the outsiders ✰ imagines

not forever ✰

sorry for really slow updates i've been on vacation and the service isn't really good :/

ponyboy looks up at the ceiling to think as he absentmindedly wraps an arm around you. keeping silent is all you do, for he doesn't like being distracted from his thoughts.

he's been doing this more often, especially after his parents' deaths.

"i wish everyone would quit asking me if i'm okay. my parents just fucking died; of course i'm not okay." you hate hearing ponyboy talk this way but you kept silent.

"they mean well, pony, i just don't think they know what to say about it." a stray tear rolls down his cheek but he quickly wipes it away before he thinks you notice it.

"well 'sorry your parents died' would work."

you stay silent for a moment until you speak up, feeling his grip tighten. "i miss them."

"how? you've hardly known them for a year." you look at him but he barely even notices or acknowledges it— he's still staring up at the ceiling.

"yeah, but they've always treated me well. you know how it is with my parents. i loved them a lot and. . .and i know what it's like to lose someone."

you can almost feel ponyboy rolling his eyes in annoyance. "well you didn't lose your mom— or your dad." you almost get frustrated with him at this point. it doesn't even seem like he cares about his parents. he feels nothing at this point.

with a shaky sigh, you look at him in the eye. "it's not a competition about who goes through what the most." you finally say.

"i just wish it was me instead in that car. maybe things would be better."

"don't say that," you say with slight concern. "they're so many people who care about you, they need you."

he's clearly unimpressed, waiting for an example to be said from her.

"darry and soda, ponyboy. your brothers care about you so much—"

"they'll have one less mouth to feed. they'll be relieved to not have me with them."

"me—"

"i. . . i just wanna be alone right now. i don't wanna be with anybody, not even you, y/n." as if your heart wasn't already shattered, it definitely was now. ponyboy was the only person you really had and he didn't want you anymore.

"fine," you choke out. "i'll leave since i'm obviously in your way." you languidly wipe your tears away and ponyboy's gaze softens with realization.

he looks at you, clad in his own shirt and reaches out for your soft arm, staring at it before looking up at you when he sits up in bed. from your point of view while looking down at him while he's sitting down, he looks helpless and you can't even bring yourself to let go of him and leave.

"not forever. i still need you. just not now." he says it quietly as if he's almost, ashamed, to say it. he chastely kisses your ring finger like he always would, a promise of when, not if he was getting you a ring.

with a soft sniffle, you try to give the biggest smile you could muster, resulting in a slight frown, you tighten your grip on his hand.

"not forever." you whisper, letting go of his hand before you leave.