M U T E

|| 5 ||

Fear is okay. When I was young, I used to have a fear of the cracks in the sidewalk. You know those stupid childhood rhymes? I took them seriously. Yeah, childhood is fun when you have to hop everywhere you go because you're scared of breaking your mother's back. I got over the fear eventually. I think that's part of growing up. I have new fears now. I fear for the math exam in two weeks. I fear for a complete mess-up presenting on Friday. I fear for being too lost to ever be found. These fears will leave and be replaced. It's a cycle. Everyone always has a fear, they just change constantly. Some fears are easily taken over, some fears stay awhile.

I'm in my usual corner of the school library reading Lost. This time, Bryce sits beside me. He's reading also. It is the book, A Wrinkle in Time, a book that I love. He's about 3 inches to the left of me.

"Do you need something?" He asks me without looking up from his book.

I didn't even notice that I had been staring at him for the last couple of minutes. I quickly cover my face with my book causing him to let out a light laugh.

"I bet you're surprised to find me reading. Well, I love reading. It's pretty cool to go into someone else's point of view and see how they look at the world," Bryce says.

"It's like you're connecting. The person who wrote it, you're connecting to them through something deeper than a conversation. It's words on paper, but you can see their feelings and thoughts. It's a connection. So who needs conversation? Isn't a book a much better and greater connection?" I whisper, looking at my book the whole time.

My voice is quiet. I'm still nervous.

"Books are a great connection. However, you never know what sort of connection a conversation could bring. It could be a deeper connection than any book. It is about the experience. As in, you'd have to experience the connection to take into knowledge that it exists," he replies to me.

His finger touches my shoulder.

"I enjoyed reading with you today. Are you hungry? There are a few minutes left of lunch. I'll buy you something," he says as he stands up.

He puts his hand out for me to offer helping me up. I am about to get up on my own, but he takes my hand to pull me up before I can. I don't say anything as I follow him into the lunchroom.

"What do you want?" He asks me.

I look around at the food selection, then point to my favorite. Oreos. There's about 6 in a pack, and they cost $1.25. He picks them up.

"Only this?" He asks.

I nod quickly.

"You seem pretty eager. You really like Oreos, don't you?"

I bite my lip nervously and look down.

"Just a little," I mumble.

Next thing I know, he's at the checkout paying for the Oreos. Then, he hands them to me, and I have this idiot smile on my face.

"Now, that's one nice smile."

I quickly wipe the smile off my face.

"No need to be shy about smiling. I think your smile is brilliant," he puts his hand to my cheek, pushing up the right side of my mouth causing it to curl upwards like a half smile.

I start feeling extreme nervousness, so I turn away, covering my face with my hair. I twirl a strand of my hair around my finger.

He takes me to the bench I usually sit at, and we sit down together. I open my Oreos and relish the creamy deliciousness taste of these magnificent cookies.

"Bryce, where were you? Why didn't you come to Lunch?" A guy approaches us just as the bell rings ending lunch.

"I was reading with my new friend," Bryce tells him.

The guy looks over at me.

"You've made friends with Mute?" I notice a look of confusion presented on his face.

I cover my face with my hair. Friends? I think of him more like someone who occasionally talks to me. Or someone I occasionally bump into. I never have friends. At least, I never have friends other than Myra.

"Mute? Her name is Reyna. It's a beautiful name as well, so you should try using it," Bryce says.

"Um, sorry Reyna. Is it okay if I just borrow Bryce? I think he may be ill or something," he drags Bryce away.

Ill? Did I do something wrong? I put my knees up on the bench and hide my face in them.

"Reyna?" Myra's voice is above me now.

I don't look up.

"Is something wrong?"

I don't move. She sits down. I get up, and I simply walk away without saying anything to her.

I have one Oreo left and am holding it now. I lean against the lockers and look at it. I thought I could get by with having no friends and not talking ever. I thought all I needed was books. I am just going to make more mistakes. Myra came along and she stayed for this long. I didn't talk because I knew she wouldn't have stayed if I did.

"Nothing that comes from your mouth is right! Don't you realize how much your words suck?!"

Yes, I realize it. I put the Oreo in my mouth and turn just as my phone rings. It's my dad. I answer it and step aside, so that I'm out of everyone's way.

"Dad?" I say quietly into the phone.

"I'm picking you up right now. I just called the school, and I'll be there in a few minutes. Your mother's fever just shot up, and she's in the hospital. Wait for me in the front."

The call ends. I put my phone in the pocket, and run towards the front of the building, knocking someone over in the process and sending us both to the ground. I fell over his stomach. I sit up, without looking at his face, and I start running again. I trip over the front door as I'm running out of it, landing myself on the ground once again. Everything in my bookbag falls out.

I hurriedly start shoving everything back into my bag when someone comes to help me. I look up, and by the looks of it, he's a freshman boy. He doesn't say a word to me. He just helps me, then walks off. I didn't say thanks. I get up and wait anxiously for my dad.

I see his car pull up, and I run to it.

"We have to go get the boys, but I really want to be with your mom in the hospital. Since that's closer, I'm going to drive there, and I want you to drive and pick up the boys."

I nod, and he starts driving. We get to the hospital without talking and trade places. I don't drive often, but I have my license with insurance linked with my parents, so I can drive. I drive to the boys' elementary school and park, then walk inside. I have to sign them out in order for them to leave. The front desk workers let me sign them out, knowing the situation. I drive them to the hospital, and we get up to mom's room as soon as we could.

The boys are asking questions right up until we get to the room, then they become silent, seeing her. The boys hold on tightly to each of my arms. I sigh, leading them into the room.