Like The Doves...

It's Not Worth It...

Gwen took the abortion to the heart. She was so ready to be a Mom but then the woman had an abortion. Later on a week after she was pregnant again. And she had another abortion that following month.

But Gwen was so hurt by it, she began to do things that she would never do. I didn't want this Gwen I wanted my old baby.

As I prepared dinner plates Gwen came down, she didn't eat. Instead she sat there holding the baby clothes to her body. I rubbed my arms and watched as she rocked in the chair. I bit my lip and began to slowly eat,

" Gwen...," she didn't answer me. But the steadiness of her rocking continued. I sniffed and as she kept rocking I stood up and moved closer to her.

" Gwen, everything's okay... We'll have us a family one day.," I said. Then kissed her head and left the kitchen.

Two months later, Gwen locked herself in the bath room one night as I went to go check on her. I opened the door and walked in. She lay up against the toilet moaning. I grabbed her arm and picked her up.

She stared at me and moaned, a pill bottle rolled from under her towel. I picked it up and as I examined it I grabbed the pill. She had been taking Tylenol for a while. The bottle was half way gone.

I looked at her she was half asleep. I drug her body up to the bedroom. She laid in bed and cried softly. I rubbed my arm and stared at her. And shook my head.

Two more months went by Gwen was doing more pills. I caught her in the bedroom passed out on the bed. I had rushed her to the hospital. She laid under the covers. The doctor said she would be alright.

She was no where close to death but she needed to stop before it became a habit. I made sure to lock the pills away every night.

This time, three more months passed. I became sick, very sick the doctors put me on bed or I would get hurt. So I stayed in bed. For a week but Gwen was quiet, to quiet for me. So I went to search for her.

I held the robe close to my body and opened the bathroom door. My eyes grew wide and my heart ached and I began to scream.

The ambulance had arrived. I couldn't wipe the image from my head. The way Gwen lay on the floor of the tub. The showers were running. I cried and wiped my tears. They lifted Gwen up on the stretchers.

I could see her wrist were bloody and the bathroom smelled sick. As if she had been doing illegal things with illegal stuff.

As we got to the ER, I limped toward the room they pulled her into. I fell down and gasped hard. Crying.

" GWEN! GWEN!!," I cried and shook my head.

A hour later, they helped me into the room. Gwen lay on the bed hooked up to a machine. I rushed up to her. She slowly opened her eyes. I cried.

" They told me... You were close to OD'ing...," I said. She looked up at me.

" Gwen nun of this stuff was even worth it... I don't even know what's the deal with you... I'm trying to let you know! We can have a family.," she shook her head and grabbed my hair. I kissed her lips softly.

Gwen looked at me.

" I'm sorry I got you into all of this baby...," I nod and sighed.

She held me close in her arms. I kissed her lips and