𝐬.𝐩. 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬

halfway there, it just takes time

cordelia goode

request: what about an ocd one? maybe one day theyre out and about and someone mentions something about being "so ocd" and it makes the reader feel insecure?

for sarahsgirl <3

note: i'm just now realizing how messy this book is in terms of order from the name of the character, request and note. like they're always so differently formatted its so ugly smfh. anyways. i hope this was okay :).
+ proofread as much as i could!! but mistakes slip past me very easily, so any mistakes are mine.

• • •

today you felt like conquering some small compulsive tendencies. trying not to step and restep multiple times over the same spot where you walked was one of the challenges. another one was stepping on cracks in the cement.

repetition due to the fear of accidental harm was a common manifestation in ocd, and you just so happened to struggle with it. so in order to help you overcome the jarring thought process, cordelia offered to walk with you in the park as you began to make progress.

the disorder had always been a constant annoyance in your life. at your worst you didn't even leave your room, too overwhelmed with horrifying thoughts of your loved ones dying if you didn't follow through with the repetition of simple actions. you had to repeat something a certain amount of times in order to feel okay, but even when you finally managed to quiet down the anxiety in your mind, it always found it's way back not just a few moments later.

another hassle you struggled with was the ordering and rearranging subdivision of the disorder. most people saw it as just trying to be "neat" and "clean," but it was more than that.

it was needing to feel safe, needing to feel like you were in control, albeit the disorder had more control over you than you did it.

when you first met cordelia, you were terrified of knowing you would eventually have to tell her. you knew first hand how people treated the disorder.

when you were a kid everyone always joked about how you should go over and clean their house, or how you should be grateful to have the disorder because at least then you would be "useful".

cleanliness wasn't even what you struggled with, which only upset you more.

now that you were older, and not a kid, it was always something along the lines of "why haven't you grown out of it?" or "you're over exaggerating".

but once you really got to know cordelia, you realized she would never in a lifetime say anything like that.

when you finally told her (although you were sure she'd already figured it out), cordelia was nothing but accepting and more than willing to help.

so now here you were, hand in hand with the blonde as you walked around the park, talking about all the little things on your mind.

the two of you trailed your way down a path surrounded by trees. everything was nice, the sun was out, air crisp, and the colors of spring graced your eyes.

things seemed to be in place. so far you'd managed to step on three cracks in the cement and traced back your steps only five times. it was a huge improvement. cordelia was doing an amazing job at keeping your mind off the compulsive urges.

you felt proud of yourself for the first time in a long time.

that was until you stopped to sit under a tree when you heard a woman not too far from you mention having ocd.

"oh my god i'm literally so ocd. i have to have everything exactly perfect or else i go psycho."

it was quite the coincidence, really, that you were trying your hardest to overcome the smallest things that took over your life and you just so happened to hear another dumb remark about it. you could tell by the rest of the conversation that the woman did not have ocd by the way she was using other mental disorders as adjectives.

cordelia noticed the change in your affect almost immediately. however, she, herself, did not hear the comments made. the words echoed in your mind, and suddenly you weren't sure if you could overcome your disorder.

"hey, what's wrong?" cordelia gently questioned, lifting your chin with her finger.

"it's nothing, don't worry about it." you attempted to put on a smile, to reassure your beloved that things were fine, but cordelia didn't buy one second of it.

with one raise of an eyebrow from the older woman, you knew better than to lie to her again. so you bit your lip, gathering the courage to tell her.

"i just heard a stupid comment about, you know... and i don't know, i'm just a little insecure now. i mean, what if there's nothing really wrong with me and i am over exaggerating like everyone has said?"

she tilted her head, watching the direction your eyes wandered off to. clenching her jaw, cordelia instantly knew who had done the talking. she wanted to confront them about it, but cordelia knew you didn't like it when she caused a scene.

"it's a disorder, y/n, there's nothing wrong with having one. and i think deep down you know you that. your ocd has directly impacted your life. i've witnessed it enough myself to wholeheartedly assure you that you are not exaggerating. those people are ignorant and probably always will be. you have to know for yourself that what you go through, what you struggle with, is valid and completely real."

you played with the end of her sleeve knowing she was right.

"but it doesn't ever bother you, does it?"

cordelia immediately shook her head, "no, absolutely not. and please try not to ever think it does." she kissed your forehead when you leaned in closer to her.

there was never a time cordelia ever felt that your ocd was a nuisance to her. she was always there to help you through whatever came your way, and you constantly took the time to show her how much you appreciated everything she did for you.