𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐥𝐞

could've

the lights reflect off of
the glassy pool of water
as I began to dive into
it, immersing myself in
the memories in which I am
held captive.
they are usually a blended
mess of territory that
has not been walked since it
was created.
but tonight, it lives.
a passion fruit crimson
stains pages as it opens to
a chapter even I had
forgotten existed.
there are snapshots
of things I wanted to memorize
and never lose to time.
flowers pressed against pages
and penmanship that details
ever single image.
"the day I fell in love"
one photo was captioned.
I glanced to it and gasped,
tears coming to my eyes.
there you are, so perfectly
memorized in my mind.
not a ginger hair is out of place,
and your big brown eyes
are unclouded.
you're smiling in this frame,
like I've always seen you.
next there you are sitting in
our history class,
unamused and unbothered.
"the day you talked to me
like it was magic"
I can remember that walk in
the hallway.
you were standing near the window
and it was raining outside.
you looked at me and pointed
to the dewy drops falling outside,
"I love the rain."
I remember being so confused by
you. If you love rain so much,
why did you live where it rained
only twice a year?
Then came the next photo
"Happy Valentine's Day"
read the caption.
you were sitting behind
the elementary school sign.
you had a smile across your face
when I sat down next to you.
I can't remember our conversation,
all I remember is laughing
at every joke you made.
then I went to get into my car and
you said
"Happy Valentine's Day, Reagan."
I will never forget even for a second
just how happy that made me.
I could see your red cheeks
blossom a darker shade,
and that image never faded.
No amount of time could
erase it.
Two photos were left.
I grabbed one and read the
caption carefully,
"You chose me every time"
Science class. 5th period
in the second hallway, the fourth
door on the right.
you sat two rows in front of me.
but whenever we got to choose
lab partners, you always
chose me. every time.
and I remember cleaning test tubes
and beakers with you and
laughing when you splashed water
at me when we had to wear aprons.
I remember you so clearly
it's like you never really left.
but then I pulled out the last photo.
"You left without a goodbye"
I can still remember when
you left without a goodbye.
I knew you were leaving,
and I'd prepared a goodbye.
But you were already
on a plane by then.
and I remember the
brokenness of walking down
that hill by myself,
not a single piece of happiness
left within me.
you didn't know it then
and you don't know it now,
but I fell in love with you.
it was like something out of
a romance novel that I couldn't
fathom yet.
I know I couldn't have changed much
of anything, but I hated
losing you when I'd just found you.
the funny, ginger haired boy who
might've actually loved me for me.

written: january 8th, 2020