INFP

Cannot Be Myself

Warning : there are things mentioned here which are unconventional, uncomforting and depressing. Not a motivating part so if you are depressed then please skip this part.

There are some moments in life where I can't be truly honest or be myself. I know neglecting your true self is bad especially in order to fit in. But sometimes one has hide their true self in order to not make things anything worse.
  To be honest its suffocating and I hate it as it makes me hate myself even more. For starters I am an INFP, the second rarest in the world, easily misunderstood and to explain yourself it takes forever and aling with that nobody understands you.
     In my early years of school people concluded that I was not eligible for studies.
It took me a decade to prove that wrong. But tell me one thing, why the hell do I have to prove my worth when one can so carelessly conclude without proper knowledge in the matter.
    In school life with academics came social life which I think for me the worst part with which I am still struggling. I thought if I gave an logical opinion with proof which is actually a fact people would actually be able to understand. There are countless times I have given honest answers and been true about how they were treating me, but people seem to be good at denying stuff but they have the audacity to say shit and still get away with it. This is why I stopped talking to people beacuse I cannot fight even for myself.
     People use me and if I deny them, then I am the one who is labeled 'selfish'. Not living seems peaceful to me. Sometimes thought of death doesn't scare me, it sounds like freedom to me. So if ever Mr. Grim Reaper pays a visit, I think I will be really happy.

The chapter is not finished yet, its just that I don't feel like writing now.