Lost in The City // H.S.

Chapter 30

"What are you doing here Harry?" I question with disgust when I can't take the intensity of the silence anymore.

He pushes past me without a word and into my apartment. He begins pacing back and forth running his hands through his hair letting me know that he is stressed. But he doesn't say a word. I watch him as he paces back and forth. I wish I knew what was going on in that head of his.

"Do you want to be with me?" He asks abruptly, stopping his pacing and staring right at me again.

Shit. I can't breathe or think when he looks at me like that.

I don't know what to say, I need a minute to think. I am angry with him, but he always blurs my thoughts. I look away from his gaze not having an answer to his question. Instead I close my front door that is still open trying to give myself just a moment to figure things out.

"I uhh.." I start to stumble my mind racing.

What is he even doing here. Where is this coming from. I saw him at the club with that girl. He didn't follow me then, what is he doing here all the sudden.

"Fuck Anna! Answer the damn question!" He yells and my eyes shoot up to look at him across the living room.

I send him a glare. How dare he come here and demand anything from me. He has never talked to me like that before. He is breathing heavily and panicking. He looks desperate and his eyes are begging for an answer from me.

I'm terrified because I know what the answer is and I want to give it to him. But I am scared of how much I feel for him. If he knows, he could break me with it.

"Don't talk to me like that," I finally snap.

"Please answer the question," He begs quietly this time as he walks closer to me.

My eyes haven't left his as I remain silent. His eyes holding me in place. I want to back away from him but my feet feel cemented to the ground.

"I need you to tell me," he continues his eyes pleading with me and now he is only a foot away from me. I can nearly feel his warmth that has been missing the last few days.

"You don't get to do this. You don't get to come here and demand to be told things when you have ignored me for days. I thought we were past that. Past this." I say.

I stare right at him this time, not looking away. I am not running away from him anymore.

"I'm sorry," he sighs.

"I'm so tired of hearing that Harry," I snap turning away from him. "What are you even doing here?"

"We need to talk," he states like I should know that is why he is here.

"Talk! I wanted to talk days ago! Where were you then Harry?! Were you with Becca or maybe some other girl from a bar, huh? I never wanted to do this with you. I wanted to be your friend because I knew this would happen. But you just kept pushing me! Why the hell did you do this just to disappear. Was this your plan? Is this fun for you? You make me fall for you just to disappear. Was any of it even true?" My throat is tight and I am doing everything I can not to let the tears fall because I don't want him to see them. He doesn't deserve them.

"Of course not! Of course it's true! You know that!" He yells back.

"I don't. I don't know that." I shake my head looking away from him.

"I feel guilty." He says suddenly and his voice sounds nearly hollow.

"What?"

"You make me happy. I feel good when I am around you and then I start to feel guilty. He's dead. He's not alive anymore, he didn't get to be happy. So why am I allowed to be happy?" his voice is so empty it doesn't even sound like him. "So I disappear, I leave because I can't take the guilt, okay? It's nothing you did. It has nothing to do with you. It's me. I'm sorry." I can see the emotion in his eyes and I want to be mad. I am mad. But all I want to do is hold him right now.