Weekend Goal

Chapter 18 - Lost in History

"It wasn't like that," Cooper said, swigging from the bottle.

"How do you remember it then? Because if my memory serves me right, you asked me out on a date and it was fun, so we had another and another. I introduced you to my son, you practically moved in and then next thing I know I'm pregnant for the second time by some guy I met at the football club. And you were telling me how great it was going to be; we were going to be a family and one day you wanted to marry me. I couldn't believe it, someone like you, wanted to be with me. You didn't care about the fact that I already had a kid with someone else or that I was three years older and it was nice Cooper, and everything was good."

"And I fucked it up."

"You just packed your stuff and walked out the door without so much as a second glance. You said you weren't ready for a family; it wasn't really what you were about. Do you know how that feels? Like everything was a lie."

"It wasn't a lie," Cooper said, his voice barely audible.

I didn't know what to say, I mean, there's so much that I wanted to say. But like, there's no right way to tell a guy you think he's a bastard, and his behaviour is really shitty. And that you hate him, but you still kinda love him too. And seeing him with other women breaks your heart and yeah, you think about how things could've been so different if it wasn't for him and his shitty bastard behaviour.

"I think about it all the time. I wonder if it was my fault. You were upset and stressed, and I did that, so it was my fault what happened next. Was it my fault Rosie? I mean one day I told you that I didn't want a baby with you, and the next day there was no baby . . . But I did want that, with you."

I did blame him for a long time after, couldn't bring myself to talk to him and seeing him around the club made me physically sick: the way he just carried on living his life as if nothing had happened. He was out in a club with some random girl he'd met somewhere that same night. "No Cooper, it wasn't your fault," I said squeezing his hand, and he looked at me, his cheeks wet with tears.

"Thanks, Rosie, I know I don't deserve you being nice to me . . . God, I should've listened to you when you said no wine," Cooper said with a small smile.

"Yeah. You're so gonna regret those bottles of wine in the morning. I am too, how are we even supposed to play football? It's 2 am already, and I have work in the morning. You know, I'm thinking of giving up the café." I don't know why I told him that, I guess it's because I was wine drunk and for the first time in I don't know how long we were actually communicating truthfully for once.

"What? Why? I thought you loved that place." Cooper said, suddenly sobering up a little.

"I do or I did. I don't know anymore Cooper, life is weird. I'm gonna leave the team next season too. I'm thirty-one. I'm done with playing football and I don't want to serve people morning coffee and afternoon tea either. I want something different. Do you ever feel like that Cooper? Like just walking away from everything and starting someplace new, with new people who don't know you and your past. Maybe it's time I looked to make a future somewhere else.  What's here for me now? Jacob's grown up and moved away, he doesn't need me, and neither does the team. We'll get it figured, like, I'll speak to Bobby and get things smoothed over and sorted and next season you'll still be there, you'll have the best team you've ever had, maybe you'll even win the championship again, you want that don't you Cooper?" I knew I shouldn't have drunk the wine because I was crying too and I'd already promised myself that I wouldn't cry in front of Cooper again.

"Yeah, but not without you. I want you to win the championship with me again, same as we did before."

"Then we'll just have to work extra hard and try to win it this season. Because once it's over, I'm leaving. This house, I'm going to rent it out, six months, a year maybe, and I'm going to travel; I'm gonna go to all those places my friends told me about while I was home looking after Jacob and they were off seeing the world."