Tellus | ONC 2020

091:11:14:12:10:37

"P, are you good?" she asks me with a concerned look on her friendly face. She is in the simulator with me – they all are, except for Commander Sánchez. Which only makes this even more embarrassing. This is the fourth time I pass out during the atmospheric entry simulation. I passed the G-tolerance test in the training program, but for this mission we have to pull nine times gravity instead of the six G they exposed us to a year ago. It is crucial that we manage to maintain consciousness in case of any surprises in the atmosphere of Proxima d.

"Let's go again," I demand, reentering the settings on the console in front of me.

"Are you sure?" the smooth voice of Mahanya reaches me, and with him I want to be honest, but I keep flipping the switches in the order that I have learned with a determined look on my face. My stubbornness fights off any doubts with my team, and they settle themselves back in their seats, Smugface and Heidi Klum 2.0 in the front row with their calm and confident presences, Mahanya and Nadeau seated right behind them. Nadeau sure looks more nervous and tense than me, but I'm pretty sure I've got him beat. My hands are sweaty inside the gloves of the pressure suit, and I try to hide the shakes when I secure the harness across my torso. I take a deep, silent breath, before hitting the button on the screen in front of me, changing my status to ready. When Moon is the last one not lighting up, I look towards her and immediately meet her scrutinizing gaze.

I hold out my hand, and when her palm rests against mine, I squeeze her hand and give her a nod. She seems to accept my plea, as she lets go of me and signals her readiness.

"Initiating," the computer announces, and the simulation begins. Zero gravity kicks in, but I feel my harness preventing me from floating aimlessly around the room. Digital panorama displays descend from the ceiling, isolating every astronaut behind their own semi-circular screen, exhibiting a rendering of Proxima d viewed from space. It is not an ingenious visualization, really, the blue-and-green planet with its cloudy atmosphere could have convinced me that it, too, was Earth. Except, when you look long enough, you realize that the oceans are more like really large lakes, and that the real secrets of this planet seem to be hiding out of the water. Proxima d has very harsh environments, some we won't be able to access and explore, while some are very mild, with a strong resemblance to natural environments on Earth. Or so we've been told.

As we proceed along the curve of the spherical planet, a signal shows up indicating that our designated landing site is approaching from behind the crescent horizon. A red light on my panel instructs me to drag a slider downwards, and I obey, pulling my finger slowly across the panel while keeping my eyes fixed at the LANDING SITE-marking as it emerges.

"Here we go," Nadeau uneasily states. Every time, he seems to be the most nervous one, but every time, he scores amongst the top participants when it comes to maintaining control. The engines shut down temporarily as we are hauled in by the gravitational pull of the planet. My heart rate picks up as I watch the diagrammatic route of the shuttle descending towards the surface on the console screen. We are approaching the planetary atmosphere, the blue radiation belt lighting up before our eyes. Another light calls for my attention, and I press the button that it asks me to. In reality, I am not controlling anything, and the simulated entry would not play out any differently, if – when – I fail to push the buttons. It is merely a tool to measure and evaluate our performances. Or in my case, lack thereof.

This is the point where my heartrate skyrockets: I flip a couple of switches on the console, while I purposefully hyperventilate to over-oxygenate the air sacs of my lungs. We are still floating at near zero-G for another couple of seconds, but I am already feeling lightheaded, as my blood is rushing through my ears, seemingly too fast to deliver any oxygen, although I know that's not the case. I am not ready, when we start to drop in altitude, while the engines reengage to push us towards our target. At two times the force of gravity I take my first quick breath. We start picking up speed, accelerating against the rotation of the planet, our ultra-light weight shuttle needing the extra force to push through the denser layers of atmosphere surrounding Proxima d.