The Secrets My Four Walls Keep

Nine

One month later...

"You gonna eat that, Rae?" Justin asked from his spot next to me in his chair by the pool. We were both laying out and had a bowl of grapes in between us that I had gotten for my snack but I was stuffed. "Na, I'm full. You can have them." I responded. As soon as I gave him permission, he started shoving grapes in his mouth like crazy. I watched him with curious eyes and laughed as he ate like he never had before in his life. "What? I'm high and I've got the munchies." He explained innocently, causing me to chuckle before I shook my head and rolled my eyes. I got up to get into the pool to cool off and he followed. "Who did you smoke with this time?" I asked playfully. I don't really care that he's high all the time, I just like to jokingly rib him about it because it gets on his nerves. "Ya baby daddy." He shot back with a smirk before reaching over and patting my growing bump playfully once we were both in the pool. I rolled my eyes with a huff. Monty can't keep this smoking nonstop thing up once the baby is born. We don't need to waste our money on stupid things like drugs and he doesn't need to be high all the time whenever dealing with his newborn baby either. I haven't talked to him about this yet though because I just don't feel comfortable doing so. Montgomery and I haven't fully gone back to normal yet and we haven't had sex again since that day at the beach house either. He's too busy getting in fights because of people starting shit with him after his secrets came out or fucking girls who don't care about what his mom used to do to him and/or his sexuality. He's even done some pretty raunchy stuff with these girls based on what I've overheard him talking to the guys about.  After everything he said to me that day at the beach house, I kind of thought that he was using them to distance himself from me some but I couldn't be for sure. Since he hasn't actually come out and said that to me himself, I don't want to fully assume that and get let down if it's not true. He did tell me he's in love with me still though that day, so that's got to mean something... right? "Party's here!" Jessica yelled as she walked through our back gate knocked me out of my thoughts. The rest of our friends were behind her so I turned to Justin confused. "Maybe I was bored and texted everyone to come smoke and drink with me all night since it's Saturday night?" He said as innocently as he could with a giant shrug of his shoulders and an "I'm sorry" look on his face. "Oh yeah? And what am I supposed to do, Justin?" I snapped, causing him to look down guiltily. "Wait, babe, you didn't tell her we were coming?" Jessica scolded him. "I was going to but I just... forgot." He admitted the end sheepishly, causing me to scoff and roll my eyes. "Forget it, it's fine. I'm just gonna go watch Netflix movies inside. I've tanned enough today anyways." I said while climbing out of the pool. I was being honest. I really had been tanning all day and was dark as fuck because I had kept up with my tan ever since the beach. I was also burnt though and my doctor had told me to be careful with that while pregnant. "Yeah, you're burnt and you're not supposed to be." Monty spoke up from his spot with a mouth full of pizza out of one of the many boxes they had all brought with them. "And that's why I'm going inside." I responded to him kind of harshly. I didn't mean to, I just didn't like that he called me out like that in front of everyone. I started to walk off but he jumped in front of me and put his hands up to stop me. Everyone else started cracking alcohol open and grabbing pizza as they sat down everywhere. "Don't go inside yet. Sit down and eat with everyone and then I'll go inside with you." He said. I softly smiled at him, my mood towards him switching instantly. I shook my head before responding. "Stay out here and have fun, Mon. It's fine, I promise. I'm pretty tired anyways." I said softly but he shook his head with a smile before reaching out and playing with a piece of my hair. "I'm staying with you tonight..." He said with a soft smile while still playing my hair. Whenever I didn't answer right away, he spoke up again. "As long as that's okay with you, I mean." He rushed out, causing me to laugh. "Of course that's fine. I just don't want you to feel like you have to be boring with me whenever you can have fun." I explained. He shook his head with a smile before responding. "I have fun with you. Just chilling and watching Netflix with you is what I wanna do. That's the whole reason I came over." He said with a shrug of his shoulders. My belly fluttered at his words. Well, actually it was the baby kicking, but still. We stood in silence for a minute until he seemed like he remembered something and walked over to his bag on the table. "I got you something." He grinned before pulling out a can of Sprite Zero, a big bag of pizza flavored