How to not mess this up #malec fanfiction

Did we mess this up?

Raphael was eyeing him but Magnus ignored it. He searched the walls and found what he was looking for. He started walking towards it, ignoring Simon's protests. Soon he was looking at a painting. It was Alec. He was holding a bow, drawn back and he's muscles were contracted as he held it in place, a strand of his hair falling onto his face. It was all so real Magnus almost reached out his hand to put the strand of hair back in its place. "It's kind of weird, seeing yourself on a wall. I told her that it was a stupid idea, but she insisted..." a quiet voice said behind him. Magnus closed his eyes, bracing himself and then turned around slowly. Alec looked breathtaking. He had on a simple black suit, the jacket open at the front and his tie was dark blue. Matching Magnus' suit. His hair were messy as always, but his eyes were sad when they looked at Magnus. Trying to keep his voice steady, Magnus replied "I think it looks better than the actual version. Might even buy it." Alec let out a laugh and Magnus felt his heart flutter and break at the same time. 

Alec looked at him, his eyes intense and apologetic, but Magnus didn't want him to say anything. But of course he did. "Magnus, I am so sorry. I know you don't want to hear it, but I am saying it anyways." Alec said. His voice was shaking but Magnus willed himself to stand his ground. "I don't really care for anything you have to say." he said in a harsh tone. He knew he was being cruel. But he had been hurt so bad, he just didn't want another breakdown. So this was his defense. What was the saying, best defense is an offence? Or was it the other way around... Alec seemed hurt but he spoke again, letting his hand go to his messy hair "I have been better. I mean, I am getting better. And I'm happier. But I know for a fact that I would be at my happiest if I could be with you." Magnus sighed and rolled his eyes. "You broke up with me, because you thought I couldn't handle it, that you weren't being fair to me. You never asked me what I wanted. How I felt. You just pushed me away. And I'm glad you're better, I really am, Alexander." Alec's eyes closed when Magnus said his name and Magnus felt himself step closer to him unknowingly. "But I was miserable. I couldn't call. Text. I didn't even ask Izzy and Jace how you were because I figured if you wanted, you would come to me. But I am done waiting."

Alec stared at him pleading but Magnus clenched his jaw and didn't budge. "Magnus, I am here now. I now I'm about a month late but, I'm here now. Please, can we talk about this? I don't think I can go on without you." His voice was quivering and Magnus could see tears forming in his eyes, but Magnus' own were dry. He had cried all the tears there were to cry. He shook his head, sucking in a breath. He looked at the ceiling and said in a pained voice "You are not being fair. And to be honest, I don't know what I want anymore. A week ago I would've run into your arms, accepting everything and forgiving anything. But now, I just don't know." He heard Alec gasp silently when he tried to hold back tears, but they escaped anyways. Magnus couldn't help it, he stepped closer and pulled up his chin, wiping the tears from his cheeks. Alec looked at him, stunned but loving. "Don't cry, Alexander, you know I hate it when you do." Magnus said softly. Alec shook his head. "I- why are you so nice to me? After everything I did, you should be yelling at me." Magnus let out an unhappy chuckle and replied "I am not mad anymore. Just hurt. But that's okay." 

Alec stared at him. "Magnus..." he said and it was like a prayer. Magnus closed his eyes and still held Alec's face in his hands. With eyes still closed he said "I'll- think about it. Okay?" He cursed himself mentally for being so weak. But Alec was his weakness, always had been. Alec came a little closer to him and Magnus could feel his breath on him, shivering at the touch when Alec took his hand. "I never wanted to mess this up. But I did. And now I don't know how to undo that. Just tell me what I need to do." Alec said, his voice barely a whisper. Magnus looked up. Alec was still beautiful, so sweet and innocent to him at that moment, he just wanted to kiss him and tell him it'll be alright. But he didn't. He kissed his cheek slightly and said "I don't have an answer for that. I just need time. To think. Okay?" Alec nodded and bit his lower lip. He said "I really want to kiss you. Can I?" Magnus almost melted into a puddle. Alec was asking permission to kiss him. 

Magnus felt himself nod, although his mind told him to turn and walk away. Alec held his face in his hands and leaned in. Softly, just brushing his lips, he kissed Magnus. Magnus felt his sweet lips against his and instantly felt a connection, pulling him in and he responded to it subconsciously, giving in to it. Alec moved against him, just like he used to, but this time it was sweet and painful, like there was no knowing if this was ever going to happen again. And that was exactly what it was. When Alec pulled away he rested his forehead on Magnus'. Magnus sighed in content. He missed him so much. But he knew he had to take this slow. He couldn't bare to break his heart again. Alec looked at him and said "Magnus, I never stopped loving you. I just want you to know that." With that he stepped back and turned, walking away. Magnus stood there breathless, not knowing what to do. He felt like he might not be able to walk, if he tried. 

Suddenly, Clary was rushing to his side "Magnus! I see you found the painting of Alec...I'm really sorry, I should've warned you but I-" Magnus cut in "It's lovely. How much do you want for it?" Clary stood there, stunned. "I- What? I have no-" she stuttered, but Magnus took out his check book, wrote a figure and handed it to Clary. "Is this enough?" he asked. Clary's eyes went wide and she said "Magnus, this is too much, I don't-" but Magnus stopped her by putting a hand to her shoulder and saying "Take it. Call me tomorrow about the transportation, okay? I have to go home. Tell everyone I'm sorry, but I'm tired. It was a beautiful exhibition Clary, I'm so proud of you." Clary nodded, still dazed but understanding. Magnus turned and found Cat. She didn't ask why they were leaving, she guessed. 

When Magnus got back into his apartment and dropped the keys, he made himself a cocktail. He sat on the balcony, watching the night sky. Could he let Alexander back into his life or did they mess this up permanently?