Paradise Lost

Chapter 8

"Are you sure that you didn't sign up just for the food?" I ask Jordon. He is the only one that has not complained once about the food out of everyone who joined a month ago. I don't complain because it is a meal at the end of the day. "No, the food Is just a bonus for me," he replies. He is one of the ones who doesn't really have a lot of money left after the main bills have been paid for luxuries. Some of the food we have had in the army would have felt like a luxury 5 star meal to some of the men here. Jorel insists that he has to put my boots on me for me. I do not mind him doing this today. It will give him some of the peace he needs. Today we are being put in our squads officially and those squads are the ones we will stay in for the rest of our time here and beyond.

Jorel is worried about this because he thinks we aren't going to be in the same squad. I don't know if we will be, but it is no big deal if we aren't. We will still live in the same billet that we have been in since the beginning and we can still spend time together. They want squads to have a good mix of skills and ability levels so I might not even be with anyone in our friendship group. "Don't worry Jay," I whisper. Today seems like it is going to be a day of worrying for Jorel and I am not really keen on that. "I am more worried about you to be honest Danny," Jay tells me. it is something that was in the back of my mind. "It is not like they will move us out of our billet or anything Jay," I tell him, trying to make him feel better.

The current living arrangements have been working out fine and I don't see them really wanting to mess with that currently. "I know, I just do not want you to be lonely is all," he tells me. a completely justified concern, especially since I have been a little afraid of being alone at the moment. "Don't worry, I have managed to make sure one of you will be with Danny. I could not pick who though," Rigo says, making Jorel feel more at ease. I have faith that everything will work out fine in the end. I know there is not a lot Rigo can do in terms of assisting me as a brother would. The officers would not give me an easy pass on many things. They have to at least show on the outside that they are fair to all the recruits.

One thing they have allowed though is for us to have notebooks to use as we see fit. I have used it to start writing the book about all the abuse Rigo, Kyle and I have been through. This way there is a written record of all the abuse I have suffered. I am worried that I would be killed before I can tell my story. I would love for my mother to get my book when I die. I hate the fact that it is a not a question of if I die by my father's hand. I am not afraid of dying at all, at least not anymore I am not. Either I will be killed in the army or killed when I come home to my family since we know father hates me. After we eat breakfast we get ready to go onto parade because that usually follows straight after breakfast.

We make sure our boots are nice and shiny. Like I have mentioned before we are known for being the best presented billet and we intend to keep that trend up for as long as we can do. This is also going to be the last time that we form up for the morning briefing in our billet squads. From tomorrow morning onwards we will be forming in our squads that we will continue training in. We've all been promoted to Private 2 or Private First Class. Surprisingly, none of my friends were mad that I was the only one so far in the group to make it to PFC rank. I know they will get there soon enough. They are also working really hard and that is paying off for them. They will be promoted quite quickly once the Drill Sergeant see how hard they work.

The morning starts off with the usual drills. We have our uniforms inspected like usual. They have a new man in charge of the morning parade today. I could tell when they asked me if I felt okay because I looked pale. My skin tone is naturally very pale in the winter time. I tell him that I am fine, and it was natural for my skin tone to be this pale in the winter. He accepts it and moves on to Matt who is standing next to me. Even though we have been here for a month, some of them are still not comfortable with how close these Drill Sergeants get to their face. Matt is one of them and I can't reassure him yet because I might get into trouble. He did well though, he passed inspection just as I had done.