Loving Lakyn | ✓

[24] Friends

Just I simply chose not to say a word, knowing that my silence would speak volumes.

"Did something happen to you?" she asked with worried eyes, "You can talk to me, Lila." she assured me and I felt myself about to cave in.

I shook my head, "No, it's okay." I sniffled, using the sleeve of Lakyn's hoodie to wipe my tears, "I am fine." I said with ease, though my words were strained, "What are you doing up here, alone?" I asked as I looked at my surroundings, it was a large vacant area, markings for a helicopter to land in the center.

"I came up here for the same reason that you did."

My eyes widened, but I came up here to. . .she cannot possibly be referring to suicide.

I felt my eyes beginning to water at her words but I held back the tears, instead, I walked back over to the edge and stood back up like I had before, gesturing for Eden to come over as well and she did, reluctantly.

I held my cold hand out to her and she grabbed it before I tugged her up next to me, our hands staying intertwined. We did not need to hold onto each other anymore, but we did because I was stabilizing her and she was stabilizing me, not physically but emotionally, like an anchor to a boat, she was keeping me still and steady amongst the fiercely thrashing waves.

"Look at all the cars and people down there." I whispered, looking down at the city-life below me, "That will all remain even if you are no longer. This whole world will keep spinning with or without you, I do not know what you have gone through, but I truly believe that this world is better off with you in it."

It was true. In times like these where I find myself seconds away from giving up, I remind myself that this world will forever keep spinning and turning, I want to exist to see the world change and grow, whether it is for better or worse, I want to be here. I want to be a part of it.

It just gets so hard sometimes because out of all the seven-point seven people on this universe, I am just one minor speck on this universe, currently living with no meaning nor purpose, I am struggling every day, but one day I will look back on this exact moment and be grateful that I did not jump, I will be grateful that I kept going even when I saw no reason to.

Depression is not just a meaningless word, it is a sickness that can never be cured, it is and always will be there. It is like cancer, it finds you when you least expect it and then it kills you slowly until there is nothing left to you except an empty shell, like my mother. But you can learn to control it, to push it away.

The only way to deal with it is to keep going and not feed it. Giving in to the sadness is like adding cocaine to alcohol; it presses fast-forward on the whole experience and eventually, you have reached the end.

It is like when you pluck a flower simply because it looks pretty, though when you do that you forget that beneath the stem of the flower is roots that go on and on, but you just tore them off and now the flower has nothing. Then, you put it in a vase of water thinking that it will keep the pretty little flower awake, but it only lives for a few days until it dies, because without the roots it will die.

In this case, I am the flower and though I do not have as many roots as others, I have Hale, I have my mother and that gives me two roots. Two reasons to stay and keep going, everyone needs something, even if it is only one thing.

Eden may not have many roots, she may just have herself, like I do in a way, but right now she has me and though I am probably a strong contender as to why she is up here right now, I can keep her safe.

Eden squeezed my hand slightly, "Likewise." she replied truthfully.

I smiled, suddenly able to breathe again, "You need to live." I told her, "I need you to live."