hey y'all 👋 i know its been so long.. ive been really going thru it these last few months. I've had half of this chapter written for literally months now; i havent had the motivation to continue it, so i figured something is better than nothing while i try to finish this bad boy up! enjoy ❤️ sorry for the delay, i hope you guys still want the update lol!
I angrily sped walked through the crowd of people, trying not to look out of place, breathing heavier than I ever had in my entire life. The drugs and alcohol in my system making me feel like the room was getting smaller as my panic grew bigger. I held it together, I wasn't about to break down here. I shoved my way through groups, pushing anyone I needed to get the fuck out of here. I shoved open an emergency exit and stormed down the staircase.
I could feel myself coming undone with every step I took. What the fuck was I even doing here? I didn't belong here. Last tour? Last tour! Meaning the one he JUST came back from? The one where those pictures surfaced from Justin's party! He lied to my fucking face, he assured me they were set up, that it wasn't what it looked like.
As I reached the bottom of the steps, another emergency exit met me, I pushed hard against the heavy black door, exiting out into the middle of the side street of the venue. I didn't give myself a moment to think about where I was going, I just kept walking forward onto the pavement and onto the street of the wide alley. I heard the heavy door of the emergency exit swing open, slamming hard against the brick wall.
"Stop!"
I could hear Austin's aggressive bellows from behind me, as he ran after me.
I ignored him, increasing my speed as I tried hard to exit the alley into the main road. I felt the burning, stinging of tears on the rims of my eyelids. I inhaled sharply, blocked by a cry. I was almost there, I could hail a cab, and get the fuck out of here.
A hard grasp on my elbow sent my momentum flying forward, but held me back.
"Melissa, stop, please. Just let me fucking explain—"
I turned around sharp, staring back at him with tears streaking down my face, but the look on my face was anything but sad, I was angry.
"No!"
My voice cracked, echoing through the alley.
Austin refused to let go of my arm, he stared back at me with a devastated, helpless look on his face. I could read him like a book, he knew he was fucked.
"Please, Mel, Please let me explain—"
"Explain! Explain what? You had so many opportunities to tell me this, to let me know who the fuck this STRANGER was to me? To let me believe that nothing went on between you guys? It changes NOTHING about what you've done. But you tried to play me like a fucking fool, and that's so much worse. What'd you think? I would never find out?"
Austin let my arm go, instantly covering his face with both hands as he let out a cry. I shook my head, rolling my eyes. In this moment I completely felt like I didn't know the person standing in front of me.
"You know, you're an actual piece of fucking work. I loved you so much, pieces of me changed because of you. And to be honest, I feel like you don't know me at all because of the person I presented myself as to you."
Austin looked up at me, tears in his eyes, his mouth in a perfect frown.
"How can you say that? I know so much about you—"
"I've never felt more like strangers than I do right now."
He stared back at me with a vacant sad look on his face. He couldn't believe what I was saying. His silence spoke paragraphs.
"I mean come on. You're right! What the FUCK are we doing? I've been on this tour with you for 2 months. In this time you've barely spoken to me, you don't text me, we can't actually be together. You spoke to me more when I was back in New York! Granted, it is partially my fault for not wanting this to be a public thing, but fuck man. You stopped talking to me at all, our relationship became just sex and fighting. What are we doing?"
He shook his head.
"No, No, No.. I'm wrong, I didn't mean that I was just angry.. Please.."
I crossed my arms, placing my fist on my forehead as I felt myself break down. Tears fell down the curves of my cheeks.
"You made me feel like I was crazy for the way I felt sometimes. You lied to my face so many fucking times. And I just went with it, because I trusted you!"
"You can!"
"I CAN'T."
My scream echoed loudly off the walls of the alley, we stood in silence, hearing the echoes fade into nothing.
I wiped my eyes, sighing loudly. Austin stared down at the pavement.
"I'm not like this.."
He looked up to stare me in the eyes. I looked down at my hands.
"..I'm a strong woman. I'm outspoken and witty and funny. Everyone here thinks I'm shy and quiet. Even you don't even know who I really am, because I was always so scared to step on your toes."
He ran his hand through his curls, then wiped his eyes. He stared back at me.
"I do know that about you.. We used to sit on the floor of your room talking about our lives, our dreams, our futures. You used to tell me about all the things you were passionate about. I think you're the funniest person in the room. There's no one on this planet like you. I'm so sorry that I fucked this up.."
I thought back onto how simple our relationship used to be. Impromptu visits, sleepovers, sneaking out early in the morning. It broke my heart to see it all crumbling around us.
"Well, that just seems like it was so long ago. I don't even think we know how to be like that anymore."
I somberly said, looking down. A calm silence fell between us, neither of us knowing what to say..
I looked up at him, my arms crossed.
"When did this happen?"
"I told you, my last tour.."
I sighed.
"When exactly."
"Around the time that those pictures came up at Justin's party.. I was back in Cali."
I needed him to say it.
"We were together..?"
He closed his eyes shut, placing his hand over his face he let out a strained cry. Like he couldn't bear to even say it. My stomach began to do flip flops, I felt sick. Painfully, I lifted my hand to keep a distance between us as I turned away. Looking at him made me feel ill. I shook my head as I walked away from him.
"No.. Please.. Mel.."
Through hard sobs he called after me. I stopped a few steps away from him and turned my body halfway towards him. With a distressed look on my face I looked back at him. My jaw shook wildly from the nerves as quiet tears rolled off my face.
"Don't.."
He let out pained cries as he stood away from me.
I shook my head.
"This can't be a thing anymore.. We're done. This is how this ends. Don't come around me, don't show up at my house. I'm serious. Don't fucking talk to me or Sam or anyone. I don't even know who you are right now. Keep it that way. I can't take this from you anymore."
"No no no no no"
"We can't be together.. It was so easy for you to fall into someone elses arms. Don't do this."
He began to cry out grievously as he tried to walk towards me. I held my hand up, clenching my jaw, trying to be as strong as possible.
"This doesn't feel like home anymore."
I turned and began to walk back out into the street, hopping into one of the cabs on standby outside the front of the club. I asked the driver to take me to the airport. I didn't think about my luggage my clothes anything. Frankly, I didn't fucking care what happened to any of that shit. I didn't care that I was dressed as a cowgirl. Nothing mattered. I felt nothing.
I looked over at the alley we were just in. I saw Austin still standing there watching me leave. A look of complete devastation slapped across his face. As the cab began to pull out, he raised both his hands to hold onto the sides of his head, shaking his head, he turned and punched the side of the venue roughly before throwing the exit door open aggressively and storming back in.
I looked down at my hands as the tears flowed from my eyes freely. I pulled my phone out, missing a couple of messages.
