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I'm sorry

I saw that she hesitated to leave and at one point I thought that this was all just an ugly dream. What have I done? 
Did I want to lose her again? Well, good fucking job, Jeon Jungkook. But it's not happening, not again! 

"No, Lisa, don't go," I ran after her and grabbed her elbow, turning her to face me. 

I made her cry. Again. I'm such a bastard. 
She was right, instead of believing her, I made baseless assumptions and it would cost me losing her once again. And we just got back together!

"No,Jungkook, I...," she started, tears streaming down her face. 

"I'm sorry, baby, I'm so sorry, please don't leave me, please don't go," I was so desperate that I knelt before her and hugged her around her waist with my head pressed hard on her abdomen. 

We were both crying. Why did our love have to be this painful? Why did we have to face numerous obstacles throughout our relationship? 
Why did I have to act so quick and thoughtless? Why did I have to hurt her all the time? 

I felt her kneeling beside me, taking my face into her hands and looking me straight into the eyes. 

"I'm sorry, Jungkook. I never wanted to break up with you. 
I love you so freaking much, for God's sake, I don't think I can live my life any longer without you, but please, I beg you, never doubt my love towards you. 
Restrain yourself from your jealousy and doubt and I'll make you the happiest man on Earth," she whispered to me and pressed my head on her chest. 

I could hear her hard beating heart.

But as much as I liked sitting there with my head against her body, I had to face her and tell her how I feel. 

"You know Lisa, usually I act like I don't care.
 Many portray me as cold and unapproachable. I cope with the toughness I show to the world, I learned to be tough because life was everything but kind to me. 
I went through fire and it shaped me to be like this,to act as nothing and no one can bring me into a position where I would lose my head, but you are different. 
I'm scared of losing you to someone else, I'm scared that you will get sick of me being away a lot of time and would want to be with someone that can spoil you with love all the time. 
I'm scared that my flaws will be greater than your love towards me. 
I'm scared because I care, I care about what you think. I love you so much, Lalisa, you can't even imagine," I ended my monologue with her listening to me quietly. 

"But Jungkook, there is nothing to be afraid of. I'm in love with you, with the whole you. Your good and your bad sides, with all your virtues and flaws. 
I accepted you as you are and loved you nevertheless. So, please, knowing that you are the one and only for me, give us a chance to be happy although fate doesn't really cherish the two of us," she said and kissed my cheek.