The Things I'd Rather Forget // Countryhumans AU

Ch 28: Ashes, Ashes, We all fall down \\ The Stardust, Stardust, Stardust

America immediately felt a brash urge to tell Russia how he felt, right then and there. To spill it all out. To tell Russia how much he wanted to cuddle under the moon with him. Actually, that might be a bit weird.

But before America could muster up any courage, Russia parted from their hug to wipe the loose tears on America's cheeks and whisper firmly, "You are always enough."

America nodded, quickly shoving away his thoughts. He couldn't tell Russia right now. If he did, he'd probably just pressure Russia into a relationship he might not even want to be in. As far as America knew, they were just friends and America didn't want a fake relationship. America doesn't even want a romantic relationship right now. He wasn't ready for that. Not when he's still fighting demons in his brain.

America smiled gently at Russia, choosing to push away the warmth inside him, "Thanks, Russia." America glanced at the time for a split second and chuckled, "Now might be a good time to go to the Headquarters."

America laughed even harder as Russia also turned to look at the time, paling instantly, "Oh, fuck, we're gonna be late!" America continued to laugh even as Russia grabbed his hand and dragged him to a driver. They scrambled into the car together in stark contrast: Russia terrified while America was still laughing his ass off.

Russia huffed, leaning back onto his chair, "I'm glad you found my horror funny," Even as he said that, though, America could see the traces of a fond smile on his face.

Once America had finally calmed down from his laughing fit, he muttered, "Ouch, my face and gut hurts."

"That's what you get for laughing at a Russian."

America smiled even though it hurt, looking out the window, "Yeah," America turned to face Russia, "But even you have to admit that it was funny."

Russia huffed again, a large smile visible on his face, "Я проста рады, што ты шчаслівы, мой чароўны дзядок. (I'm just glad you're happy, my adorable dork.)"

America frowned, pointing vehemently at Russia, "Hey, no, that's illegal! That isn't Russian, I can't understand that!"

Russia smiled and spoke, a trace of sadness poking into his tone, "And hopefully you never will."

America's frown deepened and he turned to the car window, looking at the awful traffic and the pedestrians walking on the sidewalk. Once the two countries were almost at the headquarters, America quietly asked, "You said something about it's okay to get help, right?"

Russia glanced at America, intrigued and hopeful, "Yeah, what about it?"

America clenched his dress pants and turned to face Russia, apprehension building inside him. Even with all that apprehension, however, one hopeful look from Russia was all that it took for all that apprehension to melt away.

Russia cared so, so much. This was the least America could do.

"If you truly want to, I- I'm willing to give help a chance," America mumbled, starting to look down at his lap, "And by that, I mean that we can go to the doctors or a therapist tonight if you want to. I just... I want to try living again and I want to trust you so this is the best way to do it, right?"

America looked up to see Russia trying not to cry. Russia immediately surrounded America with a hug. America smiled, wrapping his arms around his crush.

"Thank you so, so much."

--x--

With the meeting over and done with, America immediately started walking towards Russia.

When the two of them had barged in just a couple hours earlier, UN had given them a yelling to remember. When UN was done, he simply pointed at their seats as a way of saying "get out of my fucking face and don't show up late ever again." Not to mention, he also looked like a sleepless, grumbling, peeved parent, which is always a nice and rare sight to see. You see, America has noticed throughout the years that UN had different "moods" depending on how much sleep he had gotten. This mood meant he had, at most, three hours of sleep. Nevertheless, America would've loved to have UN as a Dad. No offense to Britain, but somehow UN is unbelievably funny when he's mad while Britain is just plain frustrating. Maybe it's because UN is not afraid to whip his hands around like a maniac to prove his point when he's mad, America will never truly know. But now that the meeting was over, America was free from any and all parental authority, whether it came from Britain, France, or UN. Honestly, parental authority and the lack of control on the child's part is probably why America wanted freedom so badly and rebelled against his Dad. Correction: it is the reason America rebelled against his Dad.

Once America had finally gotten close enough to Russia, he opened his mouth to speak only to stop mid-word. All of a sudden, boundless pain hit America all at once. It was worse than 9/11. It was worse than Pearl Harbor, and it was worse than the Civil War. It didn't feel like he got attacked or bombed or split, it was something else much, much worse. And America knew what it was: something- no, someone inside him was dying. America felt tears form in his eyes as the world around him became blurry.

"AMERICA!"

Before America comprehend that someone familiar was yelling his name, the ground suddenly rushed up to America and the breath was knocked out of him as he harshly hit the ground. America felt so much pain he could barely stay conscious. He could barely see through the tears and pain. He no longer felt his sunglasses on his face, but America couldn't say he cared anymore. What was the point?

Red and white stardust. Red and white stardust.

America felt someone pick him up and place him on their lap.

Bullets, blood, stardust. Bullets, blood, stardust.

America could've sworn someone was speaking and desperately trying to get his attention, but he didn't care anymore.

What was the point?

Black eyes, white eyes. White eyes, dead eyes.

America went limp, grief and pain overwhelming him. Tears rolled down his cheeks as his heart started to break.

Gold, white, navy blue. Red, white, navy blue.

"I d-didn't- I-I- I d-didn't w-want to k-kill them-! I-" Said a familiar voice drifting through the remains of America's consciousness.

'Liar,' America thought, even more tears flooding his eyes.

Stardust, stardust, stardust. Stardust, stardust, stardust.

Bullets, blood, tears. Bullets, blood, tears.

Red, white, blue. Red, white, blue.

And it's all his fault.

But it's also his, too, isn't it?

His fault, his fault. His fault, his fault.

Ring around the rosies, Pockets full of posies. Ashes, Ashes, We all fall down...

Ring around the rosies, Pockets full of posies. Ashes, Ashes, We all fall down...

As tears poured like a river down America's cheeks, everything finally faded to black.

~~~~

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