Escaping Anxiety

11- Answers

Logan's POV

I had just gotten back from aiding Thomas and explaining the cause of his most recent panic attack when there was a soft knock upon my door. I deduced it must be Virgil as Patton would have called out my name, Roman would have barged in and Carter was probably hiding somewhere to hear the conversation about to take place.

I opened my door to find the suspected side fidgeting with his fingers nervously and analyzing the floor beneath his feet. He hadn't yet realized I had opened the door so I coughed to get his attention. He jumped in surprise and smiled weakly. "Oh! Logan. I uh... wanted to talk to you... privately."

I opened my door wide and ushered him in before closing the door again. His hesitation made it clear this was a personal topic. He sat on the bed as I sat at my desk, a notebook and pen ready. "Whenever you're ready," I said trying Patton's method of 'patience and understanding.' Really not my thing.

"Right. Um," Virgil seemed lost. It was obvious he hadn't known where to start with his explanation and instead he tore the backpack from his shoulders which I had just noticed as he did so. He unzipped the bag and pulled out a black book, handing it to me cautiously. I recognized the missing book immediately and looked to him for answers. "I kinda stole this. I'm really sorry," he said once more staring at the ground and now rubbing his arm to calm himself.

This revelation did not come as a shock to me. I knew Virgil was somehow related to the break in from three weeks prior. The evidence was piled against him. His nervousness around us, in this house, and Remus asking him to steal something. "That's quite alright Virgil. I forgive you and thank you for returning this to it's proper location."

"There's more," he started as I began combing through the pages. The book was not the only thing stolen. So were some ingredients used in many of the potions that this book explained how to create. I had a list of the stolen ingredients and amounts but was not able to deduce what potion was being attempted with said ingredients without the book. Now back in my grasp I would know for sure. Virgil had stopped talking, watching me flip each page and read with immense speed. He knew I would find the answer on my own.

"A separation elixir?" I asked after concluding this was the best match to ingredients. But too little of some ingredients had been taken on account of not having enough in stock. All of the missing pieces began aligning as Virgil explained his tale.

"I'm sorry," he wailed. "I just couldn't take it anymore. I was hurting Thomas and I didn't want to but that's my j.j.job. I thought I could get rid of what made me represent anxiety and give it to someone else but I did something wrong." Virgil fell to the floor sobbing and having difficulty breathing. 

I knelt beside the disheveled child and tried to be comforting. "It's ok. But I need you to breathe, alright?" He nodded and I coaxed him through breathing in and out until he had calmed. "Now, tell me, what exactly happened when you drank the elixir?"

Virgil recounted that fateful night that his entire world changed. "Deceit barged into my room sensing something was wrong and I downed the entire thing in front of him. He tried to force me to throw up, but he didn't want to hurt me. Then this black tar like substance emerged from my side and split off me as I began shrinking into a child again." 

Logan nodded along as Virgil explained. The elixir had not been created completely and the split was not equal. There was no telling what other effects this had had. "I see. And what became of the tar that split off?"

Virgil rummaged through his backpack again and pulled out a mason jar with a jet black tarantula inside. I took the jar from him and studied the creature. It looked like any other shadow but I could tell this one was much more powerful. 

"That's my anxiety. And without my body it has no control. So as long as I don't let it overtake me it can't hurt anyone," he said trying to give a hopeful smile. But I had already realized what the consequences of the uneven split were and didn't fall for his fake smile.

"But without your aspect you will die?" He hung his head in response and I saw tears hit the wooden floor. I sat beside him on the bed and rubbed his back. That's what Patton would always do when Princey's ego was hurt so I gave it a try and to my surprise, it seemed to help.

"For a while everything was fine. Deceit actually enjoyed me being a child again and I had more confidence and a will to live without my anxiety. But then I got sick and my Deceit realized I would die without my aspect so he forced me to accept it. Whenever I refused he'd lock me in a room with it until I caved." Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he recalled previous events. "I don't know what to do. If I let it take control everyone will get hurt. But if I keep resisting its influence I'll die and that could be bad for Thomas too." Virgil brought up a valid point. Anxiety is present in all people and there's no telling the chaos that would ensue if a person were to lose it completely.

"I will fix this, Virgil. I promise. I promise you I will find a way to merge you and your aspect again without hurting anyone." I gave him a pat on the back, trying to lift his spirits to no avail. I needed Patton for this, but it could wait.

"I almost watched myself kill Dad," he sniffled. Anxiety took control and I was left to watch it's wrath. I could feel it too. It was so mad at Dad for some reason."

"That would make sense," I said, holding my chin in thought. "Patton's aspect is Morality. He sets high standards for how a person should behave and that can cause a person to excessively worry about their actions. Generally speaking Morality creates Anxiety."

Virgil analyzed my face and chuckled. "I guess he really is like my dad."

We sat there smiling in silence for some time before I had the courage to ask what had been on my mind a while. "How did you stop Anxiety?"

His attention was turned back to his fidgeting hands as he questioned it himself. "I don't know. I really didn't want to hurt Dad and kept yelling at Anxiety to stop. I imagined myself pushing him out and when that didn't work I channeled his shadow abilities and tried to uh... pierce my heart."

I cursed myself for not listening to Patton earlier when he had explained what happened. I told him he must have imagined what he saw, but now I had learned it was true.

"With my little control I ran as far away as I could and made it to a park where Dad later found me and told me I wasn't a bad person. Can you believe that, I almost kill him and he says I'm not a bad person?" he chuckled in disbelief.

"That wasn't you. Not completely. And when I get this fixed you won't ever need to worry about that again."