I knew the heavy pain meds were fresh
raccoon himself was wasted on them
not to mention several others also
it was odd I woke the next morning
sunshine full in my face .. thought I was dead
pinched myself .. couldn't believe I was alive
i'd taken enough quaaludes to kill a horse
later i'd realized good spirits kept me alive
it was as if i'd taken nothing .. not a thing
not even a hangover from all the drinking
i'd mixed plenty of alcohol with the pills
by all rights I should've been dead
I know God damnit i'd sure tried
all the pressure had gotten to me
an alcoholic mom .. no parents at home
I was left to raise five siblings
even one older than myself
losing my childhood at age nine
having to play mama and daddy
for all of my rambunctious siblings
then a forced wedding .. I, a future dad
taking two siblings into that marriage
sending two hitchhiking to another state
my oldest brother .. a helpless junkie
never knowing where he's the fuck at
never knowing if our mom
or jimmy don were alive
told to put tommy and kathy in the street
I was threatened if I left i'd never .. ever
get to see my son after he's born
thinking about my coward of a dad
he'd refused to give me his last name
pondered why my mom
was so intent on killing me
before i was even born
having to suffer and deal
with permanent bad health
mom's abuse had left me with
life sucked .. that's all there is to it
i'd tried to check out .. seemed i'd be better off dead
Copyright @ November 2014
StandingBear
