Yours Truly, Juliet [s.m.]

Four [s]

Being a singer it's the dream for several people. Sharing your dreams with thousands of people and being able to hear the crowd singing your songs on the top of their was lungs was quite magical. Knowing that you made the difference on their lives with a few lines or just feel connected to them was the best part of it. The flashing lights and photographs? Not so much.

Fame had its advantages and disadvantages. It was good for my career of course, the more viewers I got, the more successful I would be, but for someone who wanted to live their life regularly it wasn't much of a help.

Eventually the feeling of being on stage and interacting with fans would balance everything out, but the way things happened with me was skyrocketing. There was no space to breath and there was no slowing down for sure.

After the success of my second album and following tour, we decided to work straight on the next one. This time I wanted to have a bigger role on the writing process, so I asked my manager to call the team to work on a few lyrics I had written in my journal.

Despite the fact that my songs were quite successful, I felt like there was something missing. Some of them weren't actually written by me and that was kind of a problem. You need to feel things, weather is singing, writing, producing, and that wasn't happening in a few songs.

As an artist I also felt like I should man up and be apart of the whole process to grow and maybe some day be a part of a bigger project, like collaborating for a big album or a well known performance, so maybe this was a good opportunity to learn more about the industry.

For those reasons I started working on a few tunes on the piano and on the guitar and some lines that had crossed my mind randomly. Even though those were random, seemed to have potential, so I showed them to the team and they were down to work on them.

Currently we were at a studio in New York city recording some stuff. I requested to be in this city looking for excitement, something in those bright lights who would inspire me. We could've gone for a quieter place but I specifically asked to be here so that I could see something different in the city's insane pace, in its beautiful scenario at night or on the tiny details that people barely noticed because they were too busy with their lives. It was inconvenient because I would get spotted by fans a couple of times, but I honestly felt that it would be worth it.

And I was right, it was working. As soon as we started writing, I felt something different in the air. My feelings were now exposed and the songs were coming out smoothly. I felt more honest with myself than I had ever been and it was an incredible experience. Putting myself would be hard, but there is nothing wrong with just sharing your feelings.

We had just finished a song and jumped right into the piano to find the right tone for it and before I knew it I was already recording a raw version.

As the song resumed, I looked up to my team who gave me a huge thumbs up, reassuring me that I did a great job. I joined them to listen to the tape and even though was a first version, I had to admit that it was good. I could see myself singing that in a sold out arena and connecting myself with the fans. That was key for me.

"Okay guys, let's wrap it up for today, thank you so much"

"Anytime Rockstar" Teddy said while  packing her stuff.

After giving some hugs and saying goodbye to the group, I went on a walk to the central park. The cold air hit my face roughly, making me bury my hands in the pockets of the jacket I was wearing.

That was one of the best things about being in the city that never sleeps, being able to take long walks and never get tired from it. There was always something new. Daylight and nighttime gave me different views on the things I watched and maybe that's one of the reasons why I enjoyed doing it so much.

It also gave me some space to think about my life and to slow down my mind. Sometimes songwriting can be extremely exhausting and taking a walk, drinking a hot chocolate can be the key to relax and empty your mind from any frustration or disappointment.

Apart from music there wasn't much going on with my life. I would travel to Toronto occasionally to see my friends and stayed a few days in Pickering to spend sometime with my family. One of the bittersweet feelings about my lifestyle was the fact that I was away from home most of the time and it was not only bad for me but most importantly for them. Making sure that I had some time for them was definitely on my top list of priorities, it was just hard to manage with my job. Their support made me feel less guilty for leaving and made it easier, but it was still difficult to deal with it.

As for love, there weren't definitely any news. After dealing with a few bumps on the road I decided to give my heart a break. There is nothing worse than being alone but having someone who doesn't truly love you isn't also the best solution. They're there for your body, not for your soul and that will lead to bigger heartache than any other situation. It's a game that will lead you to drown in deep waters before you know.

That's how I felt in my recent flings. They were there for fame or simply because I was a baby face. Not because they actually cared and it hurt.

For that reason I decided to stop trying to find someone to fill that void. Maybe someone would come around and just make it better. Love me for who I truly am and not for my name, inspire me to write incredible love songs and enjoy this amazing ride called life.

I found myself smiling at that thought. Having someone to talk about anything, anytime. Having the silliest yet most meaningful moments and just enjoy her company.

I wondered how she would like. Brunette with wild curls or blond with straight hair? Honey eyes or deep blue? Would she be way smaller than me or only a few inches off? Those questions danced through my mind and my heart skipped a bit simply thinking about it. She was out there and I was dying to know her, but one step at a time.

My phone buzzing woke me up from the trance I was in. As I read the name across the screen, I couldn't help but to smile, so quickly I swiped right to answer.

"Hello stranger, how have you been?" my little sister's voice echoed through the phone and for a few seconds I felt that warm fuzzy feeling of being home, even being a couple of miles away.

"Hey sis, I'm good, you?"

"I'm good, just wanted to check on the status of my dork brother." I chucked at her words. Me and Aaliyah had a great relationship and roasting each other was a way to say I love you without saying it, if that makes sense.

"Well, your dork brother just went on a walk after a writing session. What about you?" She quickly gave me an insight on her day and how exhausting was her hockey practice. Since I had played as well, gave her a few tips and told her to rock on the ice. She would do it way better than I did to be honest, but I kept telling her the opposite to roast her. She knew how proud of her I was though, I didn't need to tell her.

"Well, I actually called you for something else" I laughed, curious about what was coming.

"I knew you were up to something. What's up?"

"Do your fans know your exact adress?" I furrowed at her words. They know where I lived but not the exact place. Well, some of them maybe would because there are some fans too friendly who invaded my privacy once in a while but not many for sure. I tried to keep it private for my family's privacy. I had a hectic live already, didn't want to give them any stress.

"Not that I know of, why? Did anything happen?"

"No, we're good" I breath out in relief. The last thing that they needed was trouble in their lives. "We just have been receiving a few letters, that's why I was wondering."

"Letters?" she simply answered with a hum and I stayed silent as a sign to let her continue.

"Postcards to be more exact" well, that was different. I had received fans letters but certainly not postcards.

"It's probably just a fan, I'll grab them when I come home"

"Are you sure it's just a fan? I've read a few of your letters and let me tell you, these are quite different."

So I told her to send me a picture of the card and she was right, those were different, good different.

"Seems like you have and admirer bro."

"Don't get too hyped, it's probably another fan."

Here is the game changer, she wasn't.