Why I Hate Danfics

Part 5- Where She Lives

- "I went home to see my roomate, Jessica."

And the cliche's begin... Duhn Duhn DUHNNNNNN

- "We lived in a nice, three-bedroom flat with a living room, kitchen, study, loft, balcony, garden, bathroom made of gold, theater, swimming pool, and full presidential library. It was a bit hard to afford since we were only supported by her salary at Tesco, but we made do."

OK where are you renting this flat because I think it's Narnia.

- "I plopped down on our couch covered in Pikachu cushions and drank the cup of cocoa that my roomate Jess had made me."

This Jess girl must be like, a butler or something because she's always making her tea or cocoa or coffee. Just rename her "Mr. Carson" and we'll have Downton Abbey complete with Lady Mary.

- "Then we watched Pokemon and anime until three AM, when I jumped into bed in my poster-covered, cluttered, mesy, clean, unkempt, bare, barely livable, filled with bears, room."

I think her room officially has like, bipolar disorder. Next thing you know it's just gonna be the TARDIS. Also I swear all they ever do is watch either Pokemon or Doctor Who. Like, don't you have a life?

- "I woke up to the clean, clear light of dawn. Oh. It was nearly twelve, way too early for me. Butler Jessica has already left for work, so I'll have to actualy live on my own."

OK, last time I checked, dawn does not occur at noon. Just no.

 - "Luckily, she had baked a thirteen course breakfast for me and left it on the table, still warm even though she'd cooked it at five AM before heading off to work."

OK so now Jessica the Butler is magic and can cook food that stays warm...

 - "So then I got on my compter and just scrolled through Tumblr the rest of the day."

*psychologist voice* OK, so you don't have a job, you're trying to pay for a flat, and you have a Butler? I think we need to discuss your priorities, Miss. Lester (because she's awlways like Phil thirteenth cousin or something).

- "When Jess got home, she pulled me off the couch. "I just met our new neighbors!" she yelped. Just then, two incredibly hot boys walked into our flat. It was Dan Howell and my thirteenth cousin, Phil Lester!"

OK Dan and Phil do not have one hundred different flatmates XD. Their house is not that spinny room from Harry Potter. Or the Room of Requirement, for that matter.

- "Of course, Jess only liked them because they were hot. She didn't know about their YouTube channel like I did, a mega-Danosaur/Phillion. I had tried telling her about it but she never really remembered much."

Honestly if this Emma girl is anything like me she tells "Jess" about Dan and Phil about... 26 hours a day. I think if Jess doesn't catch on to any of this then she has almost as many problems as Emma.  

- "Dan and I locked eyes from across the hall and I knew we were in love."

This ain't no Disney movie, kid. You don't look into someone's "mahogany" eyes and fall in love.

OK, so if you liked that make sure to comment and/or vote or even *le gasp* follow! <3 ya! Also, I think this may have two pages! Wow... Didn't think I could write two whole pages just ranting about writing... But whatever I'm going to go rethink my life now.

Also, just a note, there may be a massive time right after Christmas where I don't post anything, as my family is moving and I may or may not have access to ANY WIFI AT ALL. I don't know that I survive, but if I do you will know! Luv you!

<3

-Cora