Perpetual Existence

Fractured

The millisecond I enter into the new loop, my foot is poised to step on the bottom stair, every inch of my mind consumed by the Bella Swan. Filled with every interaction we've had in the last seventeen loops, sixteen of which I've killed her. If she remembers everything, then why hasn't she run screaming the moment she sees me? It makes no sense. Who would willingly take the same path knowing they're going to die at the end? Walk toward their killer instead of run?

I need answers, and I will not find it on the stairs as my family gapes at my "spacing out," as Jasper so eloquently states in his mind.

"I'm fine," I say by way of avoiding questions, heading back upstairs to my room. I toss away journals, then think twice and put them all away. I continue tidying up, though I'm certainly not entertaining the idea of bringing the girl here.

Bella Swan. I need to remember to use her name, even in my thoughts. The monster inside me sees her as nothing but a means to an end, the quench to his thirst, her blood ambrosia on my tongue, soothing as much as it is fulfilling.

I resist the urge to dive out of my window and run to her house.

What is she doing at this moment? It's obvious she is awake if I am here, in yet another loop. Does she sit in her tiny little bed in her gray cut-offs and cotton white camisole? Is she awaiting me, knowing the temptation is still too much for me? Even now, in my own home, my body reacts to the memory of her sitting in her bed in the previous loop. The same loop I kissed and then killed her.

Our first kiss.

The memories of her soft skin are a siren's song, my fingers and lips tingling with the need to touch her again. My thirst is momentarily banked until I think of it. A no-win situation, but the fact remains if my desire for her physically can overpower the bloodlust, then perhaps there will be an end to all of this madness.

Only after killing her a hundred times—at least, the monster reminds my human side.

I close my eyes, willing away the twin desires to find what I need. The item I seek is under the cushion of my leather chaise, and I switch it on to find it working perfectly. At my desk, littered with failed attempts at composing, is a charger for a Blackberry.

Alice slips into my room, not saying a word. She's curious by nature, hating when she's caught unaware. It happens too rarely, and at the moment, she can't see my future. Once again proving I can change things, as can Bella.

Is her acceptance of her inevitable death another tactic to change what happens? If only I could read her mind! It's infuriating to need her thoughts the most, but they are silent to me. The human side of me is fascinated by her ability to block my intrusion. The monster is only grateful not to hear her thoughts as she dies.

Curious, considering the monster during my rebellious period enjoyed that perk. I roll my eyes at how my mind seems fractured into separate personalities. The human side of me that values Bella's life. The hormonal teenager awaiting another glimpse of the tempting beauty. Finally, the monster that craves her blood.

I shake my head, too lost and losing precious time. While most would see reliving a day over and over again as an endless space of time, I do not want to hurt Bella perpetually. It is cruel, enough for the monster inside me to quiet, to lessen the burn in my throat.

It sparks a glimmer of hope inside me.

I slip the second phone in my pocket, along with the charger, trying to find the easiest way to give it to Bella without being in her presence.

Alice clears her throat as I turn toward her. "Do you need my help?"

I smirk, shaking my head. She may not know what's happening, but she's determined to help me in any way. I hand her the Blackberry and charger, pull my own out of my other pocket. I send my second phone a message, which Alice reads, her brow furrowing. It is best that this remains between us, hurting my family is something I do not enjoy.

"Okay." She shrugs, not asking questions, for now. She thinks she'll have a chance to ask tomorrow.

Not unless I get my bloodlust under control.

Despite my desire to ensure Bella survives, it will not be during this loop.

.

.

.

Bella's first text message arrives thirty minutes after the first school bell rings.

This is an interesting turn of events.

I smile at her words, realizing something new. She has no idea I remember, too. The conversation in her bedroom the loop before makes more sense now. This makes more questions arise.

Hello, I'm Edward Cullen.

Again, I find myself smiling, the insipid greeting as ridiculous as I've imagined.

I am Isabella Marie Swan. You killed...

I sigh as I read her words, alerting the teacher I'm not paying attention, and he asks me a question. The answer is easily pulled from his mind and I fire it off with a little more eloquence. His grumble as he nods is amusing enough, to earn another smile from me. Having the ability to read minds has a few perks.

I type a response to Bella.

You remember that?

I listen for her familiar heartbeat, amused to hear her huff.

Mostly bits and pieces, though I remember more in every loop.

The humor is gone, my eyes closing as some answers become clearer. Another text follows seconds later.

I didn't know it was you or what you were until PA.

PA? Port Angeles, the disturbing events make a growl slip through my lips unbidden.

Why then do you talk to me? I type out and send the message before I can change my mind. She should stay away from me.

It's not until seconds before class ends she replies. Maybe if you get to know me, you will no longer wish to kill me. Then again, I am rather boring...

I head to my locker, something I seldom use. However, Bella's own locker is at the end of the hall, well away from mine. At least two dozen students keep me rooted to the spot, as her eyes, dark and mysterious, look up to meet mine. I do not wish to kill them, though the monster disagrees with me.

Without glancing at my phone, I send her another text.

You are far from boring.

I watch as she looks down at the Blackberry I had Alice deliver, her lips pursing slightly as she blushes. Her eyes snap back to mine, her hand lifting to touch her reddening cheek. "Sorry, I can't help it," she whispers, knowing I can hear anyway.

I nod and turn away from her—wishing things were different. Wishing I was human so I could go to her and touch that inviting warmth with my fingertips.

For the moment, my thirst is not in control.

You walked away. Her text makes my steps falter, my eyes closing as I fight the monster.

I send her another text. For now.

Needing fresh air and distance between the delectable Bella Swan and me, I head outside as fast as humanly possible. 

AN: I apologize for the delay, I no internet issues, can only post when I'm at a cafe. Anyway, I'll post one more today for this story. Thanks for reading.