Aries

Chapter 15

"How?" I asked.

"Imagine that I am Ethan," he said. "What would you do to me?"

My eyes widened in horror and took a step back. "I... I can't compare you both!"

He sighed. "If I can't find your anger, what fuels you, I can't show you the right way."

"What way?" I asked. "Is there a right way to show the anger?"

"There are many ways to express your anger," he said and sat down. "There is a healthy way and a toxic way. You have to decide."

"But how do I know what is right?" I sat opposite to him.

"What is your first emotion when I mention Ethan?"

"Rage," I said with calmness, I did not know I possessed. "Burning fury. If I can, I would melt iron on him and drain the blood slowly. I want him to suffer. He killed my father and my best friend. As much as it was Cain's fault, he turned my brother against me. How could a male who grew me up like his kid disown me the second Ethan rejected me? How could he stay silent when Ethan killed our father? How could he stay in the sidelines when Aurelia was killed? What had gone wrong?"

"Your hurt is hindering your rage," he said after a minute. "When I asked you to attack me back there, you did not do your best. This is why."

"Is it wrong to hurt?" I asked.

"Anger usually stems from two emotions," he said. "Hurt and disappointment. Heal what's hurting you, Lyra. Only then, we can fuel the anger you need in the right direction."

"If my hurt is gone," I said. "What fuels my anger?"

"I am talking about the guilt, the hurt you harbour against yourself," he said. "You think their deaths are your faults. It is not. They sacrificed for you so that you have a chance, Lyra. It was their choice to fight for you, don't take that away from them."

It was then I touched to find a tear tumbling from my eye. How lonely was that tear?

"As much one should feel emotions," he said. "One should think about it too. Only then, we can grow."

"How?" I asked, my voice cracking. "How do you heal?"

"This is not a physical wound where I can give a formula for a medicine," he said, giving me a soft smile. "This is a wound of the mind. The medicine and the dose change for each person and for each person each time. It starts with acceptance. Of the deaths of your father and friend. Of the betrayal of your brother. Mind you, it may take days to get there, Lyra. But once you try to make an effort, you will be getting there. How is it that you could respect Cathara's choice, but not the choice of your father and friend?"

My tears held themselves when my brain began to process this. How could I?

Seeing my alarmed reaction, he smiled. "That's right. Both their situations are not far from different."

I bit my lips. "How to accept the past?"

"You can't force yourself to do that," Aries said. "It is a slow process. There are some parts you might hate yourself for it and some parts where you admire yourself. All is well. If you hate a part of you, accept the hatred too. Accept everything that makes you who you are now."

"I'll try."

"That's the spirit," he said. "You are now one step ahead of the past yourself."

"Thank you," I said, looking in that silver eyes that bore into mine. "Thank you for listening and helping."

"Don't thank me," he said. "You just needed an expert's advice and you are too poor to pay a psychiatrist."

I burst into laughter. After seeing him train me for all those hours, I could not imagine him being a psychiatrist. But what made him sit here and help me out?