Monster. (Sterek)

Part 18: Losing You.

Everything was still. The birds in the tree, the leaves, the squirrels, even the wind. All sound had been drawn out from around the two of them. Derek watched himself. He watched as he bit Stiles' shoulder, as Stiles' whole body jolted, as The Pack took a collective breath, as the yarn went up in flames. Then time stopped. Nothing grounding him. Just sudden emptiness.

Air became an unknown in his lungs, blood tugged at his lips, stained his teeth, but refused to flood his mouth. He could taste it despite seemingly watching from a distance. Stiles' blood, blood that had been borrowed from animals but was still unequivocally his.

And then the wind rushed in around him and he was back in his own body, watching from his own eyes. He pulled away from Stiles. Looked down at him. Studied him. Watched for any changes bar the fast healing of his shoulder. Lydia was next to him but he couldn't tell when she had gotten there. "Nothing's changed." The words sounded like his voice but he couldn't remember opening his mouth. They felt like lead in his ears, tasted like the blood on his tongue. It hadn't worked. It had not worked!

"Just wait, Derek. Maybe it needs a little time. Remember, we don't know what's supposed to happen after all of this, we just have to wait." Lydia said, she placed a firm hand on his shoulder and nodded at him. "It will be okay." Hearing her words helped Derek ground himself and regain control of his body. He moved to take Stiles' necklace off.

"What are you doing? Is he okay?" Isaac asked. The rest of The Pack crowded in around Stiles.

"Batman?" Erica shook his shoulder, Boyd coming up behind her. Everyone began expressing concerns but Derek didn't care at that moment. He didn't care about anything but the too-still figure, lying in the bright light of the moon. All he cared about was Stiles. No one, nothing, could distract him from the task at hand: trying to hear Stiles' heartbeat. A sound he had missed, a sound he hadn't realised he craved until that moment. He pulled the necklace away from Stiles' neck, tucking it into his pocket. Barely registered the silence of The Pack until Erica said, "I can't hear it."

"Me neither." Derek wasn't sure who said that. It didn't matter. It took all his self-control not to scream right then. Not to yell and break something – someone.

"Deaton told us that the concoction will break the vampire component down. Maybe he's still a vampire, but he shouldn't be for long." Lydia stated, voice steady.

"And what if that's not it, what if this has killed him?" Isaac sounded panicked. Danny pulled him away telling him that it would be okay, and to try to avoid freaking out Derek, or any of the others. Comforting him in the way Derek wanted to do with Stiles. Maybe he never could now.

Derek looked up at Lydia. Her shoulders sagged but she said, "Derek, no. He's going to be fine, give him time." Derek sighed but agreed, "Let's get him home, then we'll call The Sheriff. Explain what's going on, keep him updated."

~~~~~

After Lydia called Noah, he came home to check on Stiles. He asked questions and Lydia responded as best she could. Derek stayed close to Stiles' side, not caring that everyone was there.

Noah watched Derek for a moment after being reassured on Stiles' condition, before saying, "Alright, it's late, I think it best that everyone goes home and goes to bed. You can check up on Stiles tomorrow." He ushered everyone to the door, leaving Derek standing next to Stiles' bed.

Once he had managed to get them all to leave, he came back. Sidled up to Derek, placed a hand on his shoulder, "He's going to be okay, Derek." Derek looked over at him, he could feel his facade dissolving. Noah had been so kind to him ever since the day Stiles had told him about him being a vampire. Yes, he always put Stiles first, therefore was sometimes harsh or strict on Derek. But he had shown a kindness that Derek had missed. That reflected Derek's own father's so strongly that it almost hurt.

The idea of breaking down in front of Noah scared Derek. He hadn't cried in so long. But Stiles...

"It's okay." Derek hadn't realised that Noah was hugging him until then. "It will all be okay."

~~~~~

Derek pulled Stiles' desk chair over to the side of his bed and sat down, grabbing Stiles' hand tightly. "Shit, Stiles." After their hug and many words of comfort, Noah had left. It felt so wrong; it should be the other way around. Noah was Stiles' father. Derek was Stiles' alpha... except they were so much more than that now – maybe they had been for a while. And Derek had been strong for so long so maybe, as Noah had told him, it was okay. Maybe breaking and crying (even if it was only a couple of tears) wasn't a bad thing.

Noah had told him to get some sleep before he had left. Derek had made no promise. He knew he couldn't keep it and he couldn't bear to break any more promises. Because, despite what everyone kept saying, he had. Stiles had trusted him, and, in acknowledging that trust, he had made a promise to keep Stiles safe. Stiles had trusted him with everything and all he had asked for in return – albeit silently – was a promise to be kept safe and Derek had failed.

He had failed at that one simple task. He had broken that trust. And now he was sitting over Stiles' limp body. "I am so sorry." What if Stiles wasn't okay? Lydia had said he would be, but he was lying in bed, not moving, no heartbeat, no signs of life and no way to tell if that was because it hadn't worked or if it was because he was dead. Regardless of what Derek tried to convince himself of, his thoughts kept going back to "he's dead and it's your fault". Another promise: broken.

They should've tried harder to convince Scott to help. They should've found another true alpha. Derek should've refused to bite Stiles. He should've known that this would've happened. Why wasn't Noah mad at him? After all, Noah had told him to keep Stiles safe, and Derek had said he would. But he hadn't.

He shouldn't have listened to Lydia. He should've put up more of a fight, gotten them to find more evidence that it'd work with just a good alpha. Not that he was a good alpha. No good alpha would not realise that one of their betas (human or otherwise) had been turned into a vampire. No good alpha would be okay with putting said beta into harm's way without being one hundred percent sure that it would be for the best.

Stiles dead was not for the best. He was not a good alpha, he was not a true alpha, maybe he didn't even have pure intentions like they had all thought. Maybe this had all been for purely selfish reasons like it had been with Paige. He had messed up, he had been afraid of losing her and it ended in her death. History was repeating itself and Derek was powerless to stop it. He was the cause of it. It was all his fault. Sat there, watching the person he cared so deeply about die, again. Or maybe he was already dead.

He hadn't learned!

"Please, be okay. Please, I can't lose you, Sti." It was all too quiet, and too loud, and too much. His head was pounding. How could everyone be so sure? How could everyone be so okay with Stiles lying so lifelessly? Why was everyone so calm? Stiles could be dead! And if not dead, then dying. The world could be continuing on without knowing that its brightest light had just faded into oblivion.

People would be getting up, going to work or school or out to have fun. Going to sleep or going out clubbing, dancing with their friends. Everyone was getting on with their lives, while Stiles was... In front of him. This was ridiculous. Why couldn't he just allow himself to think that Stiles was okay? Why couldn't he just believe Lydia like everyone else?

He stood up to pace the room, pulling at his hair. Stiles would be okay, he had to be. Lydia had to be right. This had to have worked. Why wouldn't it have? Because one of the ingredients was a poison. Because they hadn't used a true alpha. Because Derek was selfish. Because...

Fuck.

"I can't lose him, too."