hello friend.

what is love?

hello friend.

Stories spread the words we wish we could say. I, however, take a different approach. So take this as a fourth-wall-breaking diary extract. So I can speak to you, not at you.

I for one don't find happiness a strong subject but emotions however, although I hate to admit it, I'm becoming a lot more equated with. All stories have characters. Characters tell the reader what the story is. They bring it to life and capture the reader.

This is not one of those stories.

The nameless figure is more fitting for this. Just another silent character passing through society. Average - just as they should be. Now I know what you're thinking: "what the hell is this that I've begun reading." Honestly, I don't know. I'd tell you to stop, to put down your laptop or phone or whatever you have in front of you, walk away and carry on with your life. Forget this ever happened. Some of you may do this, for that, I thank you for reading up to now. But for those who are intrigued, stay. Listen on, friend, to this spiralling, orchestral symphony of life in all its (un)glory.

I'll forewarn you now, don't expect much from this. There is no surprise ending, no plot twist and no moral to the story. Because life isn't like that. Life is simply a condition of cyclic metabolic activity. To keep alive, we work, we sleep, we eat. No plot twist there. Contemplating life I've noticed has become a daily struggle. Why carry on? Why keep the cycle of work, eat, sleep? Society holds us each captive as we all need to follow each other as a sheep follows a shepherd. Those who can escape this, the elite of society are those with wealth. The richest 1% of the population holds the equivalent of 45% of the total net wealth on the planet. These people have the power and the money to control their lives and therefore their emotions. Money can buy happiness. Or can it? I guess most of us will never know.

So let's go together and see emotion, this complex experience of consciousness that rules our everyday life. To speak personally in a regular situation would be uncalled for, for a figure like myself. However, I find myself recently being clouded by negativity counted on the recent events. For this, we bring ourself to the long-overdue topic of love. Love, a belief of happiness. For some, a lie. Others, an escape. The theory of love shows society that two individuals can gain respect, attraction, need and happiness. Now for a figure like myself currently experiencing 'heartbreak' this pitiful term which goes against the scientific knowledge of anatomy. One can not simply 'break' a heart, but metaphorically I stand corrected. The breaking of a heart brings emotions I wouldn't wish for any other individual to go through. Heartbreak stands as the crushing emotion, the downing of days and the sleepless of nights.

Again, another metaphorical view is to 'fall' for an individual, figuratively impossible, but highly likely. The teenage mind which grasps love's emotion with a smitten hold gives those unlucky few the power to 'fall' for someone almost instantaneously. Now friend, will you keep a secret, swear that you'll keep this knowledge locked away in your heart or mind or caddy safe of sorts. I unfortunately, hold such power. This in some situations can yield positive results if the time constraints of the relationship are 'lengthy.' However, most of the time this rare blessing doesn't occur. Leaving someone (mostly myself) in pain. All the time.

It's a horrible thing to go through. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. For your brain, coming through heartbreak is like coming off drugs, the addiction and repetition of simple day to day tasks which you would've carried out with the partner becomes meaningless. A simple text; unreplied. This pain only grows, you force yourself to carry on, to forget, to try to forgive. But we know it's not that easy. You see, we are less able to tell the truth about what has happened then we'd think. We paint our truth, bending reality to suit our pain. Creating a hazed mask upon verity. The loss of a loved figure can change the mentality of even the strongest of individuals. Create pain, mentally and physically, which you are expected to just, move on through. For the few like me, it's not that easy. The bond created during this time is stronger than the other figure thinks, making trying to keep contact hard. I hope you'll listen to this. Take some thought and try to help those struggling that can confide in you for help. Not all like to ask for help and even fewer show pain on the surface. The cause can be simple, the outcomes can be catastrophic to them, but seemingly harmless to the rest of society.

To feel alone is the hardest, this experience occurs when social relationships are perceived to be less, both in number and strength than needed. Alone, you are held to the edge only by your thoughts and to let these run free is dangerous. Anxious, sane, happy, how can these 'feelings' be categorised in the same place by society. The differences alone are greater than what I can explain. Masked to blend each other I suppose. But how does one take off this mask when the mask stops being just a mask and when it's as much a part of me as I am.

I hate when I can't hold in this loneliness, when I'm just alone, dark surrounding me. The crying, whilst normal, happens too often. I often wonder what normal people do when they get this sad.

Now, the plot of any story is what guides the reader down the path the figure wants them to take. For most, a beginning, middle and finally a resolution. The end for me is unclear, the future takes us on a ride no one can predict.

But for you, friend, the plot is only just beginning.