Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Bella: Our Differences

It explains clearly what the story will be about, the differences between two or more people and it shows that the book will highlight these issues.

I have to wonder if this was your first choice or if you had some others before this. Otherwise, good job!

Summary: 3/5

The cover was all in, the title pulled back and now we're at the summary.

You've included everything you need to, but it just needs a little tugging at the reigns. You introduced your MCs, you've set the stage so to speak, you've introduced conflict and lightly touched upon why the reader should read this book.

I like that you've highlighted each girl and given them a little spotlight to showcase themselves and the specific things about these characters that the reader should know before reading the story.

I recognise that you've highlighted the stakes at risk: their secrets being revealed. And I appreciate how you've revealed how the budding friendship will begin but left it at a mystery as to how exactly the secrets will come to light other than it being a twist of fate.

Now let's get into the critiques:

Immediately I notice that Chloe has more lines of description than Felicity. You should try and equal this out as much as possible so you don't overload with unnecessary information on one character while the other is left without any time to shine.

You've given way too much information for both girls regardless. I'd like to see you try and compact their descriptions into three/ four sentences each. This will really challenge you to discover exactly what it is you want the reader to know without telling them everything about the character before they've even opened the book.

I like how you've introduced Chloe in the beginning as rich, popular and fashionable. It's again, short and sweet which I like. You're giving me a taste and making me want more. Like a cinnamon roll. All the info about Chloe having the best friends and being on top of the social food chain is completely unnecessary. Don't need it.

Chloe Jefferson; Rich, popular and fashionable.

You use a semi colon incorrectly here. A semicolon is used when attaching two singular sentences together that make sense on their own without the other. In this instance, that is not the case. Also you do not use a capital letter after a semicolon. The use of a colon would be more appropriate, as you are listing things about the character.

Chloe Jefferson: rich, popular and fashionable.

Immediately the flow is there, it's more seamless and most importantly—it makes sense.

She's so pretty, one wouldn't be surprised if she appeared on the front cover of Seventeen magazine. Her life seems perfect.

Along with the first sentence of descriptors, I've cut out the fluffy information and kept what I deemed necessary. You're not overloaded, just given enough of one side to Chloe that it makes you want to know more.

Chloe has a secret; One she'd try to keep hidden at all costs.

Again it's the incorrect use of a semicolon. You just need to brush up on your grammar a little. This is important as this summary is one of the first things people see before reading your book. If they don't see something they like and can point out more mistakes than positives in your writing—they'll be swiping left on your book.

Perfect people like Chloe have secrets, secrets that should stay buried at all costs.

In this example I've rearranged some words and added some. I've established Chloe is seemingly perfect but she has a secret, and established what she'll do to keep it hidden. Again, the flow is better and easier for the reader to get through.