Shattered Hearts

Chapter 26

She sat down on the bed, waiting until she could hear the shower running. Once it had been going for a good minute she grabbed the telephone receiver and quickly dialled her brother's number.

"Hi Sam, it's me," she said speaking rapidly as soon as he answered.

"Hey, I was expecting you to call hours ago." She didn't miss the accusing tone.

"Sorry, I got caught up with things."

There was a long pause. "Okay, but you can't blame me for worrying under the circumstances."

Not this again, would he ever let her forget it?

"You need to lighten up, I'm a big girl," she said pretending she didn't know what he was alluding to.

"I guess," Sam said grudgingly. "But you'll always be my little sister to me. I should look out for you, I mean now that dad's gone and all. Not that he could do much when he was here but it's down to me to protect you. And I didn't, and I'll never forgive myself."

Great, he was barely sober and rambling.

"Sam, you do look out for me," she said speaking more slowly. "And I need you to do me a favour. If Nick calls-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You're at Darlene's or washing your hair, I've got it."

"Good. I mean I doubt he will call, he hates me encroaching on his time with Jamie."

"Don't worry, I'll cover for you and if that asshole shows his face it'll be the last thing he does."

She shook her head. "I've told you before, he's not worth it."

Sam made some sort of growling sound. "After what he did to you, what he put you through. You would never have-"

She removed the telephone receiver from her ear, silencing his words, as her finger lightly traced one of the scars from her marriage. Still, the physical scars were nothing compared to the mental ones. "Sam, I've got to go now. I'll call again in the next day or two." She disconnected the call and went back to the window, taking the chance to enjoy the scenery again. Barely two minutes later Louis appeared behind her.

"Hey," he said lightly touching her shoulder. "You look deep in thought there."

"Oh." She jumped even though she'd been waiting for him. "I guess I am." He looked at her expectantly. "We said we weren't going to talk about the past."

"Ten-minute truce? If something's on your mind you might as well tell me."

She sighed, she couldn't tell him everything, she didn't want to. "It's nothing really, I was thinking about karma in a roundabout sorta way."

"Karma?"

"I always thought I was a good person," she said her brows knotting together. "But then all this bad stuff happened to me, and I have to think about what I did to deserve it."

"You didn't do anything. Shit happens."

"No, I did something bad, or tried to, or thought about it." Urgh, what am I saying? I should just tell him I called Sam. "When I was first pregnant with Jamie I'd have done anything not to have been. I mean I did. I tried all the things that are supposed to make you miscarry, hot baths, cold baths, gin in the bath." She laughed without humour. "And now when I'd love another child, I can't have one. It feels like a punishment."

"It's not, it's totally random."

She looked up at him. "Do you really believe that cos it seems like a pretty big coincidence to me."

He nodded. "Yeah, I do. There's no such thing as karma, bad things happen to good people and vice versa."

She was taken aback by his serious tone. "It sounds like there's a story in there."

"No, not really." They fell into silence and then he cleared throat. "I've served with men, boys, who go step on a land mine on their first tour." He took a deep breath. "I had a friend, he was about nineteen and he should have been anywhere but Vietnam. You've never seen someone less like a soldier. It was a few weeks before he was due leave...he didn't make it."

"I'm so sorry." She turned, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"That's life," he said gruffly. "Being a good person has nothing to do with it. You've done nothing to deserve what happened to you."

"I'd like to believe you," she said her voice muffled into his chest.

"Lottie, you've gotta get out of your own head and live your life."

"I guess."

He leaned back forcing her to meet his eyes. "There's no guessing about it. Promise me you'll try."

She nodded, breaking eye contact. Words were easy, putting them into action was something else.

                                                         ~~~