𝟹𝟶| 𝙷𝚒𝚛𝚊𝚎𝚝𝚑

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Hiraeth (noun)

- a longing for a home you can't return to, or one that was never yours. not necessarily a house, but a homely feeling such as love.


~*~


I despised that feeling. That weird sensation in your chest when you can feel your heart hurting. I hated that I knew from the start that he was way out of my league. Never before had I been this self-conscious, but I couldn't help but compare myself to these other girls, wondering what they had that I didn't. 


The entire night was spent with me bawling my eyes out and drinking away my pain, hoping that it would just vanish. What made things worse was that I knew I'd completely humiliated myself. I'd asked Liam to kiss me and he said no. Just the thought of it made me cringe and hurt at the same time. 


I'd woken up with a huge hangover and intended to hole myself up in my room for the rest of the weekend but I'd promised Maya that I'd attend the sleepover she was having. It was supposed to be a fun Saturday night with my girls. But of course, Maya was too nice for her own good and told the boys that they could show up if they were free, however, they had to leave around midnight. 


The moon shimmered through the open curtains as I sat bunched in fluffy blankets atop Maya's bed. Laughter thundered from downstairs but I couldn't find it in myself to move, comprehending that my cheer squad and some members from the soccer team was down there. 


Purposefully, I'd shown up before anyone else and convinced Maya that I wasn't feeling well but I still wanted to be there for her and the girls. She nodded in understanding but I could tell that she knew there was something up with me. The puffed eyes gave enough away on its own. 


"Get some rest. I love you." That was what she told me around 6 pm. She deposited a kiss onto my forehead, left a bottle of water on the bedside table and fled the room. I was immensely thankful to have a friend like her in my life. 


I didn't think that there was ever romantic feelings between Maya and me. Throughout the two weeks that we dated, nothing changed. We were still just Maya and Charlie. I think the main reason I asked her out was that I was sick of the guys around us. They were always so picky about how girls looked and behaved - I couldn't stand it.

Why date an immature boy when you can date a sophisticated woman with views the same as your own? 


After Maya had left her room, I took out an oversized T-shirt from my bag and pulled it over my messy hair. Captain America shorts was what adorned my lower half and I slipped into some fluffy socks before plopping into the bed, pulling the thick blankets over me as if to protect myself from the harsh world.

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