Embrace the Suck (Bad, #1)

Chapter Twenty-Six

Saint's shoulders sagged. His face wasn't a blank canvass anymore. Now, I can see the pain in his eyes. "Okay lang sa 'yo? How can you fucking be okay with that? You're going to give me to your step-sister? You want me to be your sacrificial lamb just so you could please your family?"

My lips quivered. Walang tigil ang pagbagsak ng mga luha ko. No. It's not okay. No. I don't want to, but I don't know what to do. I wanted to please my family so bad, but I also want to keep Saint. Hindi ko alam ang dapat gawin maliban sa umiyak.

"I'm sorry," I cried.

"Damn it, Mackenzie," Saint croaked. He reached for my arm and pulled me to him. Wala akong lakas at kahit meron man, hahayaan ko pa rin siya. He held the back of my head and snaked his arm around my waist. My face pressed on his sturdy chest.

Wala pa rin tigil ang pagbagsak ng mga luha ko at nababasa ko ang damit niya. "I don't wanna lose you, but I also don't want to lose my family. Can't I keep you both? Hindi ba pwede 'yon?"

Suminghap si Saint at humigpit ang yakap sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa yakap niya o sadyang sumisikip ang dibdib ko dahil sa sakit. "If I could make your family love you, I would have already done it. Fuck. I'd willingly sacrifice myself, if I knew that it would give you what you've always wanted, but baby, love doesn't work like that. It doesn't ask for anything in return."

"Why can't they love me?" I cried. "Mahal na mahal ko n-naman sila. B-B-Bakit ayaw nila sa akin? Is there something wrong with me? Mahirap ba akong mahalin? Hindi ba ako ka-mahal-mahal?"

"Baby," Saint hushed and tightened his hug. "If you're so hard to love, then what is Oliver doing with you? Why is Nina so protective over you? Shadow? And how about me? Hmm?"

Patuloy ang paghikbi ko. Saint squeezed my waist and gently broke the hug. He backed away a little so he could take a look at me. Nanatili ang isang braso sa bewang ko at ang isa ay hinawakan ang pisngi ko para punasan ang mga luhang dumadaloy doon.

He cupped my chin and made me look at him. I stared at him with my bleary vision. Hindi ako makakita nang maayos dahil sa mga luha.

"How can you say that you're hard to love when I'm so in love with you?" he soberly murmured. His eyes softly gazed at me.

My lips parted. My tears magically halted. Naalis ang paninikip ng dibdib ko pero napalitan naman ng mabilis na pagtibok ng puso.

"I love you," he whispered. "Can that be enough?"

I frantically searched his face for any hint of lie, or anything that could prove that he didn't really say it. I remained staring at him, waiting for him to take it back. He didn't.

"Saint..." I confoundedly uttered.

He licked his lips. He brushed his thumb under my eye. "You don't need them, baby. I can give you all the love you need."

My lips shivered. Bumalik ang panlalabo ng mga mata ko. My chest feels like it's being filled with something and it starting to overflow. I should be happy. I am happy... but why do I feel like I was still in the middle of an important decision?

I wanted to tell him that I love him, too. So much. But if I tell him that I love him, I will have to stop chasing after my desire to be loved by my family. I have to abandon something that I've only known to do for the past years. Can I do that?

"Are you asking me to choose you?" I asked in a small voice.

"Baby, I'm asking you to choose yourself," he softly replied.

Napahinga ako nang malalim. My tears began to fall again. Why do I feel like I'm standing on the middle of a bridge?

"Why can't I have both?" I looked at him with desperation in my eyes.