combos, and a snickers bar. Those are my three constant cravings at the moment. "Aw, Monty, you didn't have to get me anything. Thank you." I grinned before lightly kissing his cheek and then taking the items out of his hand. He smiled to himself proudly and I laughed before walking off and taking a seat with everyone else. He followed behind me a second later but since all of the seats were taken, he just stood behind my chair and reached over me to grab himself another slice of pizza. "Dude, instead of standing, why don't you just have Rae sit in your lap like we're doing?" Scott chuckled while motioning to himself and Sherri and Bryce and Chloe. I looked down with a blush but before I knew it, Monty was pulling me up, arranging himself in the seat, and then pulling me back down into his lap. "Good idea. That's much better." "Exactly." Montgomery and Scott said back and forth. For some reason, I'm the only one who gets bothered about things like this. It doesn't seem to even phase anyone else at all whenever Monty and I are close but it bothers me because I'm worried about it bothering them... specifically Scott. Which is really strange because like I said, none of them care and Scott actually encourages it. I just can't seem to get over that feeling though. I was sitting straight up uncomfortably until Monty wrapped his arm around my belly, forcing me to ease up some and lean back. Once again, no one but me seemed phased by his actions and our closeness. Everyone around me talked in casual conversation while I sat there watching them all, paranoid that they were going to feel uncomfortable suddenly by me sitting in Monty's lap and him subconsciously rubbing my belly. The more he rubbed and the more I drank my sprite and ate my candy car, the more sugar went to the baby.. which then made her start moving around. I had never let Montgomery feel her moving around before so once he felt her wiggle under his hand, it shocked him. "Holy shit!" He jumped excitedly while yanking his hand back, knocking me around in the process. "What the fuck is your problem, brother?" Bryce asked while laughing, everyone else doing the same.. including me. "I just felt my daughter move for the first time." Monty grinned with such child like excitement, I couldn't help but to feel emotional but in a good way. Everyone softly smiled at him as he placed his hand back on my belly and watched with a bewildered face the more she kicked his hand. "Why have you never let me feel this before? It's cool as fuck." He asked me with a chuckle. I shrugged my shoulders with a laugh before responding. "I didn't think you would care that much." I said. I was being light hearted but hurt flashed through his eyes. I was confused. He cleared his throat and looked down while still gently rubbing my belly one last time before carefully standing up, causing me to have to do the same. "I um.. I've gotta take a piss." He mumbled before walking off, the happiness gone from his face. I stood in place for a minute while watching him walk inside but sat down once he shut the door behind him. I grabbed my combos after a few minutes and was chewing whenever I looked up and noticed everyone staring at me. "What?" I asked confused, subconsciously wiping my face in case I had food on it. "You're not gonna go check on him?" Jessica asked like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I turned around towards the door and he wasn't there. "Why would I? Nothing happened." I asked while crinkling my eyebrows together in confusion. They all sarcastically chuckled and rolled their eyes. "His feelings are hurt, Raelynn. You hurt his feelings." "I didn't do anything." I defended myself to Justin immediately. "Can I be straight up with you without you getting offended?" Zach asked with his arm draped over Hannah's shoulders. I actually really prefer her with him over Clay, they fit better together. I nodded but my heart was racing with nerves. "I understand why you didn't tell Monty that you're pregnant for awhile but at the same time, whenever you chose to do that, you also chose to take something away from him at the same time. You chose to not let him be involved in any of the beginning stages. He never knew you thought you were pregnant, you didn't include him whenever you took the test, didn't include him whenever you were going to the doctor, and then because you waited so long to tell him, he didn't get to be a part of your first trimester or finding out the gender or anything either. But he accepted that, he forgave you for that and has just jumped in where he was able to. But now, you're still pretty closed off with him about your pregnancy and don't include him in much. I think him finding out that you've never included him in feeling the baby kick already hurt his feelings but you really hurt his feelings whenever you said that you didn't think he would care about it. He does care..." "He really fucking