Paradise Lost

Chapter 9

TW-Mentions of nightmares, homophobia and trauma related topics, descriptions which might trigger some people.

23rd February 1917 – PFC Danny Murillo's p.o.v

I am used to sneaking around, this is not something new to me. I used to sneak out at night to meet up with Jorel who my father did not approve of to begin with. This time it is a lot different and we could get in a lot of trouble. It is also different because it is not Jorel I am sneaking around with. It is Dylan. A couple of days ago Dylan decided to confess his love to me and I am now in a relationship with him. I have had a crush on him for a little while even though we have not known each other for that long. The reason why we are sneaking around is because it is the 1900's, people do not approve of boys being with boys. There is also a strict no relationship rule on the camp which is fair enough.

It is mainly to try and discourage us from trying to date any of the female officers that are on camp which is rare. I can totally understand why though, do not want any babies on camp or people to start affairs which could get them into trouble. They obviously banned males from having relationships which each other, but we have discovered that they cannot really police that. Matt was the one that told me if I had a crush on a dude that this was the way to do it. I think that was because him and Jordon are going out, but they are just as afraid as Dylan and I about coming out to the guys. We know that it is a bit irrational, but we have no idea who else is going to overhear and then tell on us which will get us kicked out of the army.

I do not need to go into details about what will happen to me if I go back home and my father is still allowed to wander the streets. "Dan, you've gone into dreamland again," Dylan whispers, before pulling me out of the way of the torchlight of a passing officer. "Sorry Dyl," I whisper. I hate worrying him, he knows how bad the last beating was because he was there, so he knows how I have been trying to mentally recover now that the physical recovery has finished. We spend a few more minutes kissing in the dark now I was focusing more on the world around me and then we went back to our billet so that we have no worries of being caught by an officer on patrol making sure that everyone is following the rules.

It is not too late in the night so I think I will be able to get enough sleep to not walk around camp like a zombified human in the morning. I know the others are asleep, they were when Dylan and I snuck out. Jorel has been sleeping on his own bed for the last few days because they have been checking on us during the night and they said that we should stop sharing a bed because even though it is innocent, not every officer is going to take it that way. Now that I am feeling better I have been trying to rely less on them for things I typically do myself. Jorel was not that happy with their decision but they were kind enough to warn us that it was something they were not keen on. They did not have to do that and just let us get into trouble.

I think I must have slept for 3 hours and then had one of the worst nightmares so far since I have been here. I woke up screaming and my brother Rigo was by my side in an instant. "Oh Danny, it's okay. It was just a nightmare," Rigo tells me. I hold onto him for dear life while I try to stop crying. One of the officers who was patrolling heard me scream and came in to check on me. The others were woken by my scream. They were watching Rigo calm me down because when I had nightmares before now only he could calm me down. "It's okay sir, just a nasty night terror," George explains to the officer who looked concerned. I would be worried too if I heard a scream in camp without any context to it. I tried my best to calm down, but it was not working.

"Is that true Private Murillo," the officer asks me. I know I am Private First Class, but that rank is too much of a mouthful. "Yes sir," I tell him. Rigo has worked his magic and I am finally calmer than I was when I first woke up. The officer told us to let him know if that changes and that we should start getting ready for physical training in half an hour. I cannot believe it is already 4.30 am. I only knew that because it is still dark outside. I know there is a clock in the mess hall, but I do not think they have put them in the billets just yet. I think it is a good thing for me to have the physical training before breakfast. I wash my face to make it look less like I have just spent twenty minutes crying because of the nightmare/night terror I just had.