

She sniffed, wrapped her arms around my neck. She kissed my cheek again, only this time it seemed like she kissed me a few seconds longer than last time, exactly a week ago, in Abergavenny. I wanted her lips on mine for fucks sake.

Then it hit me.

I was being so selfish. There Marina was, pouring her breaking heart and soul out, trusting and relying on me to comfort her and not say a word to anyone and here I sit, almost positive that I want a relationship with her?

What the fuck is wrong with me?

She's hurt for fuck's sake. She's not ready for a relationship now.

If I confess my love to her then it'll hurt her even more. If I tell her my secret love for her then all trust will be broken.

(Marina's POV)

I'm so grateful that I can actually trust [your name]. It's honestly so relieving like I've just lifted a massive weight off my shoulders.

I didn't feel too ashamed to cry, because after he/she/they told me it's only human I felt so much better after hearing that he believed me right away.

Nobody has ever told me it's okay to cry in front of them. It's always either like suck it up or don't be too emotional.

The only reason why I told him/her/them is because it's been eating me up lately this past week. It all started when I thought about taking things to a deeper more intimate level with [your name].

I was sure that I loved him/her/them. I wanted to be more than just friends, and I know that he/she/they deserved to know about my past. I needed him/her/them in my life.

I wanted a relationship right this instant!

After I kissed him/her/them on the cheek I swear it felt like I should've just moved my way along towards his/her/their mouth. But of course I was too chicken.

After all, this might've not been the best time to admit my feelings that I just can't shake out of my head.

We sat there for another few hours or so. Mum and Lafina were out of the country only for tonight, so nobody could tell me when to come home.

I told everything just like it happened.

I cried a few more times that night. Every time I did he/she/they told me I don't have to reveal everything, but I really felt like I had to. It was therapeutic after all.

We layed down on a nearby field and held hands to gaze at the beautiful stars that covered the sky.

It wanted to kiss him/her/them again. Of course I didn't though. We just playfully snuggled and I tickled his/her/their neck again with a blade of tall grass.

We both fell asleep snuggled next to each other under the stars.