M U T E

|| 23 ||

I stopped eating again. I stopped doing my homework. I stopped talking. I even stopped reading. My life just went in an endless cycle, and I just kept going like a lifeless zombie. I woke up every day. I went to school, ignored everyone, and sat in the back of the bus alone. I would go to work, and try my best to keep a plastic smile on my face. Plastic, as in faker than a Barbie doll.
I am a broken toy. I'm all used up, and probably should be thrown out, but that little kid refuses to let go. That broken toy isn't able to be used anymore, and it just an object that takes up space in a toy box called the world. It's a toy that can't be fixed. It's a very, very damaged toy. Not even the best toy-fixer in the universe can patch it up. 

I broke the only friendship I had. My mom is walking on eggshells around me, scared that I will lash out on her. The boys go silent when I'm around. Jocelyn and Lilliana are very careful around me. 

I'm a broken toy that has a scarred up face, so it's scary looking, and you don't want to go near it. I'm also so delicate that one will fear of touching me because I might completely fall apart.
Two weeks go by so quickly. I'm starting to lose interest in everything that I used to love. I haven't touched a book in two weeks. I haven't played the album from Christmas. The concert is coming up in a week. I don't want to go. Everything is so dull to me. Life is starting to seem pointless. 

I know Bryce has been trying to contact me. He shows up at the library all the time. I keep myself busy, so he can't talk to me. My room door is always locked, so he can't get in. If I see him in school, I turn the other direction. Until...

It's three days before the concert. I'm walking to chemistry, taking my time. I don't care if I'm late. My grades are dropping like crazy anyway. I feel a pull on my wrist, and I'm dragged into some closet. Usually, I'd get all panicked because 'what if it is an ax murderer?!' Well, this time, I feel nothing. This time I don't care if it's an ax murderer. If I am meant to die this way, let it be.
I close my eyes waiting for something to happen. Then I feel arms around me, and I am pressed up against a body. I open my eyes. It's Bryce. He's holding onto me as if he thinks I'm going to run away. I would, but he's really holding me in place. That's when I notice he's crying. He's never cried in front of me.

I hurt him. 

"Reyna, Reyna. Stop doing this to me. Do you know how painful this is?! I care about you a lot, Reyna. Your mom and your brothers care about you a lot. Myra, even though she's hurt, is so worried about you. I just want to know what happened. I want to fix this," he says. 

I say nothing. He runs his fingers through my hair. That is when I felt the first piece of my heart come back to me. It's just a small piece that makes a difference. I start feeling again. I've been walking around emotionless this long, and I have just one feeling now. Sadness. 

A shrill noise escapes my throat, and then I cry, I sob, and I spill.

"God, Bryce. Everyone l-l-leaves me, okay? I-I have no one and nothing to keep me here. I saw you and Jocelyn k-kissing and holding han-hands. I watched Jocelyn, someone I thought was becoming my f-friend, go around and become best friends with the person that enjoys bringing me pain. Then Vienna. God, Vienna! She showed me who I really am. I'm evil. It's not everyone else leaving me. It's me scaring and pushing them away. Myra was always there for me, but I knew it was painful for her. She needs someone that will dance with her when she's being goofy. She needs someone who can have endless conversations with her. She needs someone who is not-(pause, breath) who is not me. I'm just ruining it for her. I'm a waste of space, and Bryce..I-I have made too many mistakes. I shouldn't be here anymore, living. I-I don't deserve it."
There are two minutes of silence beside my sobbing. 

"D-Don't ever say that you shouldn't be living," this is the first time I see Bryce hesitate, "Don't scare me like that. I know what you saw, but you need to stick around for more than a moment. I pushed her away and told her I wasn't into her like that. I kept avoiding her. I was about to wait up for you one day because I wanted to talk. That's when she took my hand. I took my hand back, and looked back for you, but I didn't see you. Vienna is saying those things because she is jealous. She's frustrated that no matter what she does, I always seem to be more interested in you. I want to see you better. Myra loves you too. She doesn't care that you aren't wild. She loves you the way you are because that's the girl she decided to become best friends with. She could've walked away, but she didn't. If you apologize, trust me, you will have Myra right back by your side, and you always have me too, okay? I'm always here for you, Reyna. So please, don't push me away. Let me be here for you. Let me help you up again. That's what friends are for. Helping each other up," he says.

I start crying more. He holds me until I stop. We both completely missed our seventh period classes. 

"I want to go home," I say, finally after I've calmed down enough. 

My eyes are puffy, and my face is red. I feel the hunger of 2 weeks with no food. I feel tired.
"I'll take you home," he says. 

He puts a hand on my back, leading me out of the closet. We walk out one of the back doors and go to his car. No one stops us. When we get into the car, he asks me, "so will you go with me to the concert on Friday? I don't want to waste these tickets." 

I look at his hand that holds two tickets. I give him a simple nod of my head meaning yes.