indigo | moxiety | sanders sides [ONGOING !!!]

04. patton

It had been a few days since Virgil had his panic attack. I had barely seen him since. I mean, sure, I saw him every night when I got back to our room, but he was always already asleep. And he had a class earlier than I usually woke up, so I didn't see him in the mornings either. We had barely had a conversation since it happened. It almost seemed as though he was ignoring me.

I didn't know if he was or not, but I didn't push. If he didn't want to see me, he probably had a good reason. That being said, I did worry that I had done something wrong. I didn't want him to be upset with me.

An unexpected notification on my phone pulled me out of my thoughts. I stood up and grabbed it off of my nightstand. It was an email from my professor saying that my class had been cancelled. I sighed and sat back down, clicking off my phone and closing my eyes. I ran a hand through my hair, trying to think of something that would get my mind off of Virgil.

Eventually, I sighed in defeat. There was only one thing I could think of, and maybe it wasn't the most fun idea, but it was something to do. I unlocked my phone and called my mother.

"Patton, why are you calling?" she asked, sounding frustrated.

"I just wanted to check in on things. How are the younger two?"

"They're fine. Now-"

"What about Andrew? Is he still being a problem? How is dad?"

"Patton, you should know how everything is. Your father is pissed off, the younger two won't stop fighting, and Andrew is probably out shooting up heroin again. What did you expect to hear?"

"Oh." I paused. "W-well, my friend Roman is my neighbor, Mom. He's in the dorm next to mine. And my roommate is pretty nice-"

"Patton, please," she said. I could imagine her pinching the bridge of her nose and gritting her teeth. "Do you have any academic updates?"

"No, not yet-"

"Then there was no reason to call. You're an adult now, you don't need to tell me all the details of your social life." And with that, she hung up.

I groaned and tossed my phone to the floor. I don't know what I expected. Why would my mom suddenly care about my life now that I was in college? I clearly hadn't thought that one through. I sighed and laid down on my bed, staring at the ceiling.

My thoughts drifted back to my roommate. I was really worried that he was mad at me. My mind went over everything I had done, searching for something that could've upset him. Was he possibly mad that I made him sing to Roman and I?

I facepalmed immediately. Of course he was upset about that! He has anxiety, and he said a ton of times that he was uncomfortable singing to us. But I still pushed him to. I essentially forced him to. I put him on the spot, and now he was mad at me.

The door swung open, tugging me from my thoughts. Virgil stuck his head into the dorm, looking around for a moment. He stepped inside, and that's when he saw me. He froze up and his face paled.

"Oh- uh, ya know, I just remembered I forgot something at class. I better go grab that." The purple haired boy immediately made a beeline for the exit. I stood up and chased after him without thought.

"Virgil, wait. I get that you're upset with me, but I wanna apologize."

He froze and stood still in the hallway, not looking back at me.

"...apologize? What on earth would you be-"

"It was wrong of me to force you to sing for Roman and I. I was excited by the idea of you being in the band, and I pushed you. I'm sorry. You have every right to be mad at me, but I just want you to know that I'm sorry."

Virgil turned around and looked at me with blank confusion on his face. "You... You think I'm mad at you?"

"W-well, yeah, I just- Are you not mad? Then why would you be avoiding me?" A thought occurred to me. "Wait... no, you're not mad at me, you just don't like me, right? I'm sorry- I shouldn't have just assumed you were mad, you're valid in not wanting to be around me, I mean, I'm not exactly the most interesting person, actually I'm quite annoying, and I can understand why you wouldn't- And now I'm rambling," I reeled.

Virgil's face cracked into a smile. "What? No, Pat, I- I didn't not want to spend time with you, I just..." His face dropped. I frowned.

"Here, come back to the room, and we can talk about this," I suggested. He nodded.

We went back to our room, and we sat on the floor just like we did that first night. Virgil took a deep breath and stared down at the ground.

"I'm not mad at you Pat, and I don't not want to spend time with you. Of course I do, I just... I dunno. I assumed you wouldn't want to see me again after that whole situation a few days ago," he said.

"What, your panic attack? You think I've never had one? It's fine Virgil, why wouldn't I-"

"Not that," Virgil said, eyes flicking up at me for a moment before immediately returning to the floor. "I lied to you."

"How?"

"I never told you that... That I'm trans."

I just stared at him in disbelief.

"Wait- That's why you were avoiding me? You were afraid I was mad that you were trans?"

"I mean, yeah... I never told you, I lied."

"Virgil," I said, moving to sit next to him and wrapping him up in a hug. "Of course I'm not upset about that. I'm so incredibly proud of you, that can't possibly have been easy for you... And you didn't lie, it was none of my business whether you were cis or not. That was completely up to you. If you didn't want to tell me, that's completely valid. I can understand wanting that privacy. Honestly. You're fine."

Virgil looked up, finally meeting my eyes. "...so you're really not upset? You're okay with having a trans roommate?"

"Of course! Why wouldn't I be? Cis or not, you're still you, and you're my friend. You're so, so valid."

Virgil wrapped me back up in a hug, this one tighter than before. "Thank you, Patton. That... I really needed to hear that. It means so much to me."

"Of course, Virgil."

And that was that. We went back to the way we were before, Virgil stopped ignoring me, and we were closer now than ever.

~~~~~~~~~~

Hey so yeah sorry I keep updating thing instead of my pjo book but like. I dunno
I'll try to update that one next lol