CONSUME

05.

"I wasn't aware that we were close at all, we've talked like two times and he gives me the heebie-jeebies. Do you think there's something wrong with him?" Esther asked.

"Wrong? No, or well I mean he's a police officer so I don't think he would get that position if there were something actually wrong with him." The words didn't go trough Esther's brain, the title didn't mean much to her. He could still be a bad man, just hiding behind a badge.

"Well I still don't like him, police officer or not. If he mentions me tell him to shut up, might not with those exact words but the same point." She spoke, not wanting the officer to speak or think about her at all.

"I'll kick his ass if you want to, just say the word and I'll mess him up like I did to Jonah in third grade." Mia spoke and the flashback of her throwing a boy twice her size into a bush and cussing him out made them both laugh.

"I want you to mess him up a little bit, not damage him for life." Esther commented, feeling a bit lighter as they rounded the corner and spotted the mall.
If everything was normal she would've hated the mall and all the people it came with, finding it socially draining, but now it felt more secure to be around people then be alone.

"I forgot to tell you a little something, we're shopping for a party this weekend." Mia said with a large smile as she linked their arms and dragged them both into the nearest store.

"Who is having a party? It's cold outside, I don't feel like partying."

"Guess who."

"You?"

"Hell to the yes. If your parents have a lake house, you better use it and use it well."

"What's the dress code?"

"Young, broke and slutty."

"I'll come if there's karaoke."

"You can't sing for shit."

"That won't stop me." 

"What could possibly go wrong?"

The two smiled at each other. For once Esther felt glad to have a busy weekend. It wasn't her normal environment but it would be nice with food and music, and she guessed being with friends wouldn't be the absolute worst either.

"Try it." Mia ordered and threw a dress onto Esther, who huffed but didn't bother to protest. It wasn't a battle worth picking.

Esther had a complicated relationship with the mirror. It consisted of the mirror existing and her hating it with a strong passion. She liked fashion and pretty clothing, but they just didn't feel pretty on her. Nothing seemed to match the chubby face and the round body. Her thighs had always been large, her stomach and arms too and the cellulite covered her skin like lightening marks. She had always been curvy, a little bit bigger then the other girls as a kid and it had given her permanent insecurities that made it hard to like herself in any item of clothing. It made it hard to like herself at all.

When she looked at herself in the mirror she could only see imperfections. The first thing she would think when trying a dress is that her arms looked big, or her stomach wasn't flat when in reality it was a pretty dress on a body, that was perfect in it's own way. She had learned to not trust her own biased opinion regarding her body and it's why she often listened to Mia when buying clothes. Or bought the things she found pretty and didn't think much of it, knowing it was better then overthinking something she couldn't change.

"Hey, Seth just asked if you're coming this weekend." Mia gave Esther a suggestive look, a grin on her face as she quickly wrote something on her phone. "He's coming now that he knows you'll be there, punk."

"It's just because you scare him, you did throw a dagger at him last time there was a party. If I wasn't there he'd bleed out!"

"I didn't throw, I yeeted that shit." Mia huffed.

"I'll help you shop for the weekend. Make sure you don't buy more daggers so Seth doesn't have to live in constant fear."

Esther liked the thought of Seth coming, he was dim witted and somewhat of a fool but he was kind and great company. The two usually wound up being the only sober ones, and they had the same humor which is something they would bond over.

She felt excited for the weekend, a warm feeling growing in her chest as she thought of getting out of town and having fun.

After hours of shopping Esther had collapsed on her bed, the fat cat in her arms and bags thrown on the carpet. Being with Mia had been great, which is why she felt a little bit empty once she was all alone. Besides that a strange feeling always crawled upon her when she was home alone. It seemed like the energy shifted and the paranoia gnawed at her, like someone was behind her the second she looked away.

There hadn't been a letter today, which made her feel quite relieved. It would be careless to think it was over, but she couldn't keep the dumb hope away.
She hoped it was over, that he was gone and there would never be a poster.

But that would be naive wouldn't it?