M U T E

|| 22 ||

After another miserable week of break, today is finally the day we get back in school. Everything hurt inside and out. My sides still pain me every time I move, and my heart is so fragile, anyone can make a tear in it so easy. Myra and Bryce questioned me the next day about me leaving early. I just told them that I felt sick.

I go to my locker first thing, and I feel someone kick my leg. I look back.

Vienna and Jocelyn walk side by side like they are best friends. Jocelyn didn't notice the kick. I don't get it. When I hung out with Bryce, Vienna hated me for it. Jocelyn kisses Bryce, and Vienna loves her. What's so wrong with me? 

My voice, my looks, my clumsiness, isn't everything wrong with me? I'm a mess.
Jocelyn is the definition of perfect. She's beautiful, she's graceful, she's girly, and just perfect.
School becomes miserable, home is not much better. At school, I see Jocelyn with Vienna and her group. I don't see her with Bryce much which I don't understand.. Wait, there they are.
Jocelyn takes his hand, holding it like they're a couple. I trip over my own feet, then rush into my classroom. 

I've been able to keep myself distracted from everything that's going wrong. I got a job. It was actually by chance and good luck. I was sitting in the library, filling out applications when the librarian came up to me. She knows me pretty well since I love the library. She saw that I was looking for a job, and told me she would absolutely love for me to work for her. I knew the library like the back of my hand, and I know all about books, so I thought it would be the perfect job for me. It definitely is, and it keeps me away from home. It's what keeps me sane for now.

* * * *

January 15th. 15 days of misery, and this is when my tissue paper heart rips not just once, but a billion times over. I'm about to leave from school after my last class. I don't have gym anymore since it's a semester class. I now aide in the school library for 8th period. Vienna catches me at the doorway of the library. 

"Hey, Bitch," she greets. 

I wonder if she knows my name. 

"Guess what I know?" She smirks and pushes me back into the library. 

She takes me somewhere more private in the library then starts talking. 

"My best friend, Jocelyn, was talking about how you two go way back. She said you were such a bad friend to her! You always left her to go hang out with groups of people. When she seemed upset, you never asked her what was wrong. It seems like you didn't care. You were quite the Bitch, weren't you?" She laughs, "she also told me what you said with your filthy, dirty mouth. You didn't even apologize! My gosh, Reyna! I never knew you were so evil. You should really keep that mouth shut! Now I know why you are quiet because you're guilty. You don't know what will come out of that mouth of yours next. You don't deserve Bryce. Hell, you don't even deserve that perky friend of yours. You deserve to be alone. Forever." 

She turned and walked away after giving me a stern glare. I took a few deep breaths. I wipe the tears on my face away. I get on my bus, and I sit in the back. I sit alone.

* * * *

I can't believe I did that. I hate myself. I really, really hate myself. I'm just so awful! I'm evil and rude and stupid and all the things Vienna told me I am. I ruined everything. My tissue papered heart lays in pieces. I have no heart after what I just did. 

"Rey! Why did you sit in the back? Is something wrong?"

I ignore her.

"Rey, please don't shut me out.

I still ignore her.

"Did I do something?"

No. I did something. Now, I'm about to do something worse.

"Can't you see that I don't want to talk?! Can't you see, I never have wanted to talk? I don't like you, Myra. You try so so hard to be my friend, but I know you're sick of me! I'm "too much to handle" whatever! I'll do you a favor, Myra. I don't want to be your friend anymore. Please, just don't ever talk to me again."

I yelled at her. Yelling is exaggerating, but my voice did rise more than usual. She looked hurt. I turned my back, and I walked away from her. That's when I knew my heart was no longer there. Vienna crumpled my heart till it was in pieces. I cleaned up the mess by taking my damaged heart out, and I replaced it with a cold ice cube. I broke. 

I'm locked up in my room now, crying. I just made a huge mistake. I know that.