My Kind of Woman

15. The Inevitable, Painful Truth

"Giana, hey, don't cry, please. I'm so sorry, Gi." I tried, reaching with one hand for her arm, but she jerked her body back from me.

"Go fuck yourself." She spat, stepping back again.

She was going to run away, back up the thin road and all the way home. It was a hell of a run really. And I didn't want her to go just yet. I couldn't leave her crying, not over me.

I dropped my bike against the tarmac and moved towards her. I pulled her into my chest, trying to close my arms around her body and hold her. I wanted to soothe her. I thought that might make things better. But while I hugged her, she shoved my chest as hard as she could until I released her. I continued to reach for her though and every time she batted my arms away and yelled at me. I shushed her, I told her sorry as many times as I could and managed to hold her again. But that time she really hit me.

Her hand came up at my face - first at my chin making me bite the end of my tongue hard. I think she realised it felt good to release her anger so she hit me a second time for good measure. The second one was a slap and a scratch combined. The end of her fingers caught the wick of my mouth, nails tearing through my top lip in the corner, cutting halfway up to my nostril.

She looked a bit sorry after that one, but she didn't apologise. She took off up the road as fast as could and I let her go.

Sighing, I sunk to the curb. My tongue stung and my lip was weeping beads of coppery blood. I'd never felt more awful in my life. I'd never been more sure that I was an awful person. My coat had a few droplets of blood down its front where I'd allowed my wound to run. Then, I was sure that mine and Giana's relationship was unfixable. I'd cocked it for life.

Feeling that my mouth was salty, I spat into my cold palm and saw that my tongue was bleeding too. The thick red blob wobbled against my skin before I shook it off into the grass behind me. I was feeling sorry for myself then, I wanted a hug, I wanted shushing. I pulled my knees up to my chin and laid my head against them, letting my eyes get wet. I wouldn't cry, but I really wanted to. I started wishing for awful things like never meeting Giana or going back in time and ignoring Mio and just launching into a love where I was actually loved. It was hopeless.

Eventually, I got back on my bike and started to ride towards the house that made me feel warm.

Almost to soothe myself, I started thinking about the possibility of that trip with Jackie, and with Mio too. I thought hard about the beach, and that bathtub, and the french windows, and Mio knee-deep in clear waters. My body started to feel a lot less heavy then, and I pedalled harder. Beach, bathtub, french windows, Mio. Beach, bathtub, french windows, Mio.

My calves started to ache as I pushed on up the hill to Jackie's. My gums still tasted like blood, so did my lip when I licked it. The corner of my mouth was aching like Giana had punched me instead of slapping me. I had been a little surprised by the strength of her swing and the sharpness of her nails.

At the gate to the house, I rested my bike against the wall as usual and knocked at the door. I was starting to feel incredibly tired and depressed. I wondered if I'd even have the energy to spend time with Jackie. But once the door opened, those thoughts dissipated.

Mio was standing in the door in her long skirt and earthy coloured cardigan, hair tied back loosely. I watched her eyes scan worriedly over my busted face and saw her eyebrows knit together.

"Norah, you're bleeding!" Her gaze skipped from my bleeding mouth to my tired eyes. "Your lip... your chin. Come in now, come on."

Her hand touched my shoulder as she steered me inside and toward the kitchen. I hadn't even said a word yet! But I felt comfortable being silent and attended to. I wondered as we entered the kitchen whether she'd touch my lips - they were sore, but I felt I wanted her to. Something was happening to my head; I was in a daze. I felt like I could've fallen backwards and sunk into the floor as if it was foam.

Feeling a little like I was actually going to fall over, I leaned my lower back against the counter whilst Mio fished around in cupboards beside my head. I blinked slowly. I was thinking about her getting drunk again; I wondered how much she really remembered.

I continued to stare at her even as she came up close to my face with medical wipes in hand. She tore the packet between her nails and tugged out the white square. I realised then she was going to touch my lips. I wanted to smile, but my mouth ached.

"Tell me if it stings, okay?" She said gently, hand coming up close.

I said okay without moving my lips.

Gingerly, she pressed the wipe to where she thought the blood was sprouting from, glanced up into my eyes and then started to properly clean it away. The wick of my mouth was most definitely bruised then, I could feel the tight throb of it whenever Mio's hand brushed it. Her other hand was touching my jaw, holding my head faintly in place. Even with my sore lips, I wanted to turn into that hand and kiss that palm. But instead, I just gazed at her like an idiot.

She whispered, "what happened?"

"I had a disagreement." I whispered back.

Mio laughed softly, breath fanning my mouth. "I didn't think you were the fighting type."

I tried to smile. "I'm not."

Her eyes came up from my lips to my eye again, lingering just a little longer than before. My heart bounced in my chest, harshly, so harshly it almost hurt. What are you thinking? I gazed back. I wouldn't be the first to look away, and that wasn't me being stubborn.

"How much do you remember from last night?" I asked quietly. Who I was being quiet for, I didn't know. I didn't want to change the tone, I didn't want to make her look away from me.

"Bits." She said, then frowned. "I didn't do anything strange, did I?"

I shook my head. "Though, you said something I can't stop thinking about."

She looked a bit gaunt at that. "What was it?"

"That you wanted a woman as well."

She paused for a minute, then sighed and rubbed her brow irritably. More with herself than me though I thought. The medical wipe she'd been cleaning my lip with was stained dark red; she had it pinched between her nails. She was really thinking about what to say to me next. Probably whether to tell me the truth or lie. She silently walked over to the bin, tossed the wipe in and came back to me.

I ran my thumb over my top lip and winced. "You don't have to tell me the truth, you know?" I said. "I'll forget about it easily."

She smiled, but shook her head. "No, I want to tell you."

In my mind, it was like she'd asked for my hand in marriage. Telling me something so personal made my entire body throb with longing. To know I was trusted by her was a lovely feeling.

"When I was sixteen, I really liked a friend of mine. I joined all the same clubs and walked with her the same way home." She started, looking down at my knees as she spoke. "I knew straight away it wasn't the same as wanting to be best friends. There was a lot more to it. There was some unspoken thing between us, but she never talked about it. We kissed and all that stuff, but never said anything emotional. It was upsetting for young me. But it only got worse when my dad walked in on us kissing."

Though I wanted to say something, I stayed quiet and let her tell me more. My heart was racing.

"That's the real reason he hates me. I never spoke to her again. I was pulled out of school and transferred to another; my dad refused to talk to me for months. My mom started praying for me and wailing by my bedside at night." I watched Mio's jaw clench at the side of her face.

"That's awful, Mio." I whispered, feeling my heart sinking inside me. "I can't even imagine the rejection and you got through it... you're amazing."

"Amazing's a word." She laughed softly. "Love is hard to ask for when you're that age."

"And at this age? I hope you don't have to ask anymore." I said truthfully, knowing I'd tell her anything she wanted to hear for the rest of her life.

"I stopped asking a long time ago." She said with a sigh. And I couldn't tell whether it was in a good way or not.