cares, Rae. He cares so much more than you realize." Scott jumped in, interrupting Zach in the process. I looked back and forth between them until tears welled up in my eyes. Dammit. I hate being pregnant and hormonal. I used to never cry about anything ever and now every little thing makes me cry. "I didn't mean it like that though." I whispered while wiping stray tears off of my cheek. "I'm sure you didn't mean it in a hurtful way but that's how he took it so you've gotta make it right." Hannah spoke up for the first time. I looked around at all of them before speaking. "Does everyone agree?" I whispered. They all looked at me sympathetically but did nod their heads. I started crying again. I didn't say another word to anyone, I just got up and walked off to make amends with Monty. Once I got into my house, I couldn't find him anywhere. After searching downstairs, I made my way up the staircase slowly.  I timidly walked into my room, tears still streaming down my face. As soon as I walked in, I saw him laying on my bed while staring at the ceiling. I gently shut the door and the noise caused him to look in my direction. I walked through my room and he watched my every move. I changed into a tank top and my old cheer shorts before turning back towards him. I was still crying and I used the back of my hand to wipe my tears away. He lightly rolled his eyes with a sigh  before patting the spot in my bed next to him. I climbed into it quickly and hugged him tight, which caused him to chuckle. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it the way that you took it. I feel so bad..." "It's okay, Rae. I know you didn't. I'm just.. I'm sensitive when it comes to this whole situation because I missed out in the beginning since you didn't tell me. I just.. it really bothers me sometimes that I'm not as involved as I would like to be." He interrupted me. I stared at him for a moment before responding. "But why?" I asked and his whole face paled instantly. I'd never seen him look so scared before and it totally confused me. My eyebrows crinkled together in confusion and I sat up in the bed to look at him. His eyes were filled with fear, he was slightly shaking, and as I placed my hand on his chest, I felt his heart racing. "Montgomery? What is it?" I asked timidly. He stared at me for a few minutes until he gulped. "Monty?" I questioned again.  He finally sat straight up across from me and started to scratch the back of his head. Once we made eye contact, I noticed that he was crying. Not just tearing up... full blown crying. Almost as bad as he was whenever his secrets were outed to the whole school. Now I was shaking too because he was scaring me. "Montgomery, please." I begged while reaching over and grabbing his shaky hands. "I did it on purpose." He suddenly blurted out. Now I was really confused. What the hell was he talking about? He couldn't possibly be talking about what I think he's talking about. "Did what on purpose?" I asked in a shaky whisper. "Got you pregnant." He responded the same way that I did. My heart started to race, I felt like I was going to throw up, and I snatched my hands away from his. "You're lying." I growled, tears falling from my eyes again. He shook his head and bit his lip as he cried so much, it looked like waterfalls were coming out of his eyes. "I wish I was." He whispered. I jumped up from my bed and stood in front of him now, rage coursing through my veins. "Why?!" I screamed. "It was a stupid drunk decision. Just once. The night..." "The night of the god damn threesome. I'd already figured that out." I interrupted him in a very harsh tone. That's the night that he "accidentally" came in me "some". He told me the next day that he was drunk and forgot that he didn't have a condom on anymore after Winston and started to cum in me and then realized it, pulled out, and finished the rest out of me. We both agreed it would probably be fine and didn't even bother to get a plan B like we should've. Now I'm finding out that it was on purpose. "I deserve a better fucking reason than that!" I screamed whenever he didn't respond as quickly as I wanted him to. He put up his hands to calm me but I smacked them back down. "I-I.. I was drunk and high and you and I had that big fight after I fucked Winston where you tried to leave me because you thought I was lying about it only being experimentation and you thought I-I had feelings for him. You.. you told me to p-prove to you that I loved you more.. that I.. that I w-wanted you forever. The thought had already crossed my mind before.. what if.. what if I h-had a baby? Would it help with my depression? Would it help me feel better about my fucked up l-life? Would that make a girl, more specifically you, love me despite the fucked up shit my.. my m-mom did to me and despite the fact that I was experimenting with fucking a guy to get over the shit my mom did? So my drunk mind convinced me that's what I