Stand By Me

Part 1- Mother

How is it possible to feel so alone with so many people around you?

As I sit on the cold, wooden bench I watch everyone laugh and smile with sentiment. I listen to them tell stories about who my mother was, and how incredible her presence was on this earth. It should bring me comfort, but instead it makes me angry.

I'm angry at their ability to put on a happy face while my soul has been crushed to oblivion. I'm angry that they get to go home after this funeral and return to their normal lives, while I have to go back home and face this new emptiness in my life that will never be filled.

"I'm so sorry for your loss." A sympathetic voice weasels it's way into my ears, forcing me to look up from the grass.

"Thank you." I mutter tiredly.

"If you need anything, you know I'm ju-"

"Just a phone call away, yeah. I've heard that line twenty thousand times today." I seethe and bury my head in my hands, tears warming up behind my eye sockets for the umpteenth time.

"I've got to get out of here." I mutter to myself as I slowly rise up from the bench. My legs feel shaky, and my head hurts like hell- but I trudge on through the grass until I reach my car in the parking lot.

With trembling hands I retrieve my keys out of my overcoat pocket, then open up my door. Immediately I spot a mangled looking teddy bear sat comfortably in the passenger seat, staring at me with its dark beady eyes.

"Oh Cuddlebear." I break down and take it into my arms, clutching onto it for dear life as I fall onto the pavement. My tears have run dry, though I still cry as hard as before- nuzzling my face into my the bear as if it could bring me some sort of comfort.

"Excuse me?" A man gently inquires as he stands by the hood of my car.

"Go away please." I plead with a quivering voice, holding my teddy even tighter against my chest.

The man doesn't respond, instead he remains still- watching me through his thick sunglasses. I must look insane to him sitting in a gravel parking lot weeping into a stuffed animal, but what do I care?

"Miss, are you alright?"

Something in me snaps, and all of the sudden my sadness melts into a pure, vengeful rage.

"Of course I'm not alright! God, why does everyone keep asking me that? My mum is gone! Dead! Never coming back so long as I live on this earth!" I scream and throw my bear across the lot, sobbing uncontrollably into my knees as I bring them up to my face.

I could hear footsteps tapping around my car, then eventually I felt a presence as the man sat down next to me, his shoulder touching mine.

"What was her name?" He asks in a gentle voice.

I can't force myself to look up yet, but I do answer him.

"Joanna." I whimper softly, my breath catching as I speak.

"That's beautiful. Mine was Julia."

I finally muster the strength to raise my head up, then turn to look at the stranger sitting next to me.

"Y-you lost your mum too?" I ask, sniffling.

"Many years ago. I was seventeen. She's buried right over there." He points to one of the tombstones.

"Oh. I'm...I'm so sorry."

"Not looking for sympathy, love. I just wanted you to know you're not alone, alright?"

I nod and turn away, staring off into the distance at the clouds.

"So you know what it's like then."

"I do, and It's the worst thing in the world."

"You can say that again." I mumble quietly.

"It's the worst thing in the world." He jokes.

I suddenly break out into a fit of breathy giggles, smiling for the first time today. It feels oddly cathartic, like a small bit of weight had been lifted off of my spirit.

Once I finish laughing I turn my head once again to look at the man next to me, now with fresh, grateful eyes.

"Who even are you?"

"I'm John." He smiles. "And you are?"

"Bella."