I Was Never Loved

I Was Never Loved- chp 9

"I know; that's all you've been saying." He pointed out before simply leaving the doorway in favour of heading back to his own room.

I sighed, fully processing the current situation. Mom was drunk which meant that I would have to stay out of her sight and even her thoughts as much as possible. Sometimes when she was drunk she didn't need a reason to hurt me. On the other hand Matt would be able to get whatever he wanted today. He would have a field day and by now he knew to milk it.

Downstairs, the doorbell rang. The sound hardly registered in my mind. It was either one of Matt's germy friends or one of Mother's friends. This time there was no possible way it could be someone I knew because only Jayden knew my address and he wouldn't dare come back—not after finding out what happened the last time. I willed myself to remain in bed; there was no point getting the door. Whoever was downstairs had no interest in seeing me. I was never the one they wanted. The doorbell rang twice more. There was a long pause then another ring. In the back of my mind I knew they were waiting for me to answer it but as far as Mother knew I was asleep; there would be no consequence if I chose to leave it be. Instead, I thought of my dream, it was reason enough to not sleep for another week or so but there was something more. Jayden was there...he saved me...

The thought that my brain was slowly starting to compare him to a savior should have caused some worry—I couldn't afford to put my faith in him, or anyone else for that matter. It was only a dream; reality was nowhere near as kind. When it came right down to it, if that did happen I would be alone and I would get hurt. There would be no Jayden to swoop in and save the day, this was not a fairytale, it would not cater to a happy ending.

Within another minute I heard multiple footsteps running down the hall and by my door. As I thought; just Matt's germy friends. I heard Matt's room door open then slam shut. They would be in there for hours trying to uncover the mystery of girls and seeing who had the most facial hair. If I remembered correctly, the puny kid had a strand that was long enough to be plucked; that made him the winner.

I laid there in my bed listening without really listening to my iPod for what might have been an hour before I heard, vaguely, the sound of footsteps headed toward my room. As was customary, I stashed the iPod under my pillow then pretended to be staring off into space. As far as my mother and brother knew, that was all I did when I no longer had school work to complete. I had no phone, I couldn't text anyone. I didn't have a computer or a laptop and my only reading books were those I'd borrowed from the library. The television was downstairs and Mother and Matt got privilege there. It was a perfectly boring but fitting life for me by their standards and I made them none the wiser. "Hey dyke, what's Jayden's number?" His friends that stood behind him snickered as if they'd never heard the word before outside of the trashy shows they liked watching. "What?" Matt asked, turning to them having obviously missed the joke.

"Dude, you called your sister a 'dyke'."

"Yeah because she is one." Matt answered, failing to see the point they may have been trying to raise. What they failed to understand was just how normal this was in this house. I'd been called worse; this name did not bother me.

"That's hot." One of them said, looking me over. His friends snickered again and much to my disgust one proceeded to blow me kisses. Sometimes my life could be compared to that of an animal in the zoo. I was on display for taunting, scrutinizing, prodding, poking and anything else without the ability to return the favour in kind.

"That's disgusting you weirdo." I said barely able to keep down yesterday's lunch—there had been no dinner to keep down.

"Hey, watch how you're talking to Jake, Mom's still right down the hall, now give me Jayden's number, she said I could invite him over." He said, losing the little patience that he possessed. It couldn't be real. Mother actually said Jayden could come over? Well it figured, afterall she was drunk and it was her precious little angel who'd asked. I got up without protest and fished the small book that I had written his number in from my bag. There was no point in memorizing it; I would never be able to call him when I was at home and he was present at school. I dialed the number then handed the phone on my nightstand to Matt. He stood waiting for a minute.