𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐥𝐞

why did you smile?

I know you don't care
and you don't know me,
but I still have to wonder,
did you ever care?
did you ever look at me and
think of how beautiful I was?
did you ever want to grab my
hand and just tell me that
everything you were was just
a facade to cover something deeper?
did you ever want to watch me
when I stalled in an aisle,
touching the spines of those wiser than
either of us?
I know what you'll say,
and I know it'll hurt so I run away
rather than ask any of it.
I wanted you to care, but you just didn't.
and maybe I'm driving myself
crazy by being locked away from you
in a house that should be a home
but resembles so little of that the longer
I sit on a bed in a room trying to remember
every word you've ever said.
I want to know,
why did you smile when you saw me?
not just once, but always.
why did you smile when
I tapped your shoulder?
why did you smile when
I sat down next to you?
why did you smile when
I talked to you?
if you so deeply do not
take fondness towards me,
why did you smile?

written: march 30th, 2020