𝐬.𝐩. 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬

life is only ups and downs

cordelia

request: Can you possibly write a fic for Cordelia helping the reader with a panic attack?
note: sooo i wasn't really sure where to take this, so again i used my own experiences and reasons why i would have one. if you totally hate this or want a different example, im 1000% willing to write something different!

tw: eating disorder stuff, panic attack.

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: cordelia?

: i'm sorry, i know it's late but
: i'm not okay

: and i know you said to message you whenever i feel this way. and i am. but i feel so bad, i'm so sorry.

: i can't breathe. i don't know what to do. i'm sorry.

if you had been in a rational state of mind, you would've opted out of texting cordelia. you hated feeling like a both to her, but somehow she always made you feel like nothing was ever too much for her.

so in your frantic mindset, your thumbs raced out to reach her.

it's okay. she said you would never bother her. cordelia never lies.

it was currently 2:36 in the morning and you were losing your grip on reality all because of the simple fact that you'd forgotten to log your food intake for yesterday.

you'd gotten so carried away between lively things that it simply slipped your mind.

how could you forget? it was such a habitual thing for you.

but between your panicked, rushed out breaths, you didn't hear the sound of your phone buzzing. the sound of cordelia.

it'd been twenty minutes since you sent her those texts. it'd been twenty minutes of you sitting on your bedroom floor, scribbled notebook in hand with tears rolling down your face. twenty minutes of nonstop panic over a silly little thing such as writing down food.
meanwhile, cordelia drove to your place of stay as fast as she could, not caring if she was breaking any laws. she knew you felt like a bother, a burden most of the time, so with that information, she knew you wouldn't text her unless something what truly wrong.

the blonde woman didn't miss a beat, hurriedly stomping to your door. she fumbled with the key in the door , cursing at how much of an inconvenience locked doors could be in such a moment of desperation.

cordelia didn't have to think twice before making her way to your room, already hearing your hyperventilation from several rooms away.
she burst through your door, immediately sitting down beside you.

"y/n? is it okay if i touch you?"

you nodded, instantly bringing your shaky body into hers. she began to run her fingers through your hair, bringing a small amount of relief to your form.

"can you look at me? tell me what's going on?" she pleaded, ready to take on whatever it was that was causing you so much distress.

"it's stupid. so stupid." you hiccuped, bringing your head into your knees. "i can't believe i forgot. it's not possible, i never forget!"

cordelia took the time to scan your surroundings, finding torn pages from your notebook with scribbles covering lines with various amounts of numbers underneath them. it didn't take long for her to connect the dots, making you worry even more about what she was thinking of you.

"hey now, look at me?" her fingers lightly grazed your chin, gracefully moving your head in the direction of her line of view. "breathe. this is only temporary. this will pass, i promise."
your breaths were still heavy and quick paced, but as you leaned into cordelia they seemed to lighten. cordelia kicked your food diary out of view, hoping that maybe if you didn't see the "crime" you'd committed, you wouldn't feel so guilty.

"i'm here with you, can you try to talk to me?"
wiping your eyes, you tried to speak through your labored breathing.

"i log my food, it's what i do. i have to do it. you know why." speaking was hard do to, and cordelia understood that. so she let you take as long as you needed, listening to each and every word that escaped your lips. "it... it must've slipped my mind today while i was out. i didn't realize it until i noticed my journal laying on my nightstand, untouched."

cordelia nodded, taking in the information you so carefully passed to her and came to her own conclusions.

"so it's apart of your routine, right? breathe with me now, try not overwork yourself. one missed day will not hurt you, no matter what your brain is telling you. and even though i don't exactly support your habit of logging your food, mostly because from what i've read it's not enough fuel for your body, if it helps you and you need it, i'm here to support you. i will always be here."

the blonde took your hand and moved you to your bed, sitting next to you as you laid down. she then placed her hand on your chest, "can you breathe in and out when i say? me and my hand will guide you."

you nodded and for the next seven minutes or so, did as cordelia asked, eventually returning to a regulated state of breathing.

"missing a day doesn't make you bad, doesn't make you horrible. it's okay, mistakes happen. and i know you'll beat yourself to the bone over this for awhile, but i'm here to assure you that it is okay. and perhaps one day you won't have to feel the need to rely on such a small thing for so much of your worth. i'm happy you reached out to me instead of letting yourself deal with this on your own."

you gripped her hand, suddenly feeling exhausted from the extreme reaction. cordelia stayed with you throughout the night, checking your every needs, never leaving your side until you felt safe.