How to not mess this up #malec fanfiction

I will be there for you.

Magnus P.O.V

I smooth my hands over my button-up shirt, smoothing the creases that have formed from falling asleep on the couch in it. I was waiting for Isabelle to call, to tell me that it was okay, that I get to go back to Alexander's apartment and that I can be with him, tell him that I will be there for him, always. That's what I wanted to do. Be with him, even if he felt like he couldn't be with me. I would make him see, that it's not true.

I strech and glance at the clock. Almost 24 hours have passed since I was last in his apartment. I keep going back there in my mind, the dark apartment, where my precious Alexander was alone with his thoughts, that he just can't escape. I feel helpless, despite the fact that the helpless one is, in fact, him. I just want to help, to soothe him and run my hands through his hair, making the worries dissolve into nothing. But Isabelle had told me to stay away, until she gives me the 'green light'. But waiting is even worse, than standing there, taking in his harsh words. Or is it?

I shake my head, trying not to think about it. When the clock on my wall says it's almost 2 pm, my phone rings. I fumble for it with shaking hands and manage to drop it. I curse loudly and grab it again, Chairman Meow looking at me, unamused. I glare at him and hiss "not a word." and answer the phone.

"Yes?" 

"Magnus. Listen, I am with Alec right now. And he says he wants to be alone for a while. He doesn't even want me here, but agreed that I come by for dinner, to check up on him. He's fine now." Isabelle's voice is soft, gentle. I know she's trying to break the news to me tenderly. But what news, I'm not sure.

"What does that mean? I want to see him. I don't want him to think that this changes anything. I want to be there for him." I can hear my voice tremble a little, and cough to make it go away.

"I know. And I am so grateful for that, but you have to understand, he thought this wouldn't happen around you and he's...well, he's sort of mad at himself. I'm afraid that he might fall back again, if he sees you. Maybe give it a day or two? I'm really sorry, Magnus." Isabelle tries to sound gentle again, but she comes off as very apologetic and slightly desperate. She must really not want me there. Which makes me think of Alec and why she wouldn't want me around him.

"Isabelle. Are you saying I could've been the trigger?" I ask, afraid of the answer.

"No! I mean, I think not, it's just...I don't know, he's different. Like, different then when we were younger, I know what to do and how to act, but he seems different this time. Don't think this is your fault, Magnus, it's not. Promise me you won't blame yourself." Her voice is now harsh and demanding. I sigh.

"I promise." I don't believe what I am saying, but she need not know that.

"Okay, well, I have to go home and grab some stuff, I think I'll try and persuade him to let me stay the night, I'll call Jace, too." I feel excluded and very alone. But being with his sibling, who know him through and through, is going to be good for him, I'm sure.

"Alright. Thank you for calling me. And Isabelle?" I say, voice trembling again.

"Yes?" She asks, voice slightly curious.

"Tell him...Tell him, I miss him. And care about him, so much." I don't say the words I long to say, because those words are meant for him, to be said personally. And I intend to.

Isabelle promises me that she will and the we end the call. I plop down on the couch, rubbing my face with my hands. The Chairman hops next to me, meowing loudly. I look at him and say "I know, what a mess right? I miss him, too." The Chairman eyes me and then comes to sit on my lap, purring loudly. I sit there, with him on my lap, thinking about how I long to be in Alec's arms.