When Fear Takes Hold

Cold and Lonely

Feliks shuffles down the stairs of the quarantine knowing that he would have a greater chance of running into someone if he took the elevator. He didn't plan to be out for long, but he was having a good day with a low fever and is going to take this chance to visit Toris. Only, he didn't tell the nurses.

He passes through the common room, busy with people, but people that were like him and didn't give him much mind, and into the kitchen. This isn't where their food is prepared, but rather where it is stored for anyone to come and help themselves.

He finds a tray of cupcakes and smiles to himself. They had been here for a while now and Feliks was unable to properly celebrate Toris's birthday. The least he could do was bring him something. He chooses a vanilla one, knowing how Toris prefers simple flavors and make his way back upstairs.

Walking down the hall he weaves past medical machinery and nurses too focused on tasks to pay him much attention. He reaches a door with a checklist hung beside it that was split down the middle giving two names. Beneath the names were recorded check up times and small notes about each visit. Feliks tries not to read them, fearing the information they hold.

Toris shares one of the larger rooms with Raivis, although it wasn't always like this. Raivis had been prone to devastating night terrors that would keep him awake all hours of the night. In turn, the lack of sleep was making his now human body sicker. The nurses had trouble calming him and figured that it would help if he awoke to a familiar face. Although this didn't stop the night terrors, Raivis has an easier time falling back asleep knowing Toris is there. It seemed to be helping him some.

Feliks knows Toris doesn't mind sharing a room, but couldn't help but feel a little annoyed for him. He probably doesn't get a choice, and it was decided for him that he would sacrifice his privacy as well as a good night's rest. Feliks can imagine it being difficult to sleep with terrified shrieks coming from the bed next to you.

Maybe he is jealous because he is lonely from spending the long, painful days by himself in his room. Or it could be that he wants to be the one to share a room with Toris.

Just as he is about to push open the door, the red light that every room has positioned above the entry flashes, and an alarm sounds. Doctors and nurses rush past him and into the room, once again ignoring him. Feliks peers in to see them flocking around the bed furthest from the door. On the other bed sits Raivis, explaining with a panicked voice what had happened to Toris.

"He'll be alright," a voice comes from behind Feliks, startling him. He turns to see Eduard had emerged from his room about three doors down. It was odd seeing him without his glasses. He looks weak and tired, leaning on his IV stand for support. He must have come out to investigate the commotion.

Feliks glances back into the room and then down at the cupcake, his heart sinking.

"Yeah," he takes one step into the room and places the cupcake on a small table next to the door. He doesn't look in the direction of Toris's bed and ignores what the doctors and nurses are saying. His eyes did, however, meet Raivis's. The boy gives him an apologetic look.

Feliks flashes him a comforting smile but nothing more. He couldn't bring himself to stay any longer.

"I'll just leave this here."

____________________________

Kiku feels a warmth, something familiar, but in a way that saddens him.

I open my eyes and am consumed with pain. My whole body hurts, inside and out. I have a strange feeling I'm not in Nagasaki anymore. America had warned me, I knew this would happen.

Yet, through the pain, I feel a warmth in my hand. I let my head fall to the side and see China, ...no, Yao asleep with his head resting on the side of my mattress and his hand in mine. He is thin and sickly looking; bandages covering his body's many wounds.

I know where those wounds are from.

Upon sensing my gaze, Yao opens his eyes and smiles, genuine and kind.

"It's over?" is all I can manage. There is a burning in my lungs and heart. He simply nods, smile falling away.

Despite everything in me trying to control me, as it had for the past six years almost, I finally break. Hot tears run down my face and I curse in frustration.

"All for nothing... all of those lives." My face burns, and still, Yao says nothing. "This wasn't supposed to happen. There is no such thing as surrender." Those words aren't human. I speak for Japan. I am Japan, all of it. Every single one of my people and every action they take. It had never dawned on me the exact reality of who I am; what I am.

"This is shameful." It is true. Everything about what had happened brought me shame. And now I weep in front of the one I hurt most, while he holds strong for my sake; his hand warm, and his eyes kind.

Kiku finds himself staring into those kind eyes once again.

For so long, Japan hadn't felt the need to rely on anyone. He had friends, sure, but Kiku had found himself trapped in a state of coldness, not feeling much of anything for anyone. He had never payed it much mind until now.

Here in this cold place, he clings desperately to the warmth of Yao's hand.