needed to do. In order to prove to you that I loved you.. I.. I had to get you pregnant. So I did it. I purposely came in you.. all of it. Then the next morning I realized what I did and regretted it. But I.. I got you p-pregnant on purpose at the end of the d-day" He finished, stuttering and sobbing throughout his whole explanation. I stared at him in shock and I could feel the tears running down my face at a fast pace. I couldn't lie, my heart did ache for him that his head is so fucked up from his life that it made him think that he had to get me pregnant in order for me to love and accept him. But at the end of the day, that doesn't excuse what he did. He got me pregnant at 17 on purpose. He got me pregnant knowing what it would do to me. He got me pregnant knowing that it would force me to be honest and leave Scott. What he did was so unacceptably stupid and selfish. It was disgusting, whether he was drunk and upset or not. "How could you do this to me?!" I screamed so loud, it caused everyone in the back to shut their music off because they heard me. "Fuck you, Montgomery!" I screamed equally as loud. "I hate you! I fucking hate you!" I screamed even louder this time. "You ruined my god damn life, mother fucker!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. My whole body was shaking and I knew that my face had to be bright red with anger from how hot it felt. "I hate you so fucking much!" I screamed before falling to my knees crying. I felt betrayed. I felt lied to. I felt used in some way. I felt like the past few months had been a lie. But for some reason.. for the first time in the whole year that we'd been together, I realized exactly how much Monty loves me. He loves me so much it caused him to do something completely irrational like getting me pregnant at 17 out of fear of losing me. It doesn't make it okay though, it just doesn't. I sobbed uncontrollably on the floor with my face in my hands until Montgomery fell to his knees in front of me and wrapped me up in his arms tighter than ever. "No! Fuck you! Get the hell away from me!" I screamed at the top of my lungs while trying to fight him off of me. He fought back, which prevented me from getting away from him. "Please stop, baby. You're gonna hurt the..." "The baby that you forced on me!" I interrupted him in a yell. We were both sobbing and physically fighting each other on the floor whenever my bedroom door busted open. "What the actual fuck is going on in here?" Scott's voice rang through my ears. I peeked over Monty's shoulder as I was fighting him and he was literally begging me to stop and saw everyone standing in my doorway. It was packed. I assumed they heard my screaming and the girls came up for me and the guys came up for him. "None of your business!" I yelled while still trying to fight Monty. "Okay, this is fucking insane. Stop Raelynn." Justin said while pushing past everyone to come and control me. "Fuck you, Justin! You don't know what he did to me!" I screamed at my cousin through tears while still trying to bust out of Montgomery's grip. "Did you fucking hurt my cousin? Did you fucking hit her, asshole?" Justin snapped while coming up on Monty. "What? Of course not!" Monty defending himself through grunts because he was having to fight so hard to control me. "You ruined my fucking life! I hate you! I want you fucking dead!" I screamed before breaking an arm out of his grasp and punching him as hard as I could in the face. Everyone gasped and Justin immediately yanked me up while Scott and Bryce grabbed Monty, scared that he was gonna lose his cool and hit me back. "I'm not gonna fucking touch her." He growled at them before fighting his way out of their grasp. He wiped his nose and there was blood, there was also blood coming out of his lip too. I somehow got him good with my tiny little hands. "You really want me dead because I made a fucking mistake?" He spat at me but he was still crying and I saw the pure hurt in his eyes. "Your mistake cost me my entire life, fucker! You're dead to me!" I screamed from Justin's arms. "I already was basically dead to you anyways, bitch!" He yelled before storming out. Everyone stood there in shock for a second until Jessica spoke up. "What the fuck happened? What did he do to make you this mad?" She asked in an exasperated tone. I got out of Justin's grasp and looked around at everyone with fiery eyes before answering. "He ruined my life on purpose. He fucking trapped me." I growled, causing everyone's faces to contort into confusion. They had no idea what I was talking about because no one could picture Montgomery of all people getting me pregnant on purpose. I spun around and stormed off into the bathroom, slamming the door as hard as I could in the process. I locked it behind me and then started screaming at the top of my lungs. I had to get it all out. I saw myself in the mirror and as soon as I saw my bump, I became even angrier. I love