— 2020.01.28
- few days ago, i had this dream:
After so many years...
Ngayon ko lang ulit napanaginipan na kumpleto kami (minus my deceased sister)...
May family outing daw kami nila papa, mama and my brother. Pero isang motor lang gamit namin. Si nanay raw nagbigay ng pera sa akin. It was like a picnic version of the one we had back in August 2004.
- then, today:
I had this dream that my father & stepmother were driving me out of their house (i always had this dream for a few weeks now) and then my dream transitioned, my deceased little sister came. I can't remember everything but I think I know now what it supposed to mean...
I'm sorry sis, I'm sorry, ate fucked up big time.
It's been 7 years since you were gone.
I'm still lost, sis. I still can't find my way back home.
Even before you left i already have this huge hollow inside of me. For many years.
I have tried everything but i think it's already my will that's why I'm not fighting whatever this is.
I'm sorry.
Ate still miss you, all the time.
2 years na pala akong hindi umuuwi sa araw na 'to.
2 years ko nang hindi tinutupad yung panata ko na lagi akong gagawa ng paraan para umuwi sayo.
I'm really really sorry.
Alam ko kung nasaan ka man at nakikita mo si ate ngayon, panigurado hindi ka natutuwa.
Pero sana sana hindi mo na lang nakikita si ate. Sana nasa happy place ka lang at hindi mo nakikita kung anuman yung mga nangyayari ngayon.
There's nothing I've been wishing for but for you to just stay happy wherever you are right now and just live there freely.
You may forgot about us and that's totally okay with me as long as we don't forget about you.
I love you sis. I love you so much.
