Paradise Lost

Chapter 13

6th April 1917

Dear Mother and Sister,

Today was the announcement we have all been waiting for and dreading at the same time. America has officially declared war on Germany although I am sure by the time you receive my letter you will already know. The atmosphere in camp has been so tense it is like you could cut it with a knife and it would be the consistency of butter. I do not know what is going to happen next, but I shall keep you updated the best that I can. This will be providing that they will let us update you on what happens. No one knows yet, everyone is in a little bit of a panic. You know it is bad when Rigo is worried. I think he stayed up late last night keeping an eye on me. I do not want him to worry about me because I am safe now.

I do get why he could worry though. Father could discover these letters I have written to you at any time and become angry again. I do not think he believes that he murdered me anymore. I am not sure what access he has to the records of the camp here, but word must be getting back from camp of how well people are doing, I am just speculating at this point since I do not know the truth, but what I do know is I have a sinking feeling that we are going to be discovered soon and it is not going to end well. I just ask that if he does read this whatever he does that he does not harm you both. He can hurt me all he wants just to leave you alone. All you wanted to do was protect me and I will forever be grateful for it.

Thinking back, I do not think I would ever change my childhood despite the trauma it has given me and what I have been dealing with since I arrived. I think it has made me stronger and I have sworn to myself that when I become a father, I am going to be nothing like him. I am going to give my child the childhood I missed out on and all the father and son bonding time I desperately craved as a young boy. I still to this day fail to understand why we were chosen to be beaten and abused for so long. I suppose we will never know the real reason why. I cannot say for sure if we are better off not knowing. I do not believe it was the army life that made him do it, not after meeting so many different officers who have children who have followed in their footsteps and the love between them.

I hope father is not angry with today's announcement. I know he will be frustrated that he is not allowed to go on the frontlines like he wants to. They have kept him in the office in Los Angeles for a reason and that reason has nothing to do with Rigo and I being trained for the frontline war. We have been told as much by one of Rigo's friends. He said that they were trying to get the fittest former officers back training for the front, so we have the strongest chance of winning against Germany and their allies. It is fair enough because the training we have gone through so far has been very physically demanding and I do not see it being something that father will particularly do well in. He is getting older now, his oldest child is in his 30's now.

Not that his age and lack of fitness will prevent him from trying multiple times to try and get sent to the camp, because you and I both know he is stubborn as all hell and he will try until he gets too frustrated. I think after years of reading our letters to you the officers who check through them know of our situation right now, but it is hard to prove anything without any concrete evidence and that is something we do not have now. Well, I suppose they have my injuries from when I first arrived but that was four months ago now. It is weird to write or even to think we have been here for four months now. It feels like just yesterday we were getting off the train and settling into camp for the first time.

I miss you both so much. I thought it was going to be harder being away from home for the first time for so long, but I feel as if I am doing okay. It would be much better if I were at home with you, but at the same time I feel like I was meant to be here with Rigo, Jorel and George as well as my three new friends. Jordon, Matthew, and Dylan have been so nice and non-judgmental to the little bits of information they have been privy to. Of course, Rigo and I were never going to tell them everything that has been going on because quite frankly there are some things about what we went through that I really do not want to be telling anyone else. It's bad enough having those memories myself let alone reliving it by telling someone else.