my baby but I didn't want this. Not now. Not at 17. Not under these circumstances. Before I knew it, I reared pack and punched my reflection in the mirror. It immediately shattered and my hand started to throb. "Raelynn!" I heard Justin yell out to me in a panic after hearing my mirror shatter. Someone was trying to yank the door open but since I locked it, they couldn't get in. "Someone's gotta get in there. She's fucking losing it." I heard Scott say to everyone. As my hand throbbed, I looked down and saw blood everywhere. It was dripping quickly and heavily out of my hand. It was all over my hand, rolling onto my arm, and covering the floor. "Shit." I whispered to myself. I went too far. "Rae, it's Jess. Please let me in." Jessica pleaded with me through the door. I didn't want her right now though, which was odd because she's my best friend and I always feel better with her. I didn't want Justin either. I didn't want any of the girls or guys. Honestly, in some sick twisted way, I only wanted Montgomery. He's probably long gone though after everything I did and said. So I was gonna have to settle for the next best thing. I placed my good hand on the doorknob before speaking. "Scott can come in." I mumbled, which I'm sure shocked everyone. "Raelynn.." "I said Scott can come in." I interrupted Hannah in a snappy tone. "Why would she let me in and not y'all?" I heard Scott whisper to them in confusion. "There's gotta be some reason why. That's strange." Chloe whispered next. "Just go in, Scotty. She needs to talk to someone bad and she's gonna let you in so do it. You're good at calming people down." Sherri spoke up. I softly smiled to myself because she's such a sweet person and has proven to be a good friend too over the past month or so that I've become closer to the girls outside of Jessica. "Because Monty's gone." I heard Bryce say to them after a minute of silence. I silently chuckled to myself about the fact that Bryce was the only one smart enough to figure that out. "What do you..." "She wants Monty but he's not here, so she'll take Scott. Second choice." Bryce whispered as quietly as he could so that I wouldn't hear but I still did. I was in a lot of pain and was starting to feel woozy. I looked at my hand again and the bleeding hadn't let up. "I'm hurt." I mumbled through the door and they silenced. "How bad?" Justin asked. "I think pretty bad." I responded quietly. It was silent for a couple of minutes until Scott spoke up. "I've been her second choice for awhile so fuck it. I'm going in." He said to them before lightly tapping on the door. I unlocked it and then opened it just enough for him to come in. I locked it back as soon as he was inside. He stood in front of me for a second until looking down at my hand. I was sitting on the floor with my head rested up against the side of the wall because of how sick and exhausted I was starting to feel. As soon as he saw my hand, the blood all over it, and the blood covering the floor, his eyes widened. "Holy fuck, Rae. There's blood everywhere." He gasped. "Blood? Is everything okay?" They all panicked. I looked at Scott with pleading eyes before speaking. "Make them go away." I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks. He stared at me for a second before lightly nodding. "Will y'all go downstairs for a few minutes to give us some privacy? Someone should also try to check on Monty." He called out to them through the door. "I'll see if I can find him." Bryce said and then I heard his footsteps walking off. "We'll be right downstairs if you need us." Jessica spoke up next. "I'm here when you're ready to talk, Rae." Justin was the last to speak before I heard everyone leave. Scott and I sat there in silence staring at each other for a couple of minutes before he finally grabbed a wash cloth out of the bathroom closet and wrapped up my hand. "I think we need to go to the hospital." He said as he was examining my hand and wrapping it up. It did look really bad. One of the spots was so sliced open, you could kind of see my bone. And oh god the pain. "I know." I whispered with a slight nod of my head. Nothing else was said, he just got up and then helped me up after him before leading me out of the bathroom. He grabbed my purse and pulled me out of my room by my good hand before making our way downstairs. "We're going to the hospital. Her hand is fucked up bad." He said to everyone once we made our way into the living room. They all nodded but we were out the door before any of them could respond. Once we were getting into his car, I noticed that Bryce's car was gone as well as Montgomery's. I figured that Bryce had gone to find him. I hope he's okay. I sat in Scott's car wordlessly and as we drove down the road and made our way to the hospital, he never once pried or tried to find out what happened. And for that, I was so thankful that I had picked Scott instead of anyone else to come in and help me.