Beneath What it Seems

Kabanata 39

Different light

After what happened in the orphanage, I had the chance to self-reflect and realize alot of things.

Dati ay galit na galit ako sa mga bida sa pinapanood kong palabas dahil bumabalik pa rin sila sa taong ilang beses na silang sinaktan. Parang tanga lang kasi. Pero iba pala talaga pag ikaw na yung nakaramdam. Iba pala talaga pag ikaw na yung nasa ganoong sitwasyon. Iba pala talaga pag ikaw na yung nagmahal. Mahihirapan ka nang kontrolin yung sarili mo.

Love is something deep. It is not just something you can decide to ignore. No matter how much I try to deny, I still truly love Ridge after all these years.

Then I asked myself: What is it that is holding me back, then? What is it that keeps on stoping me from giving him a chance?

The answers are the following. One is his Mother. I know for a fact that she wouldn't be pleased once she finds out. She have clearly shown me how much she loathes me. She even destroyed a part of my past. She definitely wouldn't agree on what we have as long as I look like this. As long as I look like some kind of a badass. As long as I have these tattoo, piercing and haircolor.

The other reason would probably be my fear to get hurt. No matter how hard Ridge have put an effort to show how much he was sorry, how much he regrets judging me, and how much he loves me, there's still that tiny fear. What if he realize along the way that he doesn't like me for who I am? What if he's just fixated to the idea of being my first but still thinks badly of me?

But then, despite all these backlashes, I asked myself: Who are you again?

I'm Lia Kennedy V. Mesina. A lionhearted lady that goes for what her heart desires. I don't think twice when I want something. I want my hair dyed? Cool, let's get it. I want my ear pierced? No problem, let's do it. I want a tattoo? Nice, let's go for it.

I want Ridge Terrence P. Asterio? Then what the hell am I waiting for? I'll have him.

I'm Lia Kennedy V. Mesina. A game-changer. His Mom thinks awfully of me? Then I'll prove her wrong. She would like the conventional type of good girl for her son? Then sorry not sorry but I will never change myself. She won't ever be able to deal with me? Then I'll let her deal with herself forever.

One thing is for sure, I'll never be the same scared cat she met three years ago. I was raised knowing what respect means, and I will forever bring that with me, but I will definitely not let her hinder my happiness once again.

I am Lia Kennedy V. Mesina. A spirited young woman. Heartaches? Uncertainties? Doubts? I'll face all of it head on.

After all, this is love that we are talking about. Love is a gamble. You have to take a risk. There would definitely be ups and downs. You wouldn't know how good days feel like if you never had bad days.

So bring it on, Life. Whatever it is that you have for me along this journey, I'm ready. My decision is firm.

I will give love and I will receive love.

I will always stand by this choice.

"Gwapo ng boyfriend mo, dzai ha," kumento ng usual na nag-aayos ng buhok ko sa salon.

Nginisihan ko lang siya. Tumingin ako sa salamin at nakita ang repleksyon ni Ridge na nakaupo sa couch. Nakadekwatro ito at may hawak na magasin. Kunot pa ang noo niya habang nakatitig doon. I smiled at the view. He looks so out of place here. But I love the fact that he's here because I'm here.