Silently Falling in Love: Again (Edited)

Chapter 45 - Kareena Kapoor

Anjali – June 2008

The final few weeks before moving to London flew by. The one afternoon that I'd been looking forward to, had come. I dropped off the kids at school and let the admin assistant know that they needed to stay in aftercare since I was completing the details of the move and wouldn't be able to pick them up on time. It was scary how easily the lies came out of my mouth.

The meeting place Alex had given me was a hidden boutique hotel on the other side of town. Cute and quiet. I walked in and looked around the cozy lobby. There were two armchairs and a small side table in the small waiting area near the counter. Behind the counter a young man stood wearing suit jacket, t-shirt, and slacks.

"Ma'am, how can I help you?"

I kept my sunglasses on and my hoodie over my head and answered. "I'm here to meet Amar Shergill. What room is he in?"

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Kareena Kapoor." I knew he wouldn't understand the joke because he had no idea that Kareena Kapoor was a famous Bollywood actress.

He picked up the phone and dialed a number. "Good morning, Mr. Shergill, there's a woman named Kareena Kapoor at the front desk asking for you. Should I send her to your room?"

After hanging up he turned to me, "He's in room 318. The elevators are to your left and the room is on the third floor."

"Thank you," I said as my legs went on autopilot and walked straight to the elevator.

The ride up was short and soon the elevator door was wide open. I stared at the signs; Rooms 300-315 to the right; Rooms 316-330 to the left. I stood frozen. I needed to walk out of the elevator and go left. That much my brain registered, but my feet wouldn't budge.

I watched the doors slam shut in front of my eyes, but I still stood frozen. What was I doing here? I was about to break my marriage vows.

The elevator moved down. In moments it hit the lobby floor, and the doors flung themselves open. No one was there on the other side of the door. The doors stayed open. Once again, my legs stood frozen. I didn't want to leave either. I didn't want to go back to my empty place. I didn't want to go back to the place Raj and I called home. The place where I had a constant headache that never went away; that dull ache in the back of my head; that feeling like I was an actor moving through life. I treasured the few hours a week I spent with Alex; it was the only time the headache went away. It was the only time I felt real; like I was alive rather than a zombie walking through life.

If I walked out of this hotel, I'd never know what it felt like to touch Alex. I wanted to know what it would feel like to be held by someone who wanted you; who wanted to spend time with you. I craved and needed human touch.

The elevator doors closed with me still inside.

I stared at the numbers in the elevator. L, 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. It was a small hotel. It was quaint. It was nothing Raj would ever stay in. It wouldn't be sophisticated enough for him. I clenched and unclenched my fists bringing life back into me. I hit three again. And for the second time the doors opened and the signs Rooms 300-315 to the right; Rooms 316-330 to the left stared back at me.

This time I took three steps out of the elevator, and I stared at the signs. The elevator doors slid shut behind me. I continued to stare at the signs. Once I turned left, there was no turning back. This was my last chance to spend time with Alex. If I walked away, I'd never see him again. That thought jolted me and I turned left. I needed one more fix. I needed a fix I'd remember; a fix I could revisit over and over as my